Dan from Woodbury wrote:
I liked your old workout playlist, but if you're like me, the music gets old fast. I was wondering if you had made any changes to your playlist?
Dan
Dan,
I make weekly changes to my playlist. Here's a rundown of the top 15 songs I am listening to right now:
1. Say Anything- "Do Better"
2. Bullet for My Valentine- "Tears Don't Fall"
3. Charm City Devils- "Almost Home"
4. Editors- "No Sound But The Wind"
5. Jay-Z- "Run This Town"
6. Kings of Leon- "Notion"
7. My American Heart- "California Love" (The 2pac/Dre cover)
8. No Love Lost- "Dirty Girl"
9. 30 Seconds to Mars- "Kings and Queens"
10. Theatre Breaks Loose- "See Me Through"
11. Parachute- "Ghost"
12. Owl City- "Vanilla Twilight"
13. Dishwalla- "Collide"
14. Taking Back Sunday- "You Know How I Do"
15. Until June- "Baby"
It's a little more laid back. I don't need the large number of aggressive songs to push me to run farther or faster. I can do it on my own now. If you were wondering what my progress is, I am under a size 36 waist now and finally have visible definition in my arms, chest, back and abs. I have never had that before and am actually quite proud of my progress.
20091030
20091027
Dollars and...Sense..
"Harvey" wrote:
I am not a rich man by any means. I have TONS in student loans and was taken advantage of (scammed) in a previous marriage. As a result, I have a giant amount of debt that saps away just about all of my paycheck. I look at all of my friends pictures on Facebook and other sites and I can't help but to notice that they are all out on boats, getting married, travelling the world, and I am just here..working away to pay bills. How will I ever find someone who will want to be a part of my life?
"Harv"
Thanks for writing Harv. Money isn't everything. It really isn't. I'd rather be poor and madly in love than rich and twice divorced. All the material goods on this earth won't make good relationships with people in your life, nor will money. The thing that matters in life is how many lives you can touch.
Every religion basically has the principle of "be good," and that is exactly right. Whether you are a religious person or not, be a good person to those around you, make solid connections in life, be yourself, and live life (when you aren't working).
If your friends are out doing these things, have they ever invited you? I am guessing they have but you've been so down about finances that you've declined the offer. Don't sit around on the couch feeling sorry for yourself. I don't know where you live, but there are TONS of low cost or free things to do here in the Twin Cities. Find those things and take advantage of a new experience. You may meet someone you can connect with along the way.
Sean
I am not a rich man by any means. I have TONS in student loans and was taken advantage of (scammed) in a previous marriage. As a result, I have a giant amount of debt that saps away just about all of my paycheck. I look at all of my friends pictures on Facebook and other sites and I can't help but to notice that they are all out on boats, getting married, travelling the world, and I am just here..working away to pay bills. How will I ever find someone who will want to be a part of my life?
"Harv"
Thanks for writing Harv. Money isn't everything. It really isn't. I'd rather be poor and madly in love than rich and twice divorced. All the material goods on this earth won't make good relationships with people in your life, nor will money. The thing that matters in life is how many lives you can touch.
Every religion basically has the principle of "be good," and that is exactly right. Whether you are a religious person or not, be a good person to those around you, make solid connections in life, be yourself, and live life (when you aren't working).
If your friends are out doing these things, have they ever invited you? I am guessing they have but you've been so down about finances that you've declined the offer. Don't sit around on the couch feeling sorry for yourself. I don't know where you live, but there are TONS of low cost or free things to do here in the Twin Cities. Find those things and take advantage of a new experience. You may meet someone you can connect with along the way.
Sean
Over the shoulder boulder holder
SJG24 wrote:
You have a great blog man, keep up the great work. I'd like to know your opinion on these new SUPER padded bras though. There is this new bra from Victoria Secret for example that adds like two cup sizes, but it's all in padding! Now, I am not a boob guy, but it makes me feel like I've been lied to, when I remove one of those and see that the chest is much smaller than anticipated. I've even started ending dates because of this.
What's your thought on these awful inventions?
SJG24
Well SJG24,
I agree with you that it is deceptive to "make mountains out of mole hills" so to speak, mainly because I think women should be proud of what they have. Any self respecting guy doesn't go around with a giant plastic dong in his pants to impress the women that look for that sort of thing, so I feel women shouldn't be worried about impressing the small number of guys that look at a woman just for her breast size.
I can understand your feeling of deception, but frankly, you need to grow the hell up. While it may be a temporary disappointment for you so make such a discovery, ending a date over boob size just makes you a douchebag. Who cares if they are smaller than you anticipated?? You are with a woman, that odds are, a ton of other guys would want to be with. Just feel lucky that you even have someone's bra to take off. Get to know people SJG24, get to know them for who they are and maybe stupid things like breast size and padded bras will become a deception you can live with.
You have a great blog man, keep up the great work. I'd like to know your opinion on these new SUPER padded bras though. There is this new bra from Victoria Secret for example that adds like two cup sizes, but it's all in padding! Now, I am not a boob guy, but it makes me feel like I've been lied to, when I remove one of those and see that the chest is much smaller than anticipated. I've even started ending dates because of this.
What's your thought on these awful inventions?
SJG24
Well SJG24,
I agree with you that it is deceptive to "make mountains out of mole hills" so to speak, mainly because I think women should be proud of what they have. Any self respecting guy doesn't go around with a giant plastic dong in his pants to impress the women that look for that sort of thing, so I feel women shouldn't be worried about impressing the small number of guys that look at a woman just for her breast size.
I can understand your feeling of deception, but frankly, you need to grow the hell up. While it may be a temporary disappointment for you so make such a discovery, ending a date over boob size just makes you a douchebag. Who cares if they are smaller than you anticipated?? You are with a woman, that odds are, a ton of other guys would want to be with. Just feel lucky that you even have someone's bra to take off. Get to know people SJG24, get to know them for who they are and maybe stupid things like breast size and padded bras will become a deception you can live with.
20091026
Up in smoke..
Dylan from Idaho wrote:
Sean,
I love the blog and I am writing to ask some fitness advice. I am an avid smoker and have been unsuccessful at quitting. I am friends with a friend of yours that said you were at one time a smoker. How did you manage to quit? How long did you smoke for? I'm at 10 years and I hate it now, but I can't seem to quit.
Dylan
Well Dylan, yes I was a smoker for about 5 years. I can blame the radio industry, I can blame friends, I can blame the cigarette industry for starting my habit and keeping it going, but the truth is is it was all my decision to begin in the first place. I was so addicted that I even smoked while going through my cancer treatment. Stupid, I know..
Anyway, I have been smoke free for over two years and I plan on staying that way. I can't even stand the smell of it anymore. I am so happy that I can run without panting and wheezing like a 90 year old.
If you're having trouble quitting, try Nicorette (shameless plug). The cinnamon flavor doesn't taste like crap-it actually tastes like cinnamon gum, and it will do wonders in helping you quit. I tried the patch and all it did was make me dizzy and cause my ass cheek to cramp up. Not fun when you're sitting in a chair the whole day. You also end up looking like an idiot when you jump up from your chair and walk around your office holding one ass cheek. The gum helped.
I also gave myself a reason to quit. When quitting, sometimes doing it for yourself isn't enough for your body to quit. Your body sees the addiction as more important than your body, just as in any drug or alcohol addiction, it wants the substance first.
