Thomas from Ohio writes:
Hey man,
I like your site here. It's good to see people with good intentions. I am equally impressed by your cancer donation thing. Great idea.
I am writing because I have an issue I need help with. I really like this woman that I've been seeing for quite some time, but she's not religious and I am strongly religious. At first, it wasn't a big deal, but as things have grown more serious and discussions of a life together have come up, I've begun to realize that she doesn't want a religious wedding..or to raise any children we may have in a religious setting. This is a hard concept for me to grasp. Should I just break it off? Should I try to change her mind? I really love her..
Thomas
Sean- Thanks for writing. I don't think you should necessarily set out to change her mind, but if it's important to you, you should let her know how important it is. She may never want a part of religion, but it's not your duty to make her believe. It IS your duty, however, to let your future children make up their own minds about wanting to follow your or your future wife's beliefs. Forcing them to believe either way is a mistake. They need to think for themselves. Show them both sides and let them find their belief system. There are many families today that have one parent that does not practice religion. As far as the wedding goes, I'd shoot for a compromise. Maybe not having it in a church, or having a pastor from a progressive church do the ceremony? They key here is to respect both belief systems and to know that those beliefs are why you are who you are.
Lys- I would advise you to talk it out with her. Let her know why you feel the way you do. Listen to her as well and know why she feels the way she does. Does she not practice religion because she was never shown the religious life while growing up? Did she have a bad experience? In any event, the key here is communication and compromise. Neither one of you should set out trying to change the other. That's not what love is.
20090528
20090526
Busy weekend.
I had a busy weekend juggling work, family functions and my daughter. I made it through AND found some new music.
Polly Scattergood is her name, and in my opinion, she may be the best thing to happen to female alternative music in a long time. She is a blend of Tori Amos, Annie Lennox, and Kate Bush. Think somewhat dreamy, emotional, sometimes raw, but lyrically gifted.
Bunny Club is her latest track to hit the airwaves around the nation and it's catchy.
Check it out. I think you'll like it.
I have one letter that I am waiting for Lys's response to, then I'll post it and we'll be back to normal.
Polly Scattergood is her name, and in my opinion, she may be the best thing to happen to female alternative music in a long time. She is a blend of Tori Amos, Annie Lennox, and Kate Bush. Think somewhat dreamy, emotional, sometimes raw, but lyrically gifted.
Bunny Club is her latest track to hit the airwaves around the nation and it's catchy.
Check it out. I think you'll like it.
I have one letter that I am waiting for Lys's response to, then I'll post it and we'll be back to normal.
20090524
Learned helplessness
Nattie from Illinois writes:
I love your site Sean. I can tell the weather is nice where you are, because you've switched to every other day postings. I am glad though. I love to get out when I can.
My issue is this. I have been on and off with a guy for 8 years now. It's not a healthy relationship, it's long distance mainly (we lived together for a bit), and all we do is breakup and get back together. When we get back together, everything is fine and sooner or later we always split up. He can be extremely hurtful in the things he says, he throws things, and he is extremely controlling. I've dated others in the "between points" but once he finds out, he pursues me and makes things extremely stressful until I give up and go back.
I am definitely falling under the cycle of abuse category, but I want to know why I feel the need to keep going back..to keep trying to fix things. Any ideas?
Nattie
Nattie, Lys is on vacation, so I am answering this one solo.
I am glad you have recognized an abusive and controlling relationship, the second step is ending it for good. You go back because this guy has put you in a mental and emotional "lockdown" of sorts. He pursues you time after time because he either doesn't want anyone else to be loved by you or he is just not finding other women where he lives in those "between points". You go back because he pulls out all of the old good memories when he starts pursuing you again. Chances are, he tricks you into telling him about the new guy, then puts down every aspect of this new person you're with until you doubt why you're with them. He keeps building himself up, making you feel insecure, and then he moves back into place. The fact that he's messed things up so many times, and that he's been verbally and emotionally abusive, says to me that he really doesn't love you. He just doesn't want to let go.
Abusive men sometimes create this "lockdown" because of their own self-esteem issues, and because they lack control in their own lives. Insecurities, family issues when they were young, abuse in their past, and a myriad of other things create this feeling of insecurities, so they seek to control what they can. Too many times however, the control turns to abusiveness.
Do what you can to get out. Move and change your number if you have to. These things never get better. You deserve more than the situation you're in. If you need anything else, I am right here.
I love your site Sean. I can tell the weather is nice where you are, because you've switched to every other day postings. I am glad though. I love to get out when I can.
