So I got a call last night from a woman I'd dated about 10 years ago. It was a really good phone call.
She and I met when I first moved to Minnesota. I helped her get out of an abusive relationship and we started dating shortly thereafter. We didn't work out for many reasons, but I blame myself mainly. I wasn't emotionally available because I didn't know where I'd end up after school. She is married to a great guy now (I know him), and has a great career.
Anyway, she and I talked about some of the questions I'd asked former girlfriends. She said I'd done a really good thing for her by getting her out of her abusive relationship and showing her that there are good people in the world. I helped get her on the right track. She also said that I was everything that her ex at that time wasn't, which helped her realize that she didn't have to be trapped in the relationship she was in.
She stated that I wasn't undateable and that she always hoped I'd find happiness. I filled her in on the current state of things, and we chatted more. I've changed so much since then, but she did her best to give me honest answers based upon the person I used to be. It was refreshing to hear, and it gave me hope for whatever lies ahead.
Sometimes the path we walk has to be walked alone. Decisions can't be made without clarity and when someone is standing in your way, you won't see clearly. It's not always easy, and I haven't always done a good of keeping that in mind. The phone call was more than helpful.
I know you're reading this. Thank you.
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Pics part 1
Des Moines Iowa at 70mph.
I took this picture after dinner the second night.
The salad had a raspberry vinaigrette, asparagus, and mandarin oranges on it. Wow.
My amazing pasta. The restaurant lighting was set somewhere between "mood lighting" and "blackout".
This tiny little Iowa town is the birthplace of John Wayne.
Ozone. Well, a napkin from Ozone.
Kris and Amy
We were outside on the porch. In March. Not freezing. Beautiful outer patio with removable windows.
Wash that down with a 10 inch spicy bloody mary. It practically had a salad on top of it (which I ate first).
Sushi. Caterpillar, Bama, and California roll. Delicious.
Nicole and Kris
Nicole and Amy, complete with inappropriate touching.
Ozone's crowd. It got even more packed once they started playing.
I am back!
So the trip was awesome. I really like Omaha and I had a great time visiting Kris and his wife Amy. Thanks again guys.
Day1
As I pulled in from Council Bluffs, I noticed Omaha looks like what I imagine the 80's to look like, which may explain the abundance of 80s radio stations. It's older buildings and industry all the way in. Kris's neighborhood and a few of the others we saw had a modern feel to them though.
We hung out at his place for a bit, then went to Lo Sole Mio, an amazing italian restaurant with all homemade pastas. I can't even begin to describe how wonderful the food was. The salad was also incredible. Who would expect such flavor in Nebraska?
Went to the Barley Street Tavern, listened to live music, and had some drinks. I had a great local beer and some scotch. Kris and Amy's friend Juan was the doorman for the evening, and Jessica the bartender was nice. After that, we went to a college bar called Beer and Loathing in Dundee..it wasn't as cool as Barley's, but our drinks were free..we think..since the bartender just walked away and didn't come back. The college area looks amazing though. The Dundee area reminds me of Grand Ave in Saint Paul with really cool houses and shops.
Day 2
After a day of relaxing and playing Xbox (what's a vacation without Xbox?), Kris, Amy and I went to eat on the opposite side of Omaha. Kona grill was the name of the place and it was awesome. They have really good sushi and a killer drink menu. My bloody mary must have been at least ten inches tall. Beside us, there was a woman that had some volume issues with talking to people at her own table, but her shrieking laugh couldn't take away from the experience. That whole area is impressive. We then drove across Omaha again and hit a bar called Ozone, to listen to a local (POPULAR) cover band do about 4 hours of music. I consumed about 8 glasses of scotch and by the end of the night, I was singing along with everyone else. Amy's friend Nicole joined us after a bit and Juan came out too. It was a fun night.
Day 3
The weather was nice. 38 and partly sunny first day, 49 and sunny the 2nd day, and about 37 on the third.
On the way back, I stopped and saw my grandpa in hospice. He looked totally different from a few weeks ago when I last saw him. It was good to see him though.
Here are some little side points:
On the way down, I saw a van with "Iowa Blind School" on the side. Iowa will give anyone a license, wont they? I was jokingly imagining a blind driver getting pulled over by the police and when he is asked for his license, he holds up any card he can grab from his wallet and asks, "Is this it? How about this one?"
The radio stations were cool, but I heard Cities 97's Brian Oake on a radio station in Ames. He's satelliting in his shift. Good music though.
Rolling Stones, Stevie Wonder, and Sarah McLachlan were the soundtrack of the trip. They were on pretty much every radio station I turned to. Weird. For some other odd reason, radio stations in IA played the hell out of Motley Crue's "Kickstart My Heart". I must have heard that song 10 times going down and back.
Little known fact, Omaha is taken from the native american word meaning "land of
one skyscraper"
Pics in the next post! I forgot a real camera and was stuck using the Blackberry camera, so forgive me.
Day1
As I pulled in from Council Bluffs, I noticed Omaha looks like what I imagine the 80's to look like, which may explain the abundance of 80s radio stations. It's older buildings and industry all the way in. Kris's neighborhood and a few of the others we saw had a modern feel to them though.