If you go beyond yourself though, and give yourself a goal that is outside of you and your addiction, you may find greater success. For me, it was my daughter. I didn't want her to know I was a smoker, I didn't want her to ever see me smoking or smell smoke on me, and I didn't want to die off at an early age and miss some wonderful parts of her life. I got sick of hiding it, and I got sick of not being able to run around with her without being out of breath.
With that goal in mind, I threw out the pack I had, and with the help of a few pieces of Nicorette, I was done. I haven't smoked since. I now run 3-4 times a week, and am much healthier than I have ever been in my life.
Smoking is a limiting addiction. Find your motivation to quit and go for it. If you fail, keep trying. Give your goal a solid foundation and stay motivated.
Sean
Sean,
I love the blog and I am writing to ask some fitness advice. I am an avid smoker and have been unsuccessful at quitting. I am friends with a friend of yours that said you were at one time a smoker. How did you manage to quit? How long did you smoke for? I'm at 10 years and I hate it now, but I can't seem to quit.
Dylan
Well Dylan, yes I was a smoker for about 5 years. I can blame the radio industry, I can blame friends, I can blame the cigarette industry for starting my habit and keeping it going, but the truth is is it was all my decision to begin in the first place. I was so addicted that I even smoked while going through my cancer treatment. Stupid, I know..
Anyway, I have been smoke free for over two years and I plan on staying that way. I can't even stand the smell of it anymore. I am so happy that I can run without panting and wheezing like a 90 year old.
If you're having trouble quitting, try Nicorette (shameless plug). The cinnamon flavor doesn't taste like crap-it actually tastes like cinnamon gum, and it will do wonders in helping you quit. I tried the patch and all it did was make me dizzy and cause my ass cheek to cramp up. Not fun when you're sitting in a chair the whole day. You also end up looking like an idiot when you jump up from your chair and walk around your office holding one ass cheek. The gum helped.
I also gave myself a reason to quit. When quitting, sometimes doing it for yourself isn't enough for your body to quit. Your body sees the addiction as more important than your body, just as in any drug or alcohol addiction, it wants the substance first.
If you go beyond yourself though, and give yourself a goal that is outside of you and your addiction, you may find greater success. For me, it was my daughter. I didn't want her to know I was a smoker, I didn't want her to ever see me smoking or smell smoke on me, and I didn't want to die off at an early age and miss some wonderful parts of her life. I got sick of hiding it, and I got sick of not being able to run around with her without being out of breath.
With that goal in mind, I threw out the pack I had, and with the help of a few pieces of Nicorette, I was done. I haven't smoked since. I now run 3-4 times a week, and am much healthier than I have ever been in my life.
Smoking is a limiting addiction. Find your motivation to quit and go for it. If you fail, keep trying. Give your goal a solid foundation and stay motivated.
Sean
20091024
Brand new love
Christina from Minnesota wrote:
Sean,
My friend told me about your blog and I absolutely love it. It's my new guilty pleasure. You really seem to have your stuff together as far as relationships go, so I want to ask your advice.
I am new to the whole dating thing. I've always been the good student and the good employee, and never really made time for dating. Now, I am 22 and am just setting foot into the dating world. It's a scary place. I don't really know how trusting to be of people. I have seen my friends and co-workers have some bad things happen and I know that I shouldn't be too trusting, but how do I not fear the unknown? I don't want to sabotage a good thing when I find one, but I don't want to get taken advantage of..
Christina
Good question Christina. I think it's all about asking the right questions. Qualify the person you are interested and what their goals and interests are before you commit to anything with them. Getting to know someone can literally take a lifetime, but the general points and personality traits all come out up front. It's just noticing what those traits are (and red flags) that can be tricky. If someone is okay with being generally dishonest, if someone is secretive, or if someone seems standoffish about their past, it may be a good idea not to involve yourself emotionally with that person until they are clear of those issues. If someone is not willing to spend time with you unless things are physical, avoid them altogether.
Just think safely. You're bound to hurt at some time, but if you think logically and put your safety first, you'll make good decisions when dating.
Sean
Sean,
My friend told me about your blog and I absolutely love it. It's my new guilty pleasure. You really seem to have your stuff together as far as relationships go, so I want to ask your advice.
I am new to the whole dating thing. I've always been the good student and the good employee, and never really made time for dating. Now, I am 22 and am just setting foot into the dating world. It's a scary place. I don't really know how trusting to be of people. I have seen my friends and co-workers have some bad things happen and I know that I shouldn't be too trusting, but how do I not fear the unknown? I don't want to sabotage a good thing when I find one, but I don't want to get taken advantage of..
Christina
Good question Christina. I think it's all about asking the right questions. Qualify the person you are interested and what their goals and interests are before you commit to anything with them. Getting to know someone can literally take a lifetime, but the general points and personality traits all come out up front. It's just noticing what those traits are (and red flags) that can be tricky. If someone is okay with being generally dishonest, if someone is secretive, or if someone seems standoffish about their past, it may be a good idea not to involve yourself emotionally with that person until they are clear of those issues. If someone is not willing to spend time with you unless things are physical, avoid them altogether.
Just think safely. You're bound to hurt at some time, but if you think logically and put your safety first, you'll make good decisions when dating.
Sean
Nice compliments..
Thanks to all of you reading my blog that have sent in compliments.
Mindy from South Carolina
Sofia from California
Madison from Oklahoma
Noah from Minnesota
Cory from Minnesota
Jake from Ohio
Sean from Unknown
Tyler from Florida
Frankie from Canada
flw2498 from Unknown
prettybird from Vermont
It's nice to see more and more people reading. Keep telling your friends.
Mindy from South Carolina
Sofia from California
Madison from Oklahoma
Noah from Minnesota
Cory from Minnesota
Jake from Ohio
Sean from Unknown
Tyler from Florida
Frankie from Canada
flw2498 from Unknown
prettybird from Vermont
It's nice to see more and more people reading. Keep telling your friends.
Fatherhood
Trent in Nebraska wrote:
You're a dad, so I need some advice. My fiancee and I just had a child and are also splitting up. I am scared to death of being a single father, but I know it's for the best. I just worry that I'll screw up my son somehow. I've never done this on my own. How do you do it?
Trent
Trent,
I am assuming that you already know how to change a diaper and feed the baby? If not, read up on that. Those two are the basics. Clothing would be the third thing. Always have an extra pair of clothes, and a few diapers with you (TRUST ME ON THAT ONE).
As far as raising a child, I can't tell you exactly what to do because each child is different, but I can give you some advice from what I've learned.
Here are the top ten things you'll need to know:
1. Don't let the child throw tantrums. Teach them the discipline to express themselves by talking to you about things rather than screaming and fussing.
2. Time out should only be used as a learning tool.
3. Read to your child daily. Let them read to you after you teach them how to read.
4. Talk with your child daily. Even if they are too young to talk back, talk to them using adult words and not baby speak. It will greatly benefit you in the future.
5. Be there for your child. There is nothing greater than Saturday naptime with your child. You will miss this when they grow up.
6. Teach them that nutrition is easy and delicious. Picky eating is a learned behavior. There ARE foods other than hotdogs and mac n cheese.
7. Be active with them. Wrestling on the floor, park time, and playing are all fun ways to be involved. It is okay for dads to play dolls..
8. Show your child that while technology is increasing in our world, their imagination is still the most wonderful tool. (..and when building forts, don't put anything heavy on the roof, unless you want a cave-in..)