My issue is this. I have been on and off with a guy for 8 years now. It's not a healthy relationship, it's long distance mainly (we lived together for a bit), and all we do is breakup and get back together. When we get back together, everything is fine and sooner or later we always split up. He can be extremely hurtful in the things he says, he throws things, and he is extremely controlling. I've dated others in the "between points" but once he finds out, he pursues me and makes things extremely stressful until I give up and go back.
I am definitely falling under the cycle of abuse category, but I want to know why I feel the need to keep going back..to keep trying to fix things. Any ideas?
Nattie
Nattie, Lys is on vacation, so I am answering this one solo.
I am glad you have recognized an abusive and controlling relationship, the second step is ending it for good. You go back because this guy has put you in a mental and emotional "lockdown" of sorts. He pursues you time after time because he either doesn't want anyone else to be loved by you or he is just not finding other women where he lives in those "between points". You go back because he pulls out all of the old good memories when he starts pursuing you again. Chances are, he tricks you into telling him about the new guy, then puts down every aspect of this new person you're with until you doubt why you're with them. He keeps building himself up, making you feel insecure, and then he moves back into place. The fact that he's messed things up so many times, and that he's been verbally and emotionally abusive, says to me that he really doesn't love you. He just doesn't want to let go.
Abusive men sometimes create this "lockdown" because of their own self-esteem issues, and because they lack control in their own lives. Insecurities, family issues when they were young, abuse in their past, and a myriad of other things create this feeling of insecurities, so they seek to control what they can. Too many times however, the control turns to abusiveness.
Do what you can to get out. Move and change your number if you have to. These things never get better. You deserve more than the situation you're in. If you need anything else, I am right here.
20090520
Living in color
Some people live their lives in the black or in the white, without ever swaying in between. They want safety, so they make safe decisions. They want security, so they don't try new things. They want to find love, but are too afraid to love without knowing how it is going to end up. They are the the type that while growing up, would read every end of the "choose your own adventure" books and pick the best ending, instead of dealing with the hand they were dealt. I too read all of the endings, but I'd keep my overall fate as the first one I came across..even if that meant being eaten by a giant spider.
I love the movie Pleasantville. Not only does it send a message of tolerance and understanding the unknown, but it also teaches us that life is better lived outside the black and the white. Live your life in color and you'll find all sorts of new discoveries. If life is a roller coaster, do you want to see the long line you wait in to get on it? Or the "aww it's over" long stretch of track? NO! You are there for the ride, so get in, hold on, and enjoy it. If you've been hurt in love before think about this: You will spend more of your life loving than hurting, so why be afraid to love? It's just another step in the right direction.
You don't need to know the ending to every aspect of your story. Just accept it for what it is. It's yours, and no matter what, you choose your own adventure. Life is about connections. Love, be happy, and make others happy. Be a spark that lights someone else's life.
I love the movie Pleasantville. Not only does it send a message of tolerance and understanding the unknown, but it also teaches us that life is better lived outside the black and the white. Live your life in color and you'll find all sorts of new discoveries. If life is a roller coaster, do you want to see the long line you wait in to get on it? Or the "aww it's over" long stretch of track? NO! You are there for the ride, so get in, hold on, and enjoy it. If you've been hurt in love before think about this: You will spend more of your life loving than hurting, so why be afraid to love? It's just another step in the right direction.
You don't need to know the ending to every aspect of your story. Just accept it for what it is. It's yours, and no matter what, you choose your own adventure. Life is about connections. Love, be happy, and make others happy. Be a spark that lights someone else's life.
20090519
Crappy measurements
When was the last time you used the term "crap load"? Maybe you said something like, "I had a crap load of beer last night."
I am going to do the world a favor and give exact measurement to these types of terms.
Sh*t-Load- The average human "movement" is about twelve ounces, and an average consumer trailer load is about 2000 lbs. Therefore a sh*t-load is about 166.6 sh*ts, if my math is correct. A commercial sh*t load would be considerably higher, since a commercial trailer is usually larger.
Sh*t-ton- Since a ton is 2000lbs, a sh*t ton would be just the sh*t and no trailer. Sucky for whoever has to move that.
Crap-load- Crap is a slang term for sh*t, but for this exercise we'll call it after the dice game. Yes Andy, I said dice game. Typical Vegas style dice weigh about 22 grams. Therefore a crap-load is a considerable amount of dice. 41,235 to be exact. Don't roll a deuce.
Ass-load- This is whatever's "in the chamber", usually about 12 ounces. Doesn't seem like much to be in an ass-load of trouble, now does it?
Okay, I've wasted (no pun intended) enough time on this. Thought I'd be a little weird on this post. It's a nice day and I am headed outside for a run!
I am going to do the world a favor and give exact measurement to these types of terms.