We hung out at his place for a bit, then went to Lo Sole Mio, an amazing italian restaurant with all homemade pastas. I can't even begin to describe how wonderful the food was. The salad was also incredible. Who would expect such flavor in Nebraska?
Went to the Barley Street Tavern, listened to live music, and had some drinks. I had a great local beer and some scotch. Kris and Amy's friend Juan was the doorman for the evening, and Jessica the bartender was nice. After that, we went to a college bar called Beer and Loathing in Dundee..it wasn't as cool as Barley's, but our drinks were free..we think..since the bartender just walked away and didn't come back. The college area looks amazing though. The Dundee area reminds me of Grand Ave in Saint Paul with really cool houses and shops.
Day 2
After a day of relaxing and playing Xbox (what's a vacation without Xbox?), Kris, Amy and I went to eat on the opposite side of Omaha. Kona grill was the name of the place and it was awesome. They have really good sushi and a killer drink menu. My bloody mary must have been at least ten inches tall. Beside us, there was a woman that had some volume issues with talking to people at her own table, but her shrieking laugh couldn't take away from the experience. That whole area is impressive. We then drove across Omaha again and hit a bar called Ozone, to listen to a local (POPULAR) cover band do about 4 hours of music. I consumed about 8 glasses of scotch and by the end of the night, I was singing along with everyone else. Amy's friend Nicole joined us after a bit and Juan came out too. It was a fun night.
Day 3
The weather was nice. 38 and partly sunny first day, 49 and sunny the 2nd day, and about 37 on the third.
On the way back, I stopped and saw my grandpa in hospice. He looked totally different from a few weeks ago when I last saw him. It was good to see him though.
Here are some little side points:
On the way down, I saw a van with "Iowa Blind School" on the side. Iowa will give anyone a license, wont they? I was jokingly imagining a blind driver getting pulled over by the police and when he is asked for his license, he holds up any card he can grab from his wallet and asks, "Is this it? How about this one?"
The radio stations were cool, but I heard Cities 97's Brian Oake on a radio station in Ames. He's satelliting in his shift. Good music though.
Rolling Stones, Stevie Wonder, and Sarah McLachlan were the soundtrack of the trip. They were on pretty much every radio station I turned to. Weird. For some other odd reason, radio stations in IA played the hell out of Motley Crue's "Kickstart My Heart". I must have heard that song 10 times going down and back.
Little known fact, Omaha is taken from the native american word meaning "land of
one skyscraper"
Pics in the next post! I forgot a real camera and was stuck using the Blackberry camera, so forgive me.
Lies from Tennessee.
Crystal in Tennessee wrote:
I have a problem that seems to get in the way of my everyday life. I tell lots of little lies. I always think it's for the best, but people eventually find out the truth and it comes back to haunt me! Sometimes I even lie to myself, even though I know I may be doing the wrong thing, I lie and say it is for the best. I don't know why I do this, but I assume that it is because I don't like stress or it may be because I put SO much stock into what people think of me. I don't know why, but I've always been that way. The lying has cost me a relationship with a great guy (he busted me on several lies)and it has begun to upset a few friends. It has become habit, and it's really hard to give up.. What do I do?
Crystal
Theresa:
Plain and simple, don't lie. Why people lie is a mystery to me. You
should examine why you feel the need to lie and then eliminate it.
Trust is a big issue in a relationship, and once it has been broken by
lying, it is really hard to rebuild. Your lies will dig you deeper
and deeper, especially when you lie to yourself.
Sean:
I agree with Theresa. I know a few people who lie to avoid drama and it always comes back on them. Sometimes, it is to make themselves look good, sometimes to avoid drama, and other times it is a lie to cover another lie. The point is, when you lie, you lie to yourself. You lose a piece of who you are and cover it up with this lie. It all keeps adding up until you aren't yourself anymore, you are just a manifestation of these lies. The best thing you can do in life is be honest and be yourself. If you take that away, you won't be happy in any relationship you make. I lost someone once that couldn't be honest about how she and I met. She lied to avoid drama, she lied to maintain a certain image, and she lied to herself. She lied because it was easier than dealing with reality. I never doubted her love for me, so I remained honest with myself and with her. By the end of our relationship, she'd actually convinced herself she didn't deserve a normal and healthy relationship. It was heartbreaking. Find a way to be honest with yourself and those around you. You deserve honesty and so do they.
I have a problem that seems to get in the way of my everyday life. I tell lots of little lies. I always think it's for the best, but people eventually find out the truth and it comes back to haunt me! Sometimes I even lie to myself, even though I know I may be doing the wrong thing, I lie and say it is for the best. I don't know why I do this, but I assume that it is because I don't like stress or it may be because I put SO much stock into what people think of me. I don't know why, but I've always been that way. The lying has cost me a relationship with a great guy (he busted me on several lies)and it has begun to upset a few friends. It has become habit, and it's really hard to give up.. What do I do?
Crystal
Theresa:
Plain and simple, don't lie. Why people lie is a mystery to me. You
should examine why you feel the need to lie and then eliminate it.