9. Make sure your life has structure and that theirs does too. Set bedtimes, dinner times, and cleaning days will greatly improve your quality of free time.
10. Love that child. Show them the value of love and making good relationships. Try to get your friends to realize that your child is the focus. It isn't always easy, but good friends will understand.
It's all pretty basic other than that. You'll have moments that you get angry, others that you're scared, and others that you're so proud, you can't help but tear up. It's a great thing to be a dad. Let me know if you need anything else.
Sean
Catching up..
It's inventory time at work and things have been hectic to say the least. I am WAY behind on some posts, so be ready to see quite a few coming in the next few days.
20091020
M83 response 2
Naima wrote:
I see this song as more of a dream. Not passionate, but longing. To me the woman is envisioning everything she cannot find and hopes to have.
This is a neat write-in. Your blog is very well written. I think you should do more write-ins.
Naima
Thanks for writing Naima. Who knows? Maybe you will see more write-ins...
Sean
I see this song as more of a dream. Not passionate, but longing. To me the woman is envisioning everything she cannot find and hopes to have.
This is a neat write-in. Your blog is very well written. I think you should do more write-ins.
Naima
Thanks for writing Naima. Who knows? Maybe you will see more write-ins...
Sean
Terrible lie..
BPC184 Wrote:
I think I am dating a pathological liar. She was in an abusive relationship just before we got together, and I think it had some sort of effect on her, otherwise she's been lying for much longer than I can imagine.
Here's the deal: We're only seeing each other and she swears she isn't seeing anyone, but she keeps making excuses as to why she is busy at times and when I've called her out on those excuses, she gets defensive and calls me insecure. For example..we had plans to go see a movie last Friday and she bailed out by saying her cousin had just filed for divorce from his wife and she needed to talk with him. I thought that was a pretty good reason, so I went out anyway. I swung by her place after the movie and as I was driving to her place, she passed me in a car with a guy who wasn't her cousin. I pulled over and watched in horror as he dropped her off and drove away. She called about 20 minutes later and said she'd literally just walked in the door, which I knew was a lie, and that she was tired. I let it go.
We then rescheduled our movie date and had some other plans which she also cancelled, saying she didn't feel well and would be staying home. I thought I'd be romantic and take over some chicken noodle soup with a little bow on it, but when I showed up, she wasn't home. I called her and asked if she was home, but got voicemail, so I sent a text asking the same thing. She replied, saying she was home in bed. I had knocked and rung the doorbell, so I knew she wasn't there. I waited in my car (yeah, it was just down the street..but I was pissed) and a short while later, she showed up with the same guy again. I was furious. I'd also caught her lying about basic things when she'd said one thing earlier and then said something different later. When I corrected her, she got all flustered and started making me think I was stupid for "not understanding what she meant".
She keeps denying she isn't seeing anyone else, but she can't seem to be open with me about things, especially with this mystery guy.
Help..
BPC184
It seems to me as if you have someone here that is having trouble dealing with reality. I recommend distancing yourself from her as much as possible. If she is doing this to you, she is doing it to other people and you don't want to be there when everyone finds out..which they always do.
She can't seem to tell you the truth about who she is with and what she is doing. If she doesn't want to see you, she should just tell you. If she wants to see other people, she should be honest about it. The fact that she may be doing either of these (and it looks like she is), says she is lacking some control in her life and feels that by having the upper hand in these situations, she can have some sort of balance. By calling her out on her lies, you are tossing her into an unstable place and she is trying to confuse you to regain the upper hand.
This is bad news, but you stalking her isn't a good idea either. You caught her, so to speak, the first time. You should have called her out on it and let it go then, but you stuck around and "waited down the block" to catch her again and still haven't ended things. You should be long gone by now, but your sticking around tells me that you are either into her way more than you should be at this point, or you've got some issues too. Just let her go and find someone who can be honest with you. Things with her will right themselves without you and she'll eventually see what she's been doing to all of the other people she may have around.
Sean
I think I am dating a pathological liar. She was in an abusive relationship just before we got together, and I think it had some sort of effect on her, otherwise she's been lying for much longer than I can imagine.
Here's the deal: We're only seeing each other and she swears she isn't seeing anyone, but she keeps making excuses as to why she is busy at times and when I've called her out on those excuses, she gets defensive and calls me insecure. For example..we had plans to go see a movie last Friday and she bailed out by saying her cousin had just filed for divorce from his wife and she needed to talk with him. I thought that was a pretty good reason, so I went out anyway. I swung by her place after the movie and as I was driving to her place, she passed me in a car with a guy who wasn't her cousin. I pulled over and watched in horror as he dropped her off and drove away. She called about 20 minutes later and said she'd literally just walked in the door, which I knew was a lie, and that she was tired. I let it go.
We then rescheduled our movie date and had some other plans which she also cancelled, saying she didn't feel well and would be staying home. I thought I'd be romantic and take over some chicken noodle soup with a little bow on it, but when I showed up, she wasn't home. I called her and asked if she was home, but got voicemail, so I sent a text asking the same thing. She replied, saying she was home in bed. I had knocked and rung the doorbell, so I knew she wasn't there. I waited in my car (yeah, it was just down the street..but I was pissed) and a short while later, she showed up with the same guy again. I was furious. I'd also caught her lying about basic things when she'd said one thing earlier and then said something different later. When I corrected her, she got all flustered and started making me think I was stupid for "not understanding what she meant".
She keeps denying she isn't seeing anyone else, but she can't seem to be open with me about things, especially with this mystery guy.
Help..
BPC184
It seems to me as if you have someone here that is having trouble dealing with reality. I recommend distancing yourself from her as much as possible. If she is doing this to you, she is doing it to other people and you don't want to be there when everyone finds out..which they always do.
She can't seem to tell you the truth about who she is with and what she is doing. If she doesn't want to see you, she should just tell you. If she wants to see other people, she should be honest about it. The fact that she may be doing either of these (and it looks like she is), says she is lacking some control in her life and feels that by having the upper hand in these situations, she can have some sort of balance. By calling her out on her lies, you are tossing her into an unstable place and she is trying to confuse you to regain the upper hand.
This is bad news, but you stalking her isn't a good idea either. You caught her, so to speak, the first time. You should have called her out on it and let it go then, but you stuck around and "waited down the block" to catch her again and still haven't ended things. You should be long gone by now, but your sticking around tells me that you are either into her way more than you should be at this point, or you've got some issues too. Just let her go and find someone who can be honest with you. Things with her will right themselves without you and she'll eventually see what she's been doing to all of the other people she may have around.
Sean
M83 response number 1
Tim wrote:
I love this band man. I wasn't born until 1982 but this stuff makes me think about what it would have been like to be a teenager then..good recommendation. I had to download the whole album for free from Mediafire, but it's a great album.
Here is what it brings to mind. You were right about the sensuality of the song by the way.
I picture a couple meeting in Central Park after a fall storm and an argument the night before. They begin to apologize but end up getting back into the argument when the girl just grabs the guy and kisses him. I can almost see the fall colors in Central Park and the steam from their breath as they kiss.
That's it. It was an awesome song. Good choice. Love the site too.
Tim
Thanks Tim. It does seem to be a fall song.
I love this band man. I wasn't born until 1982 but this stuff makes me think about what it would have been like to be a teenager then..good recommendation. I had to download the whole album for free from Mediafire, but it's a great album.
Here is what it brings to mind. You were right about the sensuality of the song by the way.