Sh*t-Load- The average human "movement" is about twelve ounces, and an average consumer trailer load is about 2000 lbs. Therefore a sh*t-load is about 166.6 sh*ts, if my math is correct. A commercial sh*t load would be considerably higher, since a commercial trailer is usually larger.
Sh*t-ton- Since a ton is 2000lbs, a sh*t ton would be just the sh*t and no trailer. Sucky for whoever has to move that.
Crap-load- Crap is a slang term for sh*t, but for this exercise we'll call it after the dice game. Yes Andy, I said dice game. Typical Vegas style dice weigh about 22 grams. Therefore a crap-load is a considerable amount of dice. 41,235 to be exact. Don't roll a deuce.
Ass-load- This is whatever's "in the chamber", usually about 12 ounces. Doesn't seem like much to be in an ass-load of trouble, now does it?
Okay, I've wasted (no pun intended) enough time on this. Thought I'd be a little weird on this post. It's a nice day and I am headed outside for a run!
20090518
Hudson and Stillwater.
I've got a few pictures from my weekend in Hudson, and I'll be taking some Stillwater pics the next time I go out. It's nothing spectacular, just some pics from my way out of town after a great weekend. Both of the towns are on the river, both have an amazing "old school small town" feel, and both have really great restaurants. It's pretty refreshing to go for dinner and be right by the river, rather than an empty field, or worse yet, totally surrounded by buildings.
Over Five Hundred is a nice restaurant with a huge Sunday brunch that allows you to sit right across the street from the river. Great for a sunny day.
The Agave Kitchen is a small, but cool restaurant with a really good burger and steak selection.
Both are in Hudson and both are worth the drive. Here are the pictures from a quiet Sunday drive out of town. The first is an angled view of the downtown area, typically very busy on a Friday or Saturday night.The second is looking down the street toward the river and the Hudson Wisconsin sign (that white thing).
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Over Five Hundred is a nice restaurant with a huge Sunday brunch that allows you to sit right across the street from the river. Great for a sunny day.
The Agave Kitchen is a small, but cool restaurant with a really good burger and steak selection.
Both are in Hudson and both are worth the drive. Here are the pictures from a quiet Sunday drive out of town. The first is an angled view of the downtown area, typically very busy on a Friday or Saturday night.The second is looking down the street toward the river and the Hudson Wisconsin sign (that white thing).
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20090517
So a man walks into my house...
I woke up Saturday morning and walked out of my room, when something caught my eye. I didn't have my contacts in and my vision was blurry, but I noticed a person sleeping on my couch. I thought it was Olivia at first because she will sometimes try to crawl into my bed, but as I got closer, I realized it was a college age guy..sound asleep..in his boxers. I shouted to get him to wake up and he opened his eyes slightly, mumbled, "I'm sleeping," and fell back asleep. I shouted again, and reminded him that me removing him from the house was the last thing he wanted. I snapped my fingers and his eyes shot open. He reeled back on the couch as I told him to get dressed and get out. As he threw his pants on, I asked him how he got in, to which he kept replying "I don't understand."
I walked him to the garage. I had checked his ID and address so I could find him if anything was missing, I pointed his way home and he left. He came back that afternoon and apologized. Turns out he is a nice kid, home for summer an made a mistake after a long night of drinking.
Ah, the adventures of my life.
I walked him to the garage. I had checked his ID and address so I could find him if anything was missing, I pointed his way home and he left. He came back that afternoon and apologized. Turns out he is a nice kid, home for summer an made a mistake after a long night of drinking.
Ah, the adventures of my life.
20090515
My new co-contributor
Lyssete has been chosen as my new co-contributor. She prefers to be called Lys, so I'm going with that. I asked her to type up her introduction, and here it is:
Hi all,
My name is Lys and I grew up (just my mom and I) in Boston. I moved to the southeastern part of the US when I was in my teens, and began a life of partying and living in excess. At age 14, I was raped by a boy I'd been dating for almost a year, and I contracted Herpes. My partying and drug use escalated from there until I cleaned up my act, with the help of my mom, and went to rehab. I have been drug free since 16, and I have been in a happy married relationship since I was 22. I am 26 now and finishing up my Bachelor's Degree in Early Childhood Education. I feel I have much to offer as a co-contributor. I'd been through so much by the time I exited my teens that I actually became a peer counselor for a local high school because I wanted to help people to avoid going through what I did. Feel free to email me here with any questions you may have about me as well. I look forward to hearing from any of you that may write in.
Lys
Thanks Lys. More from me tomorrow.
