Terrible lie..

BPC184 Wrote:

I think I am dating a pathological liar. She was in an abusive relationship just before we got together, and I think it had some sort of effect on her, otherwise she's been lying for much longer than I can imagine.

Here's the deal: We're only seeing each other and she swears she isn't seeing anyone, but she keeps making excuses as to why she is busy at times and when I've called her out on those excuses, she gets defensive and calls me insecure. For example..we had plans to go see a movie last Friday and she bailed out by saying her cousin had just filed for divorce from his wife and she needed to talk with him. I thought that was a pretty good reason, so I went out anyway. I swung by her place after the movie and as I was driving to her place, she passed me in a car with a guy who wasn't her cousin. I pulled over and watched in horror as he dropped her off and drove away. She called about 20 minutes later and said she'd literally just walked in the door, which I knew was a lie, and that she was tired. I let it go.

We then rescheduled our movie date and had some other plans which she also cancelled, saying she didn't feel well and would be staying home. I thought I'd be romantic and take over some chicken noodle soup with a little bow on it, but when I showed up, she wasn't home. I called her and asked if she was home, but got voicemail, so I sent a text asking the same thing. She replied, saying she was home in bed. I had knocked and rung the doorbell, so I knew she wasn't there. I waited in my car (yeah, it was just down the street..but I was pissed) and a short while later, she showed up with the same guy again. I was furious. I'd also caught her lying about basic things when she'd said one thing earlier and then said something different later. When I corrected her, she got all flustered and started making me think I was stupid for "not understanding what she meant".

She keeps denying she isn't seeing anyone else, but she can't seem to be open with me about things, especially with this mystery guy.

Help..

BPC184

It seems to me as if you have someone here that is having trouble dealing with reality. I recommend distancing yourself from her as much as possible. If she is doing this to you, she is doing it to other people and you don't want to be there when everyone finds out..which they always do.

She can't seem to tell you the truth about who she is with and what she is doing. If she doesn't want to see you, she should just tell you. If she wants to see other people, she should be honest about it. The fact that she may be doing either of these (and it looks like she is), says she is lacking some control in her life and feels that by having the upper hand in these situations, she can have some sort of balance. By calling her out on her lies, you are tossing her into an unstable place and she is trying to confuse you to regain the upper hand.

This is bad news, but you stalking her isn't a good idea either. You caught her, so to speak, the first time. You should have called her out on it and let it go then, but you stuck around and "waited down the block" to catch her again and still haven't ended things. You should be long gone by now, but your sticking around tells me that you are either into her way more than you should be at this point, or you've got some issues too. Just let her go and find someone who can be honest with you. Things with her will right themselves without you and she'll eventually see what she's been doing to all of the other people she may have around.

Sean