Trust is a big issue in a relationship, and once it has been broken by
lying, it is really hard to rebuild. Your lies will dig you deeper
and deeper, especially when you lie to yourself.
Sean:
I agree with Theresa. I know a few people who lie to avoid drama and it always comes back on them. Sometimes, it is to make themselves look good, sometimes to avoid drama, and other times it is a lie to cover another lie. The point is, when you lie, you lie to yourself. You lose a piece of who you are and cover it up with this lie. It all keeps adding up until you aren't yourself anymore, you are just a manifestation of these lies. The best thing you can do in life is be honest and be yourself. If you take that away, you won't be happy in any relationship you make. I lost someone once that couldn't be honest about how she and I met. She lied to avoid drama, she lied to maintain a certain image, and she lied to herself. She lied because it was easier than dealing with reality. I never doubted her love for me, so I remained honest with myself and with her. By the end of our relationship, she'd actually convinced herself she didn't deserve a normal and healthy relationship. It was heartbreaking. Find a way to be honest with yourself and those around you. You deserve honesty and so do they.
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Last post before I leave.
Good News! Theresa has decided to be a co-contributor. If I get an email looking for advice, we'll share our opinions with each other, then I'll post our responses. This is a cool new change and will add a "womens' perspective" to the advice given.
Speaking of which, here's the first co-contributed letter!
Charisse from Iowa writes:
I need some advice. I am a young mother and wife who is having marital problems. A year ago, my husband and I and daughter were doing well, but about 6 months ago, he lost his job. We have both been working two jobs to make up the difference in the paychecks, but my problem is that my husband seems so self-obsessed lately. He isn't romantic anymore, he doesn't compliment me like he used to, he gets mad so easily, and always wants to hang out with his guy friends without including me. He swears he isn't cheating, but I think all signs point the other way. Help!
Theresa said:
To me, financial burdens are HUGE downers in a relationship. Nothing tears down happiness and trust faster. I don't think he's cheating, I think he feels like he is letting you down. You said your life was great before he lost his job, but has gotten worse since you've both started working more, which makes me think that he is depressed because you're both having to work more. The loss of romance, the lack of compliments, and the anger could all be side effects of the depression. The not including you in things could be from constant arguements about money and the state of things, or it could just be because he feels like he hasn't let his friends down and that he can talk with them about how to fix things. My advice to you is to seek counseling. Couples counseling to be exact. This seems like something you can work through.
I said:
I agree with Theresa except on the not including you part. I can't agree with her view there because I think that, depending on his friends, they may be hearing only his side of the story, or they may be trying to pull him away from you. During any conflict, the friends only hear one side, which may lead them to make judgements they normally wouldn't, had they heard both sides. He may be depressed and frustrated, but if all he does is tell them how awful things are and how you two fight, his friends may be advising him to split up. I would advise to not only seek counseling, but also have a discussion about what he does when he goes out, what he talks about, and what you think he should also share with them. I don't think he's cheating. Guys are simple creatures and women sometimes forget that. If he's cheating, there should be SO many more signs (like late nights at the last minute, not answering phone calls, "forgetting" to call you when he says he will, calling from echoey places like bathrooms, being protective of his phone, or not wanting to go places he may have been with other people for fear of getting caught). I am assuming since none of these were mentioned, that he isn't doing them. If he is, then it's best you call him out on it.
In either case, we wish you luck with this. If you need any more advice, you know where to find us.
Speaking of which, here's the first co-contributed letter!
Charisse from Iowa writes:
I need some advice. I am a young mother and wife who is having marital problems. A year ago, my husband and I and daughter were doing well, but about 6 months ago, he lost his job. We have both been working two jobs to make up the difference in the paychecks, but my problem is that my husband seems so self-obsessed lately. He isn't romantic anymore, he doesn't compliment me like he used to, he gets mad so easily, and always wants to hang out with his guy friends without including me. He swears he isn't cheating, but I think all signs point the other way. Help!
Theresa said:
To me, financial burdens are HUGE downers in a relationship. Nothing tears down happiness and trust faster. I don't think he's cheating, I think he feels like he is letting you down. You said your life was great before he lost his job, but has gotten worse since you've both started working more, which makes me think that he is depressed because you're both having to work more. The loss of romance, the lack of compliments, and the anger could all be side effects of the depression. The not including you in things could be from constant arguements about money and the state of things, or it could just be because he feels like he hasn't let his friends down and that he can talk with them about how to fix things. My advice to you is to seek counseling. Couples counseling to be exact. This seems like something you can work through.
I said:
I agree with Theresa except on the not including you part. I can't agree with her view there because I think that, depending on his friends, they may be hearing only his side of the story, or they may be trying to pull him away from you. During any conflict, the friends only hear one side, which may lead them to make judgements they normally wouldn't, had they heard both sides. He may be depressed and frustrated, but if all he does is tell them how awful things are and how you two fight, his friends may be advising him to split up. I would advise to not only seek counseling, but also have a discussion about what he does when he goes out, what he talks about, and what you think he should also share with them. I don't think he's cheating. Guys are simple creatures and women sometimes forget that. If he's cheating, there should be SO many more signs (like late nights at the last minute, not answering phone calls, "forgetting" to call you when he says he will, calling from echoey places like bathrooms, being protective of his phone, or not wanting to go places he may have been with other people for fear of getting caught). I am assuming since none of these were mentioned, that he isn't doing them. If he is, then it's best you call him out on it.