I picture a couple meeting in Central Park after a fall storm and an argument the night before. They begin to apologize but end up getting back into the argument when the girl just grabs the guy and kisses him. I can almost see the fall colors in Central Park and the steam from their breath as they kiss.
That's it. It was an awesome song. Good choice. Love the site too.
Tim
Thanks Tim. It does seem to be a fall song.
20091019
Kari
Kari wrote:
Sean
I really like your site. I work three jobs so I don't have much time to read, but after months of checking, I am finally caught up. You are a brilliant writer. Have you ever considered going pro? I am sure you'd have thousands of new fans, with the right publicity.
Anywho, I am writing to you because I have a friend that is heading down the wrong path. She's 23 and is slowly pitching her life down the toilet. Here's the deal:
She was abused sexually by her stepfather when she was just 8. She ran away from home and was finally able to talk with her mom about things when she was 16. The problem is, is I think she feels dirty for what happened. She uses men sexually, has drug and drinking problems, and is very defeatist on her future. Soometimes, she cries when we hang out and states (in a round-about way) that she feels she isn't good enough for anyone normal.
How can I help her? I've never had things like what she's been through happen to me, so I don't know what to say.
Kari
Well Kari,
These issues are all tough to deal with from her perspective as well as yours. When there is molestation, rape, or sexual abuse of any kind involved at an early age, it can cause the person to detach themselves from reality in order to deal with the aftershock of what happened. If this isn't resolved and too much time passes, it's like an open wound, it gets bigger and worse, and the problems just keep piling up as a result. If she is using men sexually, it may signify that she is looking for control in her life and she feels this is the only way to control the chaos. If she has the upper hand with the men in her life and can control them, it may be making her feel like things are less chaotic. The drinking and drug issues tell me that she is looking for some sort of escape from what she is feeling is a very harsh reality. Does she just drink when there aren't men to control or does she drink and use drugs all of the time?
You mentioned she talked with her mom about it. Is her mom still married to that man? Has your friend or her mother confronted him about it? Lack of resolution seems to be a "gorilla in the room" here and may be the start of something positive.
When things like this happen, innocence is shattered in an instant and entire lives get turned on their ends. It's what happens afterward that will dictate how the future plays out. I'd recommend you to recommend therapy for her, as a friend, and as someone who cares about her future. Do what you can to get her there.
Sean
Sean
I really like your site. I work three jobs so I don't have much time to read, but after months of checking, I am finally caught up. You are a brilliant writer. Have you ever considered going pro? I am sure you'd have thousands of new fans, with the right publicity.
Anywho, I am writing to you because I have a friend that is heading down the wrong path. She's 23 and is slowly pitching her life down the toilet. Here's the deal:
She was abused sexually by her stepfather when she was just 8. She ran away from home and was finally able to talk with her mom about things when she was 16. The problem is, is I think she feels dirty for what happened. She uses men sexually, has drug and drinking problems, and is very defeatist on her future. Soometimes, she cries when we hang out and states (in a round-about way) that she feels she isn't good enough for anyone normal.
How can I help her? I've never had things like what she's been through happen to me, so I don't know what to say.
Kari
Well Kari,
These issues are all tough to deal with from her perspective as well as yours. When there is molestation, rape, or sexual abuse of any kind involved at an early age, it can cause the person to detach themselves from reality in order to deal with the aftershock of what happened. If this isn't resolved and too much time passes, it's like an open wound, it gets bigger and worse, and the problems just keep piling up as a result. If she is using men sexually, it may signify that she is looking for control in her life and she feels this is the only way to control the chaos. If she has the upper hand with the men in her life and can control them, it may be making her feel like things are less chaotic. The drinking and drug issues tell me that she is looking for some sort of escape from what she is feeling is a very harsh reality. Does she just drink when there aren't men to control or does she drink and use drugs all of the time?
You mentioned she talked with her mom about it. Is her mom still married to that man? Has your friend or her mother confronted him about it? Lack of resolution seems to be a "gorilla in the room" here and may be the start of something positive.
When things like this happen, innocence is shattered in an instant and entire lives get turned on their ends. It's what happens afterward that will dictate how the future plays out. I'd recommend you to recommend therapy for her, as a friend, and as someone who cares about her future. Do what you can to get her there.
Sean
M83
I've recently discovered a band called M83. Their early-80's throwback sound is a nice change from today's music and even the cover is awesome. It looks like a scene from some remake of The Breakfast Club. The album is worth a listen and it has inspired me to inspire you.
I'd like you to find a copy of M83's "Skin of the Night" song and have a listen, then write me and tell me what it brings to mind. It's a sensual-in-an-80's-kind-of-way song, so here's mine as an example:
I picture some movie with Rob Lowe and Phoebe Cates. He is on the run after getting mixed up in a tax deal. The FBI wants him and the bad guys (his girlfriend's dad) want him dead. He and his girlfriend (Phoebe Cates) have run out of NYC and are on the east coast trying to make sense of things. In the middle of a heated arguement, in which Rob Lowe has revealed that Phoebe Cates' father is indeed the bad guy and wants them both dead, she grabs him and kisses him. A love scene ensues. This is the soundtrack to that whole thing.
Now, that movie never happened. It should have, but the band members of M83 look like they weren't even born yet, so there's the whole being a fetus thing working against them. I don't know of many fetuses that can play instruments.
Anyway..have a listen. You have three days. Let's hear your story.
You can find their album "Saturdays=Youth" on several sites.
Sean
I'd like you to find a copy of M83's "Skin of the Night" song and have a listen, then write me and tell me what it brings to mind. It's a sensual-in-an-80's-kind-of-way song, so here's mine as an example:
I picture some movie with Rob Lowe and Phoebe Cates. He is on the run after getting mixed up in a tax deal. The FBI wants him and the bad guys (his girlfriend's dad) want him dead. He and his girlfriend (Phoebe Cates) have run out of NYC and are on the east coast trying to make sense of things. In the middle of a heated arguement, in which Rob Lowe has revealed that Phoebe Cates' father is indeed the bad guy and wants them both dead, she grabs him and kisses him. A love scene ensues. This is the soundtrack to that whole thing.
Now, that movie never happened. It should have, but the band members of M83 look like they weren't even born yet, so there's the whole being a fetus thing working against them. I don't know of many fetuses that can play instruments.
Anyway..have a listen. You have three days. Let's hear your story.
You can find their album "Saturdays=Youth" on several sites.
Sean
20091016
Energy.
Many people that know me know I love energy drinks, and yet I have a personal mission to rid my life of HFCS (high fructose corn syrup). One reader asked:
"If you're so against HFCS, how do you drink energy drinks? I thought they had like 4 cups of sugar or something."
You're right. The energy drinks with HFCS have TONS of sugar mainly because of the concentration of HFCS and added sugar. That is why I choose energy drinks with zero sugar or just drinks with sucrose.
For example:
Xyience Xenergy has a bunch of different flavors all with no calories, no HFCS, and virtually no sugar at all. Yeah, it's still got all of the vitamins and energy stuff, and yeah it tastes amazing. Forget the cough syrup taste of Red Bull. This stuff can be picked up at any Holiday or Super America, and many other gas stations.
This can looks menacing, but the taste is fantastic. It's on sale nationwide (I think because the other two flavors of this taste like ass), and it's fruit punchy flavor will have you coming back for more. Great news for those addicted to Monster Fruit Punch..it has much less sugar than Monster.