Sean
Hi all,
My name is Lys and I grew up (just my mom and I) in Boston. I moved to the southeastern part of the US when I was in my teens, and began a life of partying and living in excess. At age 14, I was raped by a boy I'd been dating for almost a year, and I contracted Herpes. My partying and drug use escalated from there until I cleaned up my act, with the help of my mom, and went to rehab. I have been drug free since 16, and I have been in a happy married relationship since I was 22. I am 26 now and finishing up my Bachelor's Degree in Early Childhood Education. I feel I have much to offer as a co-contributor. I'd been through so much by the time I exited my teens that I actually became a peer counselor for a local high school because I wanted to help people to avoid going through what I did. Feel free to email me here with any questions you may have about me as well. I look forward to hearing from any of you that may write in.
Lys
Thanks Lys. More from me tomorrow.
Sean
20090514
Responses for Rae
Sean- Rae, I am sorry you had to go through such things and I commend you for being strong throughout the whole situation. As far as advice for your issue, I'd recommend talking with a doctor. I did some research on Herpes and found that many people lead completely normal dating lives and enjoy a healthy sex life by managing their outbreaks with medication or other methods. Look around on the internet or talk to your doctor, there is TONS of info out there. If a guy really likes you, he should be willing to understand your situation. Is there a chance you could be rushing the intimacy too soon, perhaps before an emotional bond is developed? Be up front about your issue and talk it over with the person you date. Explain everything you learn from your doctor and let them know how you feel about your relationship. You may lose a few, but if they're scared by that, what will happen when bigger things arise later in life? You don't need them. You'll find someone that truly loves you.
Heather- I don't really know much about this, but I'd say maybe you should be abstaining from sex until you are deep into a relationship. Explain what's going on upfront, but don't be intimate until later. It will give the person a chance to get to really care about you and know they are making the right decision. Good luck!
Lys (Lyssette)- I know how hard this can be firsthand. I got it from a cheating partner who swore up and down he didn't cheat, and now I've been living with it for years. I lead an absolutely normal life, with just a few minor modifications. I did exactly what Sean recommends above and it worked out. I found a great guy who understands that there may be times when we can't be intimate, but a relationship isn't just about intimacy anyway. I did have a few people get scared off, but they are typically the people that aren't looking for anything long term, so I moved on. Talk to your doctor and you'll get things back on track in no time at all. I'd be happy to talk to you more about this if you need also.
Brad- It is a tough spot to be in. I personally can't speak about what it feels like, but I have a friend who is married to a woman that has it. It seems like it can be an easily managed disease, so I agree that you should talk with your doctor. Maybe he can offer some medications that will decrease your chances of transmitting it. As far as the abusive boyfriend, I am glad you got out. Those situations never get better, they only get worse with time. The lack of trust, the arguing, the lack of respect, it all keeps declining until the violence rears it's ugly head. Good for you to get out. The task now is not going back.
Nat- Hey girl, perk up. Any guy that would be scared off by that is not worth spending time with anyway. I'd recommend looking online at a dating site for people with Herpes. I looked. It's out there. I would also agree that you should talk with your doctor and make deeper relationships. If you're looking for long term, make sure the guy is too. They can say anything sometimes to make you think they are looking for long term, so make sure you really listen to the words they use to determine if they are looking for long term, or just a long term night in bed.
There we go folks. The four finalists have given their advice. I'll be making my final decision tomorrow (Friday May 15) and will post the bio of our new co-contributor. In the meantime, take care of your self. Find the beauty in the small things.
Heather- I don't really know much about this, but I'd say maybe you should be abstaining from sex until you are deep into a relationship. Explain what's going on upfront, but don't be intimate until later. It will give the person a chance to get to really care about you and know they are making the right decision. Good luck!
Lys (Lyssette)- I know how hard this can be firsthand. I got it from a cheating partner who swore up and down he didn't cheat, and now I've been living with it for years. I lead an absolutely normal life, with just a few minor modifications. I did exactly what Sean recommends above and it worked out. I found a great guy who understands that there may be times when we can't be intimate, but a relationship isn't just about intimacy anyway. I did have a few people get scared off, but they are typically the people that aren't looking for anything long term, so I moved on. Talk to your doctor and you'll get things back on track in no time at all. I'd be happy to talk to you more about this if you need also.
Brad- It is a tough spot to be in. I personally can't speak about what it feels like, but I have a friend who is married to a woman that has it. It seems like it can be an easily managed disease, so I agree that you should talk with your doctor. Maybe he can offer some medications that will decrease your chances of transmitting it. As far as the abusive boyfriend, I am glad you got out. Those situations never get better, they only get worse with time. The lack of trust, the arguing, the lack of respect, it all keeps declining until the violence rears it's ugly head. Good for you to get out. The task now is not going back.