In either case, we wish you luck with this. If you need any more advice, you know where to find us.
One more day.
I am packed for Omaha. Still waiting to hear more on my grandpa. I'll be leaving Friday around noon. Pics up on Sunday.
I've been getting lots of letters STILL bashing Tracy's decisions and the fact that we broke up. I'd like to just put this out there and hopefully put an end to those types of letters.
I loved her. We can't be together. I respect her decisions and hope she realized what she lost...that's all I can do. I am not upset, nor do I feel any ill will toward her. I am not jumping on the bashing bandwagon and I am not going to be negative about this. Realize that life goes on, and by getting mad or jealous, or vindictive, I'd be just sinking to a lower level. I won't do that. I didn't change in our relationship or after it. I've always been the same person. To sink lower would be to let many many people, including her, down.
Let's drop it.
That said, my IPOD is filled, my suitcase is packed, and I am ready. I'll be checking email by phone and will post any blogs I get when I get back. Everyone have a great weekend.
I've been getting lots of letters STILL bashing Tracy's decisions and the fact that we broke up. I'd like to just put this out there and hopefully put an end to those types of letters.
I loved her. We can't be together. I respect her decisions and hope she realized what she lost...that's all I can do. I am not upset, nor do I feel any ill will toward her. I am not jumping on the bashing bandwagon and I am not going to be negative about this. Realize that life goes on, and by getting mad or jealous, or vindictive, I'd be just sinking to a lower level. I won't do that. I didn't change in our relationship or after it. I've always been the same person. To sink lower would be to let many many people, including her, down.
Let's drop it.
That said, my IPOD is filled, my suitcase is packed, and I am ready. I'll be checking email by phone and will post any blogs I get when I get back. Everyone have a great weekend.
20090325
Not a good month.
Two fillings today.
A breakup shatters my world.
Carjacking.
And today, my grandpa, who is already losing his battle with cancer, has a stroke. My parents are down there doing what they can. Keep him in your thought and prayers please.
A breakup shatters my world.
Carjacking.
And today, my grandpa, who is already losing his battle with cancer, has a stroke. My parents are down there doing what they can. Keep him in your thought and prayers please.
I don't know why, but rainy days make me feel cuddly.
Jean wrote in:
Sean,
You seem like such a great guy. I would hope that you are able to move on from your relationship. This ex of yours obviously doesn't know a good thing when she's got one. I know a TON of women that would die to have a guy like you. Let her suffer the consequences of her bad decision and don't even bat an eye when she comes crawling back.
(Seriously though, I have a few friends that think you seem like a great guy.)
Jean
Thanks Jean. I am not a cold person. I do think she made a bad decision, but it was hers to make and I'll never hold that against her.
We all make bad decisions in life. Whether that leads to a DWI, a broken heart, addiction, or a trip to the hospital, we all must learn from our mistakes and grow as individuals. A bad decision isn't the end of that path, it's just a new "fork in the road" and we must decide how to get back on the right path. Find yourself and deep down, you'll make the right decision.
I am off to work. Omaha in two days!
Jean wrote in:
Sean,
You seem like such a great guy. I would hope that you are able to move on from your relationship. This ex of yours obviously doesn't know a good thing when she's got one. I know a TON of women that would die to have a guy like you. Let her suffer the consequences of her bad decision and don't even bat an eye when she comes crawling back.
(Seriously though, I have a few friends that think you seem like a great guy.)
Jean
Thanks Jean. I am not a cold person. I do think she made a bad decision, but it was hers to make and I'll never hold that against her.
We all make bad decisions in life. Whether that leads to a DWI, a broken heart, addiction, or a trip to the hospital, we all must learn from our mistakes and grow as individuals. A bad decision isn't the end of that path, it's just a new "fork in the road" and we must decide how to get back on the right path. Find yourself and deep down, you'll make the right decision.
I am off to work. Omaha in two days!
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Dammit.
So the temperature control knob broke in my car and it only spits out cold air. That would be great....in June, but not now. I look like an idiot driving with a winter coat on. My headlight is also out (easy fix) and may have been for a bit now. The broken heater may come in handy if it's warm in Omaha, but I'll be bundled up on the way down. Good times. I am also bringing a camera and will post a ton of pics when I get back.
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Rainy Day
It's a rainy day and looks to be a rainy week. I am headed to Omaha this weekend, then back in time for my daughter's birthday. I think a vacation may do some good. I'll post this week until I leave on Friday.
One month since we began.
It's been one month and we've had 900 hits! Awesome.
I know there have been lots of changes in the last month, but thanks to everyone that has donated to the American Cancer Society. Keep the emails coming!
I know there have been lots of changes in the last month, but thanks to everyone that has donated to the American Cancer Society. Keep the emails coming!