This isn't an energy drink really, but it's a good Minnesota made alternative to Izze (a sparkling drink that has a nationwide campaign against HFCS). It can be found in many grocery stores, is much cheaper than Izze, and tastes fantastic. Good for the kids. Nothing artificial. Awesome.
This is my favorite new flavor of Xenergy. Appley-goodness galore.
Monster normally sucks. It's got tons of sugar, nasty flavor that can be smelled from 10 feet away, and it it thick, like drinking syrup. Not a good drink at all. HOWEVER..Monster Nitrous tastes NOTHING like Monster (All three flavors taste amazing) and is made with nitrous oxide. It doesn't do anything special but it makes a nice pop when you open the resealable can.
Bing energy drink doesn't pack the energy rush that most drinks do, it's made from more natural ingredients and has a great bing cherry flavor. Think of it as drinking cherry pie.
Rockstar Zero Carb is a great tasting alternative to the regular Rockstar. It also doesn't taste like crap.
And now..my absolute favorite energy drink.
It's an Anheuser Busch product (no alcohol in it..), and all three flavors taste amazing. It was on the market back in the early days of energy drinks, but went through a packaging and formula re-design to make it HFCS free and improve the taste. It's tough to find, but anywhere that sells Anheuser Busch products can order you a case or two. It's worth every cent. Personally, I feel the Orange flavor is the best around, while the Acai Berry is like drinking a damn blueberry muffin. Yum!
Now, energy drinks are just as bad for your teeth as soda or coffee, because they are also acidic, so don't overdo it..just enjoy the rush and the flavor.
"If you're so against HFCS, how do you drink energy drinks? I thought they had like 4 cups of sugar or something."
You're right. The energy drinks with HFCS have TONS of sugar mainly because of the concentration of HFCS and added sugar. That is why I choose energy drinks with zero sugar or just drinks with sucrose.
For example:
Xyience Xenergy has a bunch of different flavors all with no calories, no HFCS, and virtually no sugar at all. Yeah, it's still got all of the vitamins and energy stuff, and yeah it tastes amazing. Forget the cough syrup taste of Red Bull. This stuff can be picked up at any Holiday or Super America, and many other gas stations.
This can looks menacing, but the taste is fantastic. It's on sale nationwide (I think because the other two flavors of this taste like ass), and it's fruit punchy flavor will have you coming back for more. Great news for those addicted to Monster Fruit Punch..it has much less sugar than Monster.
This isn't an energy drink really, but it's a good Minnesota made alternative to Izze (a sparkling drink that has a nationwide campaign against HFCS). It can be found in many grocery stores, is much cheaper than Izze, and tastes fantastic. Good for the kids. Nothing artificial. Awesome.
This is my favorite new flavor of Xenergy. Appley-goodness galore.
Monster normally sucks. It's got tons of sugar, nasty flavor that can be smelled from 10 feet away, and it it thick, like drinking syrup. Not a good drink at all. HOWEVER..Monster Nitrous tastes NOTHING like Monster (All three flavors taste amazing) and is made with nitrous oxide. It doesn't do anything special but it makes a nice pop when you open the resealable can.
Bing energy drink doesn't pack the energy rush that most drinks do, it's made from more natural ingredients and has a great bing cherry flavor. Think of it as drinking cherry pie.
Rockstar Zero Carb is a great tasting alternative to the regular Rockstar. It also doesn't taste like crap.
And now..my absolute favorite energy drink.
It's an Anheuser Busch product (no alcohol in it..), and all three flavors taste amazing. It was on the market back in the early days of energy drinks, but went through a packaging and formula re-design to make it HFCS free and improve the taste. It's tough to find, but anywhere that sells Anheuser Busch products can order you a case or two. It's worth every cent. Personally, I feel the Orange flavor is the best around, while the Acai Berry is like drinking a damn blueberry muffin. Yum!Now, energy drinks are just as bad for your teeth as soda or coffee, because they are also acidic, so don't overdo it..just enjoy the rush and the flavor.
20091012
Vampires hate bullshit..
So I hate the Twilight series. It's like a kick in the balls to every bit of vampire lore around. They shimmer? WTF?? Here is how that'd go..
Kid A: "Oh look, there is something shimmering in the forest. Maybe it's a vampire."
Kid B: "Maybe is Maybelline.."
And that Robert guy. I am not even wasting the energy to look up the guy's last name. I just know he needs some beef or spinach or something. I thought he looked like a poster child for anemia in the movie trailer...then I saw him in real life. Holy crap! It's even worse! He must wear gloves when reading his script. One papercut and he'd bleed out.
Don't even get me started on the girl in the movie. I saw better acting in Zathura. Oh, that was her too? Crap.
Anyway, I am mentioning my hatred of Twilight for two reasons. First, to make you aware that vampires are supposed to burn in sunlight. Secondly, to tell you that the "Twilight 2 the Electric Vampire Boogaloo" (or whatever the movie's called) soundtrack is out and is actually AWESOME. It is a little depressing and quiet, but features music from the Killers, Thom Yorke, OK GO, The Editors, and more. A solid soundtrack if I do say so myself. Now, if they could just rewrite the entire series and maybe get it right..
Kid A: "Oh look, there is something shimmering in the forest. Maybe it's a vampire."
Kid B: "Maybe is Maybelline.."
And that Robert guy. I am not even wasting the energy to look up the guy's last name. I just know he needs some beef or spinach or something. I thought he looked like a poster child for anemia in the movie trailer...then I saw him in real life. Holy crap! It's even worse! He must wear gloves when reading his script. One papercut and he'd bleed out.
Don't even get me started on the girl in the movie. I saw better acting in Zathura. Oh, that was her too? Crap.
Anyway, I am mentioning my hatred of Twilight for two reasons. First, to make you aware that vampires are supposed to burn in sunlight. Secondly, to tell you that the "Twilight 2 the Electric Vampire Boogaloo" (or whatever the movie's called) soundtrack is out and is actually AWESOME. It is a little depressing and quiet, but features music from the Killers, Thom Yorke, OK GO, The Editors, and more. A solid soundtrack if I do say so myself. Now, if they could just rewrite the entire series and maybe get it right..
20091009
The masks we wear..
I figured this was fitting since it's October..
Ghostman wrote:
I have a problem. I meet women and find myself trying to be everything they've always wanted. The problem is that I try so hard, that when I run out of money (often..I'm in college), or when they find out who I really am, the relationship crashes and burns. I know this is the problem, so I guess I am not writing about that, but what is your take on people who are always the great pretenders? Maybe some reality will do me some good.
Ghostman
GM-
I remember being a child and loving to hide behind the magic and the fantasy of a mask or costume. I could be Superman in a second, Beetlejuice, Yoda, Lion-O, or anyone else I thought up. I'll bet you even have a few favorite costumes from years gone by that you played with long after Halloween.
As we grow up, we all develop masks of our own. Some put on a mask to hide their insecurities, some to hide their pain or fear, and others put on a mask to feel like a superhero in a time when they aren't even strong enough to handle their own life.
It's not the wearing the mask that is the difficult part. I would have stayed in my Yoda outfit until I turned 6 if my mom would have let me. When we wear the masks in our lives, the difficult part is that we usually leave the mask up for so long that when we let it down and show who we are, people feel we aren't being ourselves when in reality, we were just hiding who we were to begin with.
Save the masks for Halloween or the occasional costume party. Real life needs you for who you are. The people in your life need the real you too. If you're going to ever be happy, show your true self. The right person will take you at full value.