Nat- Hey girl, perk up. Any guy that would be scared off by that is not worth spending time with anyway. I'd recommend looking online at a dating site for people with Herpes. I looked. It's out there. I would also agree that you should talk with your doctor and make deeper relationships. If you're looking for long term, make sure the guy is too. They can say anything sometimes to make you think they are looking for long term, so make sure you really listen to the words they use to determine if they are looking for long term, or just a long term night in bed.
There we go folks. The four finalists have given their advice. I'll be making my final decision tomorrow (Friday May 15) and will post the bio of our new co-contributor. In the meantime, take care of your self. Find the beauty in the small things.
20090513
The advice request..
Rae from Vermont writes:
Hi Sean,
I like your site! I am so happy for Theresa! I need some advice, and I am hoping you can help. I am looking for love but am embarrased of my current situation, which usually leads me to end any relationship I begin. Let me explain..
I got married to a man I had dated almost 8 years. My friends didn't like him but supported my decision, my family liked him only because they didn't know everything that happened between us, and he managed, over the course of our dating, that I would never find someone that would treat me like he could.
He could be so violent when he got angry, but he would then apologize like crazy and I would end up taking the blame. After we got married it got worse. He kept accusing me of not trusting him, of keeping tabs in him, and even accused ME of cheating when I once caught him redhanded. Eventually, he started beating me.
I had eventually had enough and was emptying our house of my things while he was at work, when he came home and let me have it. It was the most severe beating I have ever experienced. He ran away and was eventually caught, convicted, and put in prison.
I had trusted this man and been deceived so many times. I kept thinking he'd changed, but eventually found out that people like that don't ever change, they just find new ways to lie.
Everything was in our name when we were married and I found out that he'd annihilated my credit during the short time we were married. He also left me with Herpes.
I am so embarrased to explain to people that I have it, let alone the circumstances that led to me getting it. I go on dates and when it leads to us getting intimate, I freak out and usually ruin things. I don't know what to do.
Rae
Rae, I have a few co-contributors that will help me answer this question in the next post.
Hi Sean,
I like your site! I am so happy for Theresa! I need some advice, and I am hoping you can help. I am looking for love but am embarrased of my current situation, which usually leads me to end any relationship I begin. Let me explain..
I got married to a man I had dated almost 8 years. My friends didn't like him but supported my decision, my family liked him only because they didn't know everything that happened between us, and he managed, over the course of our dating, that I would never find someone that would treat me like he could.
He could be so violent when he got angry, but he would then apologize like crazy and I would end up taking the blame. After we got married it got worse. He kept accusing me of not trusting him, of keeping tabs in him, and even accused ME of cheating when I once caught him redhanded. Eventually, he started beating me.
I had eventually had enough and was emptying our house of my things while he was at work, when he came home and let me have it. It was the most severe beating I have ever experienced. He ran away and was eventually caught, convicted, and put in prison.
I had trusted this man and been deceived so many times. I kept thinking he'd changed, but eventually found out that people like that don't ever change, they just find new ways to lie.
Everything was in our name when we were married and I found out that he'd annihilated my credit during the short time we were married. He also left me with Herpes.
I am so embarrased to explain to people that I have it, let alone the circumstances that led to me getting it. I go on dates and when it leads to us getting intimate, I freak out and usually ruin things. I don't know what to do.
Rae
Rae, I have a few co-contributors that will help me answer this question in the next post.
20090512
Down to the wire.
I am giving those of you interested in being a co-contributor until 8 tonight to get your letters in. I have a nice write-in advice letter that would like our help and I want to make sure we get to her. Exciting!
20090510
Nick and Norah's
I saw Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist on pay per view tonight and absolutely loved it. It made me want to hop the next flight to NYC and explore what the city had to offer.
It also had some good things to say about relationships. Without giving anything away, both Nick and Norah, the main characters have just ended bad relationships and manage to find one another. Their exes try to get them back throughout the movie but both Nick and Norah realize the importance of leaving behind a bad relationship.
Sometimes we find ourselves getting sucked back into bad relationships. We feel powerless to escape these situations and give in, convincing ourselves that this is how it has to be. It isn't until someone else comes along and opens their heart to us, that we realize we have to move on to something that actually makes us feel better.
Musical soulmates. Are we just all pieces of a broken puzzle waiting for our connecting piece?
P.s. I am typing this on an awesome new iPhone app. Listen to the Shout Out Louds "Very Loud" while reading this blog.
It also had some good things to say about relationships. Without giving anything away, both Nick and Norah, the main characters have just ended bad relationships and manage to find one another. Their exes try to get them back throughout the movie but both Nick and Norah realize the importance of leaving behind a bad relationship.