20090322
So I went and saw "I Love You Man"
I went with Andy and it was a blast, but the one thing that the movie opened my eyes to, is that I am exactly like the main guy (Paul Rudd's character). I have a few close guy friends, but we either work opposite schedules or they live out of state, which means I have tons of free time. With Tracy, I'd ask her to spend time with me, but only if she was free. She saw this as pressure, taking time away from school, taking away time from her friends, etc, and didn't understand that I was merely trying to fit in where I could. She wanted to spend time with me, but at times, felt obligated, because I had nothing going on. The message I was trying to convey was simply that I was free to see her whenever she wanted.
I see now how too much free time can translate over to added pressure. I have had habits of letting friendships with guy friends fall by the wayside while in a relationship, but that shouldn't happen. To all of my guy friends, I apologize. I've probably missed out on some great moments. To all of my ex-girlfriends, I needed to realize that I should have done a better job of establishing your freedom and a lesser job of expressing my free time. I never meant to keep you from any of your friends.
Anyway, you should all go see that movie. It's a great comedy.
I see now how too much free time can translate over to added pressure. I have had habits of letting friendships with guy friends fall by the wayside while in a relationship, but that shouldn't happen. To all of my guy friends, I apologize. I've probably missed out on some great moments. To all of my ex-girlfriends, I needed to realize that I should have done a better job of establishing your freedom and a lesser job of expressing my free time. I never meant to keep you from any of your friends.
Anyway, you should all go see that movie. It's a great comedy.
A letter from Selena
Selena didn't give a location. She wrote:
My name is Selena and I am writing for a different reason. I have a wonderful fiancee and we've got a child together, but the problem is that I don't love him anymore. He and I were always good friends, but we don't work as a couple. He is a wonderful person, but I can't be with him anymore. I saw you and your daughter's mom went through this..can you give any advice?
Selena
Well Selena, my advice to you is to examine if staying together is good just for the child, or if everyone will benefit. Why do you feel you don't love him? If the baby is new, it can put pressure on the relationship because the focus is on the child. It is a tough, but rewarding burden to be a parent.
If the child is older and you feel you've explored all of your options (couples counseling included), then sit down and talk. See if he is feeling the same way. Talk about your differences and see what happens.
I went through this, I spent time alone, and time dating and ended up meeting Tracy. If you truly both feel that splitting is the only remaining option, it probably is the best option. Liz and I are still good friends, and we both realized that our best option was being friends. Good luck.
My name is Selena and I am writing for a different reason. I have a wonderful fiancee and we've got a child together, but the problem is that I don't love him anymore. He and I were always good friends, but we don't work as a couple. He is a wonderful person, but I can't be with him anymore. I saw you and your daughter's mom went through this..can you give any advice?
Selena
Well Selena, my advice to you is to examine if staying together is good just for the child, or if everyone will benefit. Why do you feel you don't love him? If the baby is new, it can put pressure on the relationship because the focus is on the child. It is a tough, but rewarding burden to be a parent.
If the child is older and you feel you've explored all of your options (couples counseling included), then sit down and talk. See if he is feeling the same way. Talk about your differences and see what happens.
I went through this, I spent time alone, and time dating and ended up meeting Tracy. If you truly both feel that splitting is the only remaining option, it probably is the best option. Liz and I are still good friends, and we both realized that our best option was being friends. Good luck.
Ginny writes in
Ginny wrote in from here in the Twin Cities. She said:
I agree with Theresa. In those long, on again off again relationships, when you cut ties, it has to be a permanent and definite thing. Things often turn co-dependent if you keep a door open. Respect is lost each time, self esteem issues play into it too, but you should always cut it clean and never look back. It will wreck
your life, trust me on that. I haven't been through the ex is back part, and I hope I never will. When I break up, its for good. Only two people have even remained my friends, the rest were erased. I don't talk to them, miss them, or think about them. The two that remained were mutual breakups and weren't bad during the relationship, we just didn't work out.
I hope "Al" takes Kim back. If I were dating guys like Chris or Al, I would fight to keep them in my life. Guys like that are few and far between. Good luck ladies, and I just want to say I love this site! The raw emotion displayed here is addictive. It is midterms and I can't stop checking in!
Ginny
Thanks Ginny. I hate to sound like a parent, but get some studying done. I don't want to be the reason someone's education tanked.
I agree with Theresa. In those long, on again off again relationships, when you cut ties, it has to be a permanent and definite thing. Things often turn co-dependent if you keep a door open. Respect is lost each time, self esteem issues play into it too, but you should always cut it clean and never look back. It will wreck
your life, trust me on that. I haven't been through the ex is back part, and I hope I never will. When I break up, its for good. Only two people have even remained my friends, the rest were erased. I don't talk to them, miss them, or think about them. The two that remained were mutual breakups and weren't bad during the relationship, we just didn't work out.
I hope "Al" takes Kim back. If I were dating guys like Chris or Al, I would fight to keep them in my life. Guys like that are few and far between. Good luck ladies, and I just want to say I love this site! The raw emotion displayed here is addictive. It is midterms and I can't stop checking in!