Sean
Ghostman wrote:
I have a problem. I meet women and find myself trying to be everything they've always wanted. The problem is that I try so hard, that when I run out of money (often..I'm in college), or when they find out who I really am, the relationship crashes and burns. I know this is the problem, so I guess I am not writing about that, but what is your take on people who are always the great pretenders? Maybe some reality will do me some good.
Ghostman
GM-
I remember being a child and loving to hide behind the magic and the fantasy of a mask or costume. I could be Superman in a second, Beetlejuice, Yoda, Lion-O, or anyone else I thought up. I'll bet you even have a few favorite costumes from years gone by that you played with long after Halloween.
As we grow up, we all develop masks of our own. Some put on a mask to hide their insecurities, some to hide their pain or fear, and others put on a mask to feel like a superhero in a time when they aren't even strong enough to handle their own life.
It's not the wearing the mask that is the difficult part. I would have stayed in my Yoda outfit until I turned 6 if my mom would have let me. When we wear the masks in our lives, the difficult part is that we usually leave the mask up for so long that when we let it down and show who we are, people feel we aren't being ourselves when in reality, we were just hiding who we were to begin with.
Save the masks for Halloween or the occasional costume party. Real life needs you for who you are. The people in your life need the real you too. If you're going to ever be happy, show your true self. The right person will take you at full value.
Sean
20091008
Stages
What a coincidence. I talked about rain yesterday and this morning heard an awesome song called "The Rain" that pretty much emphasizes all of the points of my post.
Vedera is the band's name and "Stages" is the Album. It's a female fronted band from Kansas City, Missouri.
Kristen, the lead singer's voice is a cross of Susana Hoffs, Jewel (without the crappy yodels), and Natalie Imbruglia. The music is just straightforward rock, the lyrics are honest and though out, and the entire album is filled with memorable songs.
Check them out.
Vedera is the band's name and "Stages" is the Album. It's a female fronted band from Kansas City, Missouri.
Kristen, the lead singer's voice is a cross of Susana Hoffs, Jewel (without the crappy yodels), and Natalie Imbruglia. The music is just straightforward rock, the lyrics are honest and though out, and the entire album is filled with memorable songs.
Check them out.
20091007
Rain
I've been hearing so many people complain about the rain we've had lately, and I can't help but to smile and shake my head in disbelief.
There's nothing bad about the rain. Sure, it's cloudy, wet, cooler, and a bit depressing, but doesn't that make the sunny days all that much more beautiful? The rain also washes away the dirt and dry/dusty feel to everything. Did you notice how vibrant the colors were here in MN on your way to work this morning? It's beautiful out there today.
The same can be said for life.
It was Henry Wadsworth Longfellow who said, "Into each life some rain must fall, Some days must be dark and dreary." He was right. If life was good and happy all of the time, we wouldn't notice the special things going on around us. A little rain in our lives washes us clean of our dirt and allows us the opportunity to see things in a different light. We realize the special people around us, we take stock of the good things we have, and we notice the beauty of the finer details.
The next time it rains, don't complain about it. Just start a countdown to the next sunny day. There is always a sunny day up ahead.
Sean
There's nothing bad about the rain. Sure, it's cloudy, wet, cooler, and a bit depressing, but doesn't that make the sunny days all that much more beautiful? The rain also washes away the dirt and dry/dusty feel to everything. Did you notice how vibrant the colors were here in MN on your way to work this morning? It's beautiful out there today.
The same can be said for life.
It was Henry Wadsworth Longfellow who said, "Into each life some rain must fall, Some days must be dark and dreary." He was right. If life was good and happy all of the time, we wouldn't notice the special things going on around us. A little rain in our lives washes us clean of our dirt and allows us the opportunity to see things in a different light. We realize the special people around us, we take stock of the good things we have, and we notice the beauty of the finer details.
The next time it rains, don't complain about it. Just start a countdown to the next sunny day. There is always a sunny day up ahead.
Sean
20091006
Dear radio
Dear Radio,
When are you going to finally learn that overplaying music is what is driving people away from you in droves? We don't really need to hear the same Jack Johnson/Taylor Swift/Slipknot song four times in an hour, and if your company owns more than one radio station, I definitely don't want it to play on the other stations after I turn the channel because I am sick of listening to your crappy DJ's try to be funny. I don't care about their wine and cheese favorites either.
Radio, what happened to the days when Dj's had personality and could just be there to make you listen to the music? Yeah, most of the DJ's of that time were stoned out of their gourd and taking bribes to play music, but YOU try sitting alone in a 9x9 room for five hours and see what happens.
Can you also explain what happened to live interviews? You have really taken "phoning it in" to a new level. Thanks to streaming, we can hear T-Pain give the exact same interview in several different cities to different Dj's..word for word. A scripted satellite recording or phone call isn't an interview. It's a commercial. We're smarter than that. Thanks to MTV, we know what commercials are.
We understand that you really like Fergie and Lady Gaga and that they probably had sex with some of you so people would make them famous. High five. We also understand that Nickelback had talent some time ago but it disappeared with Chad Kroger's hair. It's even okay that you think people still want to hear new music from Rob Thomas, even though Rob Thomas's music career is just a feminine version of his Matchbox 20 days. And to top it off, we even allowed you to force feed us Kenny Chesney. It's cool that the Keebler Elves want to do things other than make cookies, it really is. However, enough is enough.
Radio, what made you think it was okay for you decide what music is ours to like? Isn't that for us to decide? We'd even be okay with your DJ's picking music as long as it meant Top-40 stations didn't pump the new Britney Spears track every hour on the hour. When did "variety" come to mean "we play the same music every hour, just not in the same order"? We're taking your stations out of our cars Radio. In their place, we're programming our playlists for MP3 players and Ipods.
We're just looking for some answers here Radio..we're not pointing fingers at your nauseating morning shows or your idiotic program directors, we're just trying to make sense of what you've become so we can say goodbye and move on. We need closure here Radio.
Don't call us, don't write us, don't show up at our bar while we're out with a new friend. Maybe someday we'll run into you at the grocery store or the doctor's office Radio, and we'll see that you've changed, and we'll know that everything will be okay for you. Until then, we'll just say, "It was fun.."
"..until the 90's."
Sincerely,
Humans
When are you going to finally learn that overplaying music is what is driving people away from you in droves? We don't really need to hear the same Jack Johnson/Taylor Swift/Slipknot song four times in an hour, and if your company owns more than one radio station, I definitely don't want it to play on the other stations after I turn the channel because I am sick of listening to your crappy DJ's try to be funny. I don't care about their wine and cheese favorites either.
Radio, what happened to the days when Dj's had personality and could just be there to make you listen to the music? Yeah, most of the DJ's of that time were stoned out of their gourd and taking bribes to play music, but YOU try sitting alone in a 9x9 room for five hours and see what happens.
Can you also explain what happened to live interviews? You have really taken "phoning it in" to a new level. Thanks to streaming, we can hear T-Pain give the exact same interview in several different cities to different Dj's..word for word. A scripted satellite recording or phone call isn't an interview. It's a commercial. We're smarter than that. Thanks to MTV, we know what commercials are.
We understand that you really like Fergie and Lady Gaga and that they probably had sex with some of you so people would make them famous. High five. We also understand that Nickelback had talent some time ago but it disappeared with Chad Kroger's hair. It's even okay that you think people still want to hear new music from Rob Thomas, even though Rob Thomas's music career is just a feminine version of his Matchbox 20 days. And to top it off, we even allowed you to force feed us Kenny Chesney. It's cool that the Keebler Elves want to do things other than make cookies, it really is. However, enough is enough.