Sometimes we find ourselves getting sucked back into bad relationships. We feel powerless to escape these situations and give in, convincing ourselves that this is how it has to be. It isn't until someone else comes along and opens their heart to us, that we realize we have to move on to something that actually makes us feel better.
Musical soulmates. Are we just all pieces of a broken puzzle waiting for our connecting piece?
P.s. I am typing this on an awesome new iPhone app. Listen to the Shout Out Louds "Very Loud" while reading this blog.
Fitness.
I am not up to just under a 10 minute mile and I can run for two miles at that speed. I am doing my workout three to four times a week and combined with eating healthy, I'm melting pounds off. I am happy with the way I look, I always have been...I just like it more now.
I am shooting for an 8 minute mile. If I can run two miles in 16 minutes, I'll enter a 5k run in fall. Let's see if I can get Andy to do that with me.
I am shooting for an 8 minute mile. If I can run two miles in 16 minutes, I'll enter a 5k run in fall. Let's see if I can get Andy to do that with me.
Mother's Day and stuff..
Olivia is with her mom this weekend and my family is getting together for brunch with everyone in our immediate family (stateside) and my Grandma who came up from Iowa.
I am proud to have been raised the way I was and I hope to raise Olivia with the love and attention that my parents gave the kids in my family. I am sure someday I'll get married and have more kids, and I hope to show them that same love.
Motherhood is a daunting task that at times can be the most trying, but the most rewarding experience you can have...and I thank all you mothers out there.
I am proud to have been raised the way I was and I hope to raise Olivia with the love and attention that my parents gave the kids in my family. I am sure someday I'll get married and have more kids, and I hope to show them that same love.
Motherhood is a daunting task that at times can be the most trying, but the most rewarding experience you can have...and I thank all you mothers out there.
Wow
So the co-contributor search continues. I've had 21 entries emailed so far (by the way, if YOU are interested, send me an email as to why you think you'd be a good co-contributor to wordofmouthmn@gmail.com) and have some good candidates!
A side note: Sending your picture will not help you get chosen. I don't care what you look like as long as you can provide good advice.
Five more days remaining before I close round one of choosing a co-contributor. Round two will require you to answer a real advice question and email your response back to me to post. The best response will be chosen as the co-contributor.
Good luck!
A side note: Sending your picture will not help you get chosen. I don't care what you look like as long as you can provide good advice.
Five more days remaining before I close round one of choosing a co-contributor. Round two will require you to answer a real advice question and email your response back to me to post. The best response will be chosen as the co-contributor.
Good luck!
20090508
Search for someone new..
Well I am on the hunt for someone new. Finding a new partner is hard to do. I'd like to find the following qualities:
Good listener
Level headed
Knows when to pick their battles
Can think quickly and act even more quickly
Can also think before they speak
Doesn't judge
and..
Likes to help others.
Yeah, I am talking about finding a new co-contributor. I don't even have to meet you or know you. I just want someone to give a second opinion. I'd prefer a female, because it's nice to get advice from both sides, but I'd accept a male if the it came down to it. Write to me and tell me why you'd make a great co-contributor and we'll see who comes through a winner!
Good listener
Level headed
Knows when to pick their battles
Can think quickly and act even more quickly
Can also think before they speak
Doesn't judge
and..
Likes to help others.
Yeah, I am talking about finding a new co-contributor. I don't even have to meet you or know you. I just want someone to give a second opinion. I'd prefer a female, because it's nice to get advice from both sides, but I'd accept a male if the it came down to it. Write to me and tell me why you'd make a great co-contributor and we'll see who comes through a winner!
20090507
Theresa pt 2
Okay, so here is the news on Theresa:
She is now engaged. I'll let her tell you for herself..
Hi Sean and everyone,
Sorry for not being as "co-contributy" as I should have been. I had been seeing someone when I initially wrote in and was unsure of things with Chris (where we'd end up, what I felt I'd lost, etc), and was really losing myself in the process. I really liked this new person, but didn't want to wreck thing by letting him know about the whole Chris issue, or my initial writing in to this blog.
He found out. Some co-workers of mine were talking about the blog at a party we were at and he checked it out. He read my letters to you as well as my contributions. When he asked me about them, I was honest and told him that I still missed Chris, but also that I was liking where things were going with him.
Thankfully, he understood my perspective and was patient enough to wait for me to sort things out. We even went to therapy together and talked out some other differences. Last week he asked me to dinner and said he wanted to talk about things. I was honestly terrified, but went anyway.
I could only think about being hurt again as I entered the restaurant and found the table. My heart skipped a beat as he reached out his hand and said he has something he wanted to tell me.
He said, "Theresa, you've been a light in my life since the day I met you. I just want you to know that. I also didn't know what to think when I found out about the whole Chris thing."