Ginny
Thanks Ginny. I hate to sound like a parent, but get some studying done. I don't want to be the reason someone's education tanked.
Final letter from Theresa
Theresa wrote in again and it seems as if she's gotten a ton of emails from people with similar situations. Here was her letter from Kim, another reader of my blog.
I know you had said you weren't posting anymore of my letters, but I wanted to email you once more for two reasons. The first reason is, I wanted to thank you for posting my first letter and for being willing to share my email. It has given me a chance to help people, which is nice. I see why you like your blog so much.
The second reason is to post the last letter from Kim as well as my response.
Kim emailed me and said:
I have told "Al" (not his real name), my most recent boyfriend to let me have some time to figure things out because the things you went through with your ex are almost
exactly like mine. Al was crushed and was willing to give me space, but he just couldn't do it. He would call or send emails, mostly sad ones about how he missed me, and they were too much to take. I finally told him I would not answer the phone or read his emails because I needed to think with a clear head. After reading your story though, I realize I made a mistake and that I NEED to end things with
my ex, but I don't know how. How do I do this and go back to Al? He was so hurt. It's been so long that I actually feel like I don't know him anymore, but I
want so badly to see him. I want to tell him I love him. Help!
Here was my response:
Getting rid of an ex that you have a long past with can be really hard,
especially if it was like mine. Therapy helps. In the end, I wrote my ex a
"goodbye and don't contact me letter", then changed my phone number and email. He knew my family, so I asked them to not answer his calls and to return every letter he may send. I completely erased him from my life. It was an extremely painful process, but it is a MUST in these types of situations. Stay strong while doing this and remember the negative results of keeping him in your life. These types of people need to be erased, or they stick around like a thorn in your skin.
As far as getting Al back, that is tricky. Did you get upset that he was hanging on so tightly? Did you argue about him sending you letters? Did you tell him you didn't want to see him again? If that is the case, you have a lot of apologizing to do, if he takes you back. Don't waste any time though. Call Al and explain things. Tell him you want to start again from step one and rebuild your once beautiful relationship. If he loves you, he'll take things slowly. He'll want to make you comfortable too. It will take time, and you need to build the trust that this won't happen again. Hopefully he hasn't moved on. No matter how much people say they won't, they eventually give in to the pain of holding on, and they move on. It happened in my case as well as the dozen of emails I have answered in
the past few days. I wish I had more advice. This is all I know.
Take care,
Theresa
Wow, thanks Theresa. Have you ever thought about starting your own blog? We should team up! Let me know, and I'll make you a co writer on this blog.
Okay gang. I am taking Olivia back to her mom's for the rest of the weekend, then off to a movie. Have a great weekend, or what's left of it.
I know you had said you weren't posting anymore of my letters, but I wanted to email you once more for two reasons. The first reason is, I wanted to thank you for posting my first letter and for being willing to share my email. It has given me a chance to help people, which is nice. I see why you like your blog so much.
The second reason is to post the last letter from Kim as well as my response.
Kim emailed me and said:
I have told "Al" (not his real name), my most recent boyfriend to let me have some time to figure things out because the things you went through with your ex are almost
exactly like mine. Al was crushed and was willing to give me space, but he just couldn't do it. He would call or send emails, mostly sad ones about how he missed me, and they were too much to take. I finally told him I would not answer the phone or read his emails because I needed to think with a clear head. After reading your story though, I realize I made a mistake and that I NEED to end things with
my ex, but I don't know how. How do I do this and go back to Al? He was so hurt. It's been so long that I actually feel like I don't know him anymore, but I
want so badly to see him. I want to tell him I love him. Help!
Here was my response:
Getting rid of an ex that you have a long past with can be really hard,
especially if it was like mine. Therapy helps. In the end, I wrote my ex a
"goodbye and don't contact me letter", then changed my phone number and email. He knew my family, so I asked them to not answer his calls and to return every letter he may send. I completely erased him from my life. It was an extremely painful process, but it is a MUST in these types of situations. Stay strong while doing this and remember the negative results of keeping him in your life. These types of people need to be erased, or they stick around like a thorn in your skin.
As far as getting Al back, that is tricky. Did you get upset that he was hanging on so tightly? Did you argue about him sending you letters? Did you tell him you didn't want to see him again? If that is the case, you have a lot of apologizing to do, if he takes you back. Don't waste any time though. Call Al and explain things. Tell him you want to start again from step one and rebuild your once beautiful relationship. If he loves you, he'll take things slowly. He'll want to make you comfortable too. It will take time, and you need to build the trust that this won't happen again. Hopefully he hasn't moved on. No matter how much people say they won't, they eventually give in to the pain of holding on, and they move on. It happened in my case as well as the dozen of emails I have answered in
the past few days. I wish I had more advice. This is all I know.
Take care,
Theresa
Wow, thanks Theresa. Have you ever thought about starting your own blog? We should team up! Let me know, and I'll make you a co writer on this blog.
Okay gang. I am taking Olivia back to her mom's for the rest of the weekend, then off to a movie. Have a great weekend, or what's left of it.
20090321
More good/bad breakup songs from readers.