Radio, what made you think it was okay for you decide what music is ours to like? Isn't that for us to decide? We'd even be okay with your DJ's picking music as long as it meant Top-40 stations didn't pump the new Britney Spears track every hour on the hour. When did "variety" come to mean "we play the same music every hour, just not in the same order"? We're taking your stations out of our cars Radio. In their place, we're programming our playlists for MP3 players and Ipods.
We're just looking for some answers here Radio..we're not pointing fingers at your nauseating morning shows or your idiotic program directors, we're just trying to make sense of what you've become so we can say goodbye and move on. We need closure here Radio.
Don't call us, don't write us, don't show up at our bar while we're out with a new friend. Maybe someday we'll run into you at the grocery store or the doctor's office Radio, and we'll see that you've changed, and we'll know that everything will be okay for you. Until then, we'll just say, "It was fun.."
"..until the 90's."
Sincerely,
Humans
Words that could be cooler..
So I get bored from time to time after Olivia goes to bed, and since I can't leave the house, I dink around on the internet. I was on Dictionary.com today reading random words (I am in full loser mode today), and I thought it'd be cool to post words that could be used in a much cooler, more interesting fashion.
Put your nerd hat on..you might learn something.
Here we go:
Jactitation
Definition: A restless tossing of the body in illness
Could be: An act you'd see in a porn movie.
Could be used like: And see? There's the jactitation move...
Hebetude
Definition: Dullness, lethargy.
Could be: A slang-like phrase meaning "Guys on the same wavelength."
Could be used like: "I am picking up some hebetude. Sure, I'll be your wingman.."
Tittynope
Definition: A small quantity of anything left over.
Could be: A man-phrase code meaning "no strip club tonight."
Could be used like: "We're just going for beer. Tittynope."
Lavolta
Definition: A lively bouncy dance for two persons
Could be: A phrase meaning "as John Travolta would do"
Could be used like: "So I totally busted a move on the dance floor Lavolta."
Depone
Definition: To testify under oath
Could be: To un-"pwn" someone in a video game.
Could be used like: "He came around the corner and pwned me, then I regenerated and deponed him. I am never getting laid, am I?"
Ort
Definition: A small morsel left after a meal.
Could be: An oral fart. A stinky burp.
Could be used like: "Back up dude. Just had bleu cheese-I have an ort coming up."
Logorrhea
Definition: To talk excessively.
Could be: Someone who wears too many brand names at once, thereby appearing to be
spewing brand names.
Could be used like: Did you see that girl? I counted 10 logos. Total logorrhea.
Pogonotrophy
Definition: Beard-growing
Could be: Pogostick porn.
Could be used like: "..and then my mom walks in and catches me totally watching pogonotrophy. I was morti-FIED."
Vamphorn
Definition: A megaphone used in churches of the 18th and 19th century.
Could be: Anyone that finds the cast of Twilight (ugh) sexy.
Could be used: "..so then she was all like "Robert Pattinson is SOOO hot." She's a raging vamphorn."
Manifer
Definition: A gauntlet for protecting the hands holding the reins of a horse.
Could be: A name-like term for a manly looking woman.
Could be used; "..well I tapped her on the shoulder, but when she turned around she was a Manifer."
Put your nerd hat on..you might learn something.
Here we go:
Jactitation
Definition: A restless tossing of the body in illness
Could be: An act you'd see in a porn movie.
Could be used like: And see? There's the jactitation move...
Hebetude
Definition: Dullness, lethargy.
Could be: A slang-like phrase meaning "Guys on the same wavelength."
Could be used like: "I am picking up some hebetude. Sure, I'll be your wingman.."
Tittynope
Definition: A small quantity of anything left over.
Could be: A man-phrase code meaning "no strip club tonight."
Could be used like: "We're just going for beer. Tittynope."
Lavolta
Definition: A lively bouncy dance for two persons
Could be: A phrase meaning "as John Travolta would do"
Could be used like: "So I totally busted a move on the dance floor Lavolta."
Depone
Definition: To testify under oath
Could be: To un-"pwn" someone in a video game.
Could be used like: "He came around the corner and pwned me, then I regenerated and deponed him. I am never getting laid, am I?"
Ort
Definition: A small morsel left after a meal.
Could be: An oral fart. A stinky burp.
Could be used like: "Back up dude. Just had bleu cheese-I have an ort coming up."
Logorrhea
Definition: To talk excessively.
Could be: Someone who wears too many brand names at once, thereby appearing to be
spewing brand names.
Could be used like: Did you see that girl? I counted 10 logos. Total logorrhea.
Pogonotrophy
Definition: Beard-growing
Could be: Pogostick porn.
Could be used like: "..and then my mom walks in and catches me totally watching pogonotrophy. I was morti-FIED."
Vamphorn
Definition: A megaphone used in churches of the 18th and 19th century.
Could be: Anyone that finds the cast of Twilight (ugh) sexy.
Could be used: "..so then she was all like "Robert Pattinson is SOOO hot." She's a raging vamphorn."
Manifer
Definition: A gauntlet for protecting the hands holding the reins of a horse.
Could be: A name-like term for a manly looking woman.
Could be used; "..well I tapped her on the shoulder, but when she turned around she was a Manifer."
20091005
Honesty
Helen wrote:
Sean
I think my friend is cheating on me. I should add, I think she is cheating on me with my fiancee. Let me explain:
My best friend and I have been friends for 13 years and have been through thick and thin. She is single and quite attractive. She and I even had a falling out just after meeting each other because she'd made a move on my boyfriend at the time. She apologized and chalked it up to being drunk and I forgave her. We've been fine ever since..until now.
My fiancee moved in after we got engaged two years ago. We had a child a year later, and instantly his sex drive was gone. We started fighting more and more and he started doing more yard work and "running errands". He'd come back with all sorts of stuff we didn't need and couldn't afford, just to say that is what he went out for. If I get upset at what he brings home, we argue. When he does yardwork, I often see him talking to my neighbor, laughing, touching her arm, and just behavior that makes me uncomfortable. It's been 8 months and still no sex.
Now that you have a little more info, here's the real issue. The other day, he said he was "running errands" and I decided to confront my friend about her behavior while he was gone. I walked over there and she wasn't home, even though I'd just seen her talking to my fiancee a minute or two before that. I decided to wait by our shared garage area and saw the both of them come back TWO HOURS later. Laughing and smiling, until they saw me. I exploded and let them have a piece of my mind, accused them of being unfaithful, called my friend a whore, and told my fiancee to pack his things. He started crying, said there was nothing to worry about and that they were just friends. When I asked him where he had been going, he said they'd been going to movies to get away from stress.
I don't buy it. I don't know what to do. Can you offer any sort of advice as to what to do?
Helen
Woah..
This is a tough one. You are engaged and have a child, think your friend and fiancee are cheating on you, and are unable to figure out what steps to take. That's a big lunch.
I think you are right in assuming that there is something fishy going on with your fiancee and friend, but is it cheating? Not necessarily. Unfortunately, our Jerry Springer-raised minds are going to lead us to think the worst in a situation like this, and when faced with that situation we'll explode as you did.
Your fiancee and friend were wrong in not telling you that they had been "going to movies". Sneaking around behind a friend's or fiancee's back is disrespectful. Maybe he'd been buying things and bringing them home because he was shopping with her too. What sort of things were they?