I gasped. I totally thought it was over.
He continued, "Going through this with you and working on our relationship gives me hope for a long and happy future with you."
I smiled and teared up as he got down on one knee, but then as I looked up, I noticed my mother across the room. I looked around. The entire restaurant was filled with our relatives! He asked me to marry him and I tearfully said yes. We haven't set a date yet, but I've never been happier.
Sean, thank you for ever having this idea for a blog. I am sorry you were hurt and I hope you can forgive Tracy enough to move on if you haven't already. Letting go for me was difficult, but it was the best decision of my life. I never thought I'd find happiness again, but I realized that I am happier now than I have ever been. And I have you to thank for that. I'll send you an invite to the wedding. Maybe then we can finally meet. Thanks again.
Theresa
Well Theresa, I am honored to have had such a part in you finding your happiness. I hope I can make it to your wedding. It WOULD be nice to see someone that has also helped me. You are an amazing advice-giver and if you ever start your own blog, I'd be interested to hear from you. Good luck with your new relationship. I wish you a lifetime of happy memories.
Everyone...sleep well. Dream of the ones you love, even if they are right next to you.
She is now engaged. I'll let her tell you for herself..
Hi Sean and everyone,
Sorry for not being as "co-contributy" as I should have been. I had been seeing someone when I initially wrote in and was unsure of things with Chris (where we'd end up, what I felt I'd lost, etc), and was really losing myself in the process. I really liked this new person, but didn't want to wreck thing by letting him know about the whole Chris issue, or my initial writing in to this blog.
He found out. Some co-workers of mine were talking about the blog at a party we were at and he checked it out. He read my letters to you as well as my contributions. When he asked me about them, I was honest and told him that I still missed Chris, but also that I was liking where things were going with him.
Thankfully, he understood my perspective and was patient enough to wait for me to sort things out. We even went to therapy together and talked out some other differences. Last week he asked me to dinner and said he wanted to talk about things. I was honestly terrified, but went anyway.
I could only think about being hurt again as I entered the restaurant and found the table. My heart skipped a beat as he reached out his hand and said he has something he wanted to tell me.
He said, "Theresa, you've been a light in my life since the day I met you. I just want you to know that. I also didn't know what to think when I found out about the whole Chris thing."
I gasped. I totally thought it was over.
He continued, "Going through this with you and working on our relationship gives me hope for a long and happy future with you."
I smiled and teared up as he got down on one knee, but then as I looked up, I noticed my mother across the room. I looked around. The entire restaurant was filled with our relatives! He asked me to marry him and I tearfully said yes. We haven't set a date yet, but I've never been happier.
Sean, thank you for ever having this idea for a blog. I am sorry you were hurt and I hope you can forgive Tracy enough to move on if you haven't already. Letting go for me was difficult, but it was the best decision of my life. I never thought I'd find happiness again, but I realized that I am happier now than I have ever been. And I have you to thank for that. I'll send you an invite to the wedding. Maybe then we can finally meet. Thanks again.
Theresa
Well Theresa, I am honored to have had such a part in you finding your happiness. I hope I can make it to your wedding. It WOULD be nice to see someone that has also helped me. You are an amazing advice-giver and if you ever start your own blog, I'd be interested to hear from you. Good luck with your new relationship. I wish you a lifetime of happy memories.
Everyone...sleep well. Dream of the ones you love, even if they are right next to you.
Theresa
New news from Theresa. You'll have to wait until tonight for all of the details! I am off to work.
Andy
So I have not only been working on myself to get healthier, but I've also been working with Andy. We're about ready to start running outside and I am pretty pumped. Just a few more days.
He's also got a blog, though he hasn't put much on it lately. I'd imagine you'll start seeing more soon.
http://buildinggeibe.blogspot.com/
Good things will come from this.
He's also got a blog, though he hasn't put much on it lately. I'd imagine you'll start seeing more soon.
http://buildinggeibe.blogspot.com/
Good things will come from this.
20090505
Maria Mena
This is Maria Mena, a singer from Norway. An AWESOME singer from Norway. With a wonderful voice, amazing lyrics, and in my opinion, a killer smile, she is slowly becoming more and more popular here in the US. Many of her songs deal with the intricacies of relationships, whether it's getting past an argument, learning to accept someone's flaws, or just being happy with someone, she speaks volumes.
Check out both of her albums in stores now..a new one is on the way.
Clarity..