Olivia and I went to the gym today. She played and I worked out. I belong to LA Fitness, and I have to say, it's one of the better gyms I've ever been a part of.
After the gym, we hit Inta Juice. Delicious.
Anyway, Theresa had a pile of emails and after talking with her myself, I have given her email addresses directly to those that wanted it. If you have any more questions for her, let me know, and I'll give you her email.
I also had a ton of email for more Good/Bad Breakup lyrics suggestions: Here is the reader-submitted list, with my commentary.
Good Lyrics
Third Eye Blind-"Motorcycle Driveby" Third Eye Blind was all about relationship angst. The majority of this song is a depressing mess about moving on and feeling alone, but also feeling alive. The reason it made the "good" list is because of these lyrics. Sit in your studio apartment and sing along in your bathroom/kitchen/bedroom.
Wheres the soul. I want to know, New York City's evil.
The surface is everything.
But I could never do that, someone would see through that.
And this is the last time, well be friends again.
And I'll get over you ,you"ll wonder, who I am
Ray J-"Dont need you" I don't much of this guy, except he is attracted to aging superstar crack addicts. The song isn't bad either. Definitely not my type of song, but thanks for submitting it anyway. Good lyrics.
You could have had everything
But you had to play your game
Now you want to be back in my life, baby
You don't have to play with meI'm tired of your make-believe
'Cause you know I don't need you in my life, baby
Theory of a Deadman-"Better Off". A Nickelback-esque band that, in my opinion has surpassed the quality of Nickelback as far as their songwriting. Hell, my daughter writes deeper lyrics than Nickleback.
I'm moving on
Yes I've been waiting far too long
Cuz living with you is like a hole in the head
I know that I'll soon be better off
Cuz living with you is like a hole in the head
I know, well I know
Pink-"Just like a pill" Pink's career was made on heartbreak and standing up to those who keep her down or break her heart. Extra points: women, listen to this, then her song "18 Wheeler". You'll hate men for the rest of your life...and you'll probably grow armpit hair instantly.
I cant stay on your life support, theres a shortage in the switch
I cant stay on your morphine, cuz its making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes being a little bitch
I think Ill get outta here.
Coheed & Cambria-"Welcome Home" One of my favorite bands of all time. Complicated lyrics, complicated musical arrangements, and all around emotion. This song is all about raising the middle finger to the relationship. Even more badass: You'll want to get a black broken heart tattooed on your EYE after this song.
Well you're just as I presumed.
A whore in sheep's clothing
F*cking up all I do
And if so here we stop
Then never again will you see this in your life
Limp Bizkit-"Boiler" True, Limp Bizkit is like the ABBA of metal (no one will admit to liking them), but this song is a stand up and scream "I'M DONE!" song. Abba lover.
Depending on you is done. (is done)
Giving to you is done.
No more eating, no sleeping, no living,
It's all just forgiving to you and I'm done. (and I'm done)
Bad Song Lyrics
Sarah McLachlan-"I will remember you" One of the coolest and most misspelled female alternative artists (yes, I spelled it right) around, Sarah has two lines in this song that will hit home for anyone that was ever left for someone else. You'll go through a whole box of Kleenex just by reading these lines. Drink your latte and cry yourself to sleep.
So afraid to love you, more afraid to lose.
Clinging to a past that just won't let me choose.
Eagles-"New York Minute" I am definitely not a fan of the Eagles. I like Don Henley's stuff, but the Eagles just seemed so overrated. This song, however, was one of my favorites growing up. It wasn't until I listened to it today that I realized how much of a downer it is. Damn you Don Henley! Damn you and your hopeful, yet tragic lyrics!
What the head makes cloudy
The heart makes very clear
The days were so much brighter
In the time when she was here
But I know there's somebody somewhere
Make these dark clouds disappear
Until that day, I have to believe
I believe, I believe
Eels-"Flower" The Eels are a great band to see live, but have some REEAALLLY depressing lyrics. Flower was on their "Beautiful Freak" album (filled with depressing lyrics) and is a dark and touching song. Take your anti-depressants before listening.
It's a pretty big world god
And i am awful small
Everyday they rain down on me
Flower in a hailstorm
Flower in a hailstorm
I'm living for the drought
I could throw it back at them
But then I'd play their game
Everyone is trying to bum me out
Coldplay-"Fix You" I love Coldplay. Jokes aside, I think they are one of the most emotionally in tune bands of our time and the lyrics say everything that your words can't. However, in this case, that's bad. Fix You is just a sad song. I picture a man walking in the rain imagining what he'd say to the woman he loves if she were still around. I picture the man as the Rock, and the woman as Katherine Heigl, but that's beside the point.
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Bon Jovi-"This ain't a love song" Bon Jovi has always been a guilty pleasure of mine, so thanks to Gina for suggesting this gem. Put on your jean jacket and hit the streets of New Jersey. Go punch Journey in the face and tell them it's from Bon Jovi.
I should have listened when you said good night
You really meant good bye
Baby, ain't it funny, how you never ever learn to fall
You're really on your knees, when you think you're standing tall
But only fools are "know-it-alls" and I played that fool for you
Tim McGraw-"Please Remember Me" This is by far the worst song to hear after a breakup. Find a better love but remember me? Yeah, remember me..live in your own special hell. Too bad you can't farm sorrow. It'd be a cash crop with this song.
You'll find better love
Strong as it ever was
Deep as the river runs
Warm as the morning sun
Please remember me
20090320
Brian
My friend Brian's birthday was the other day and we're going out tonight to celebrate. Anyone near Brit's Pub in DT Minneapolis should stop in and wish this guy a happy birthday. He's been there for me through thick and thin since we became friends in school here in Minneapolis.
Theresa answers some questions.
Theresa emailed back answers to the questions asked earlier.
1. How did you know Chris was the one?
I new Chris was the one because loving him was so overpowering it scared me to death. He was everything I wanted in a man and the person I felt deep down that I loved more than anyone before.
2. What things did your ex try to get you back?
My ex would email me or call me and make promises, try bringing up the good memories, try to make every fight we had done seem like it had made our love stronger, he would make soft threats, put down Chris, yell, cry, and then start it all over. We had drama in our relationship and some insecurity issues and he really knew how to push those buttons.
3. Why was your relationship bad with your ex?
It was bad because he was one person that I was drawn to in my early years, but as I matured, he didn't. He kept trying to make me be who HE wanted. He was extremely stubborn and was good at playing with my emotions. He would be disrespectful, not let me see or talk to certain friends, sometimes be violent in arguements, and he could be SO selfish! Then, he would turn around and we would do amazing things like take flying lessons together, we learned to kickbox, we would go to these fancy clubs, and he even flew me to Europe. During therapy, I realized he was trying to basically blow away the bad by doing overly great things. It causes chemical reactions in your brain that actually confuse your emotions and mask the negativity. He was so bad, but I kept giving him chances.
I hope you don't stay with that ex. Bad things happen when you make bad choices. You are free to do what you want to though, you may choose to make your mistakes, but recognize that it IS indeed a mistake you'll be regretting.
Theresa
Thanks Theresa...and thanks for writing Kim. I hope this helps.
1. How did you know Chris was the one?
I new Chris was the one because loving him was so overpowering it scared me to death. He was everything I wanted in a man and the person I felt deep down that I loved more than anyone before.
2. What things did your ex try to get you back?
My ex would email me or call me and make promises, try bringing up the good memories, try to make every fight we had done seem like it had made our love stronger, he would make soft threats, put down Chris, yell, cry, and then start it all over. We had drama in our relationship and some insecurity issues and he really knew how to push those buttons.
3. Why was your relationship bad with your ex?
It was bad because he was one person that I was drawn to in my early years, but as I matured, he didn't. He kept trying to make me be who HE wanted. He was extremely stubborn and was good at playing with my emotions. He would be disrespectful, not let me see or talk to certain friends, sometimes be violent in arguements, and he could be SO selfish! Then, he would turn around and we would do amazing things like take flying lessons together, we learned to kickbox, we would go to these fancy clubs, and he even flew me to Europe. During therapy, I realized he was trying to basically blow away the bad by doing overly great things. It causes chemical reactions in your brain that actually confuse your emotions and mask the negativity. He was so bad, but I kept giving him chances.
I hope you don't stay with that ex. Bad things happen when you make bad choices. You are free to do what you want to though, you may choose to make your mistakes, but recognize that it IS indeed a mistake you'll be regretting.
Theresa
Thanks Theresa...and thanks for writing Kim. I hope this helps.
Kim's response.
Kim from Oregon emailed me last night. Here is her letter:
Carjacked in Minnesota? Really?? That seems so random. I am glad to hear you are okay. I also liked your "Good/Bad Songs" posting. It really made me laugh. Anyway, I am wondering if you can ask Theresa a few questions.
1. How did you know Chris was the one?
2. What things did your ex try to get you back?
3. Why was your relationship bad with your ex?
I am going through something similar and really need some insight as to what other people have felt and thought. Hopefully you can post this and Theresa will read it?
Thanks.
Kim
Thanks Kim. We'll see what happens.
Carjacked in Minnesota? Really?? That seems so random. I am glad to hear you are okay. I also liked your "Good/Bad Songs" posting. It really made me laugh. Anyway, I am wondering if you can ask Theresa a few questions.
1. How did you know Chris was the one?
2. What things did your ex try to get you back?
3. Why was your relationship bad with your ex?
I am going through something similar and really need some insight as to what other people have felt and thought. Hopefully you can post this and Theresa will read it?
Thanks.
Kim
Thanks Kim. We'll see what happens.
20090319
Best and worst lyrics to hear after a breakup...
I've compiled a list of songs that contain both the best and worst lyrics to hear after you've set your single feet back on the ground.
Good songs are the ones that either reinforce the fact that you'll move on and be okay, or that you are better off without the other person.
1. Brand New- "Seventy Times Seven" First, this is one of my favorite songs. Rough, honest, and just plain emotionally cruel. Great song to get over someone. Imagine this as a breakup at a party. On New Year's Eve.
And is that what you call tact?
You’re as subtle as a brick in the