Mainly because you don't have more solid proof of infidelity, I don't think ending your relationship or friendship is a smart decision at this point. I would definitely have a talk with both of them and explain your feelings and state that you feel that this issue cannot continue. If they disagree, or keep up the sneaking around, getting out is definitely the best situation for you and your child.
If you have any more info or need more from me, drop me another email.
Sean
Sean
I think my friend is cheating on me. I should add, I think she is cheating on me with my fiancee. Let me explain:
My best friend and I have been friends for 13 years and have been through thick and thin. She is single and quite attractive. She and I even had a falling out just after meeting each other because she'd made a move on my boyfriend at the time. She apologized and chalked it up to being drunk and I forgave her. We've been fine ever since..until now.
My fiancee moved in after we got engaged two years ago. We had a child a year later, and instantly his sex drive was gone. We started fighting more and more and he started doing more yard work and "running errands". He'd come back with all sorts of stuff we didn't need and couldn't afford, just to say that is what he went out for. If I get upset at what he brings home, we argue. When he does yardwork, I often see him talking to my neighbor, laughing, touching her arm, and just behavior that makes me uncomfortable. It's been 8 months and still no sex.
Now that you have a little more info, here's the real issue. The other day, he said he was "running errands" and I decided to confront my friend about her behavior while he was gone. I walked over there and she wasn't home, even though I'd just seen her talking to my fiancee a minute or two before that. I decided to wait by our shared garage area and saw the both of them come back TWO HOURS later. Laughing and smiling, until they saw me. I exploded and let them have a piece of my mind, accused them of being unfaithful, called my friend a whore, and told my fiancee to pack his things. He started crying, said there was nothing to worry about and that they were just friends. When I asked him where he had been going, he said they'd been going to movies to get away from stress.
I don't buy it. I don't know what to do. Can you offer any sort of advice as to what to do?
Helen
Woah..
This is a tough one. You are engaged and have a child, think your friend and fiancee are cheating on you, and are unable to figure out what steps to take. That's a big lunch.
I think you are right in assuming that there is something fishy going on with your fiancee and friend, but is it cheating? Not necessarily. Unfortunately, our Jerry Springer-raised minds are going to lead us to think the worst in a situation like this, and when faced with that situation we'll explode as you did.
Your fiancee and friend were wrong in not telling you that they had been "going to movies". Sneaking around behind a friend's or fiancee's back is disrespectful. Maybe he'd been buying things and bringing them home because he was shopping with her too. What sort of things were they?
Mainly because you don't have more solid proof of infidelity, I don't think ending your relationship or friendship is a smart decision at this point. I would definitely have a talk with both of them and explain your feelings and state that you feel that this issue cannot continue. If they disagree, or keep up the sneaking around, getting out is definitely the best situation for you and your child.
If you have any more info or need more from me, drop me another email.
Sean
20091002
Carrie's letter.
Sean
I need some advice. I am addicted to the "honeymoon" part of a relationship. I love the first three to six months, but after times goes on, we usually let our true selves show and I find myself looking for a way out.
That is, until I met the guy I am currently getting to know. We have been on four dates, no sex (close though..), and I am feeling like I can be myself for the first time. It scares me though to know that we skipped the giddy honeymoon part and are just real. I find myself thinking about him all of the time. He knows me better than most people I've dated for months.
I don't feel the need to run, but I don't know what to do here. This is new ground and I am scared that if I develop feelings for him, I'll get hurt eventually.
Carrie
Karma's a bitch Carrie. I know you feel fear for getting hurt because of things you've done in past relationships, but it doesn't mean it will happen to you. This guy seems like a good guy, from what you said. It's good to find people that can see through the curtain of BS that many of us often put up to hide our imperfections. Being "real", as you put it, can be a scary experience because it leaves open and vulnerable to emotional pain, should it happen..but if we went through our lives afraid of everything that would hurt us, we'd never get out of bed.
Enjoy getting to know someone that can be open and honest with who they are around you.
I hope someday you can wake up with your head on his chest as he draws lines across your back with his fingertips. The sun will be squeezing itself past the curtains, he will sigh and kiss your head, and you will know that there is no plan for the day, but you want him to be a part of it.
That's real..and wonderful.
Sean
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I need some advice. I am addicted to the "honeymoon" part of a relationship. I love the first three to six months, but after times goes on, we usually let our true selves show and I find myself looking for a way out.
That is, until I met the guy I am currently getting to know. We have been on four dates, no sex (close though..), and I am feeling like I can be myself for the first time. It scares me though to know that we skipped the giddy honeymoon part and are just real. I find myself thinking about him all of the time. He knows me better than most people I've dated for months.
I don't feel the need to run, but I don't know what to do here. This is new ground and I am scared that if I develop feelings for him, I'll get hurt eventually.
Carrie
Karma's a bitch Carrie. I know you feel fear for getting hurt because of things you've done in past relationships, but it doesn't mean it will happen to you. This guy seems like a good guy, from what you said. It's good to find people that can see through the curtain of BS that many of us often put up to hide our imperfections. Being "real", as you put it, can be a scary experience because it leaves open and vulnerable to emotional pain, should it happen..but if we went through our lives afraid of everything that would hurt us, we'd never get out of bed.
Enjoy getting to know someone that can be open and honest with who they are around you.
I hope someday you can wake up with your head on his chest as he draws lines across your back with his fingertips. The sun will be squeezing itself past the curtains, he will sigh and kiss your head, and you will know that there is no plan for the day, but you want him to be a part of it.
That's real..and wonderful.
Sean
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
PJ's letter
Pj wrote:
How is your fitness quest coming? You inspired me to think about my longterm health too, and as a result I am working out regularly and eating healthier. I wanted to thank you for that and also ask a question: I am noticing that I am getting bulkier muscle definition rather than slimming down. I lift three days a week, run one of those, and watch what I eat. I don't want to look like one of those musclebound trainer idiots..what do I do?
PJ
Well PJ, let me first say great job on the health commitment. I am guessing if you are eating well, your issue may be the lifting and not enough cardio. You should be spending 1/4 to 1/3 of your workout time doing cardio. That means if your workout is 1 hour, 15 to 20 minutes should be cardio. It may sound like a tough undertaking, but if you break up the time, it will be easier to tackle. The lifting may also be an issue if you are lifting heavier weight with less repetition. Shoot for a lifting weight that will allow you to do 3 sets of 16 with everything you do. After one month, add 5 Lbs. You should see the result you are looking for.
Sean
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
How is your fitness quest coming? You inspired me to think about my longterm health too, and as a result I am working out regularly and eating healthier. I wanted to thank you for that and also ask a question: I am noticing that I am getting bulkier muscle definition rather than slimming down. I lift three days a week, run one of those, and watch what I eat. I don't want to look like one of those musclebound trainer idiots..what do I do?
PJ
Well PJ, let me first say great job on the health commitment. I am guessing if you are eating well, your issue may be the lifting and not enough cardio. You should be spending 1/4 to 1/3 of your workout time doing cardio. That means if your workout is 1 hour, 15 to 20 minutes should be cardio. It may sound like a tough undertaking, but if you break up the time, it will be easier to tackle. The lifting may also be an issue if you are lifting heavier weight with less repetition. Shoot for a lifting weight that will allow you to do 3 sets of 16 with everything you do. After one month, add 5 Lbs. You should see the result you are looking for.
Sean
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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