I received a few emails saying my recent post was contradictory to a previous post and I'd like to clarify. In the previous post I mentioned that it's nice to keep friendships and not let them fall by the wayside when you're in a relationship. In the new post I stated that when you're in a relationship, you will see your friends list. I don't feel that these statements contradict one another. When you're in a relationship, you WILL see your friends less, because the relationship should be the focus. That doesn't mean you don't see the friends you have, it just means that when you are juggling the lives of two people and their schedules, things may not always work out to you seeing you or your partners' friends as much as when you are single. If you are in a relationship and still putting seeing your friends in front of your relationship or the needs of your partner, then you've got some issues to work through.
In either case, it's about communication and compromise. Everyone has their flaws because they are human, but it's being human that allows us all to learn from our mistakes. If you're in a relationship, let your partner know you love them.
In either case, it's about communication and compromise. Everyone has their flaws because they are human, but it's being human that allows us all to learn from our mistakes. If you're in a relationship, let your partner know you love them.
20090504
Independence day..
Joey from South Carolina writes:
Sean,
Great site man. Sorry to hear about what happened to you, but I think you're better off. She seems like she's got stuff to work through before she can even grow up.
I am writing because I would like to vent about women who are "independent". I joined a dating site 6 months ago because I was tired of finding the wrong type of women, but I am becoming more and more frustrated with the women I am finding there. It's supposed to be hooking you up with like minded people and I seem to get these "independent" women. By independent I mean women that feel that a relationship is "I'll do my thing and you do yours and we'll get together when I have a chance to see you" type women. They don't want a normal relationship, they want me around when they have time for me. They don't want me to plan things, they don't want to think or talk long term, and being in a normal communicating relationship freaks them out. To them, independent seems to mean "I'll do what I want", when that's not the meaning of independent at all...look it up. If everyone did whatever they wanted, this world wouldn't be here. The same goes with "independent" women. If everyone acted like them, we wouldn't have friends, let alone relationships.
I am fed up. I am cancelling my membership tomorrow. The real women I run into from time to time are much more normal that anything I've seen in the last 6 months.
thanks for letting me vent, if you posted this.
Joey
Joey, I totally agree. "Independent" women, or men for that matter, need to realize that relationships still mean they need to communicate with the person they are choosing to have a relationship with. If they are using independent to state that they are not needy, that's great. That is what it should mean in the terms of a relationship. If they are using it to state that they will do whatever the hell they want, whenever they want, that's certainly not a healthy way to start a relationship.
You will lose free time when you're in a relationship. You will not see your friends as much as you used to. You may choose to change your eating and sleeping habits, you may change how you look, and you may make compromises to your comfort level. However, you'll gain love, happiness, trust, commitment and honesty from another person that loves you. That is all part of being in a relationship. You aren't losing who you are, you are instead keeping your true self and gaining a second self to look out for. If you define who you are by how you look, by how much you see your friends, or how people perceive you, you should be soul searching and trying to fix yourself before going onto a dating site.
Sean,
Great site man. Sorry to hear about what happened to you, but I think you're better off. She seems like she's got stuff to work through before she can even grow up.
I am writing because I would like to vent about women who are "independent". I joined a dating site 6 months ago because I was tired of finding the wrong type of women, but I am becoming more and more frustrated with the women I am finding there. It's supposed to be hooking you up with like minded people and I seem to get these "independent" women. By independent I mean women that feel that a relationship is "I'll do my thing and you do yours and we'll get together when I have a chance to see you" type women. They don't want a normal relationship, they want me around when they have time for me. They don't want me to plan things, they don't want to think or talk long term, and being in a normal communicating relationship freaks them out. To them, independent seems to mean "I'll do what I want", when that's not the meaning of independent at all...look it up. If everyone did whatever they wanted, this world wouldn't be here. The same goes with "independent" women. If everyone acted like them, we wouldn't have friends, let alone relationships.
I am fed up. I am cancelling my membership tomorrow. The real women I run into from time to time are much more normal that anything I've seen in the last 6 months.
thanks for letting me vent, if you posted this.
Joey
Joey, I totally agree. "Independent" women, or men for that matter, need to realize that relationships still mean they need to communicate with the person they are choosing to have a relationship with. If they are using independent to state that they are not needy, that's great. That is what it should mean in the terms of a relationship. If they are using it to state that they will do whatever the hell they want, whenever they want, that's certainly not a healthy way to start a relationship.
You will lose free time when you're in a relationship. You will not see your friends as much as you used to. You may choose to change your eating and sleeping habits, you may change how you look, and you may make compromises to your comfort level. However, you'll gain love, happiness, trust, commitment and honesty from another person that loves you. That is all part of being in a relationship. You aren't losing who you are, you are instead keeping your true self and gaining a second self to look out for. If you define who you are by how you look, by how much you see your friends, or how people perceive you, you should be soul searching and trying to fix yourself before going onto a dating site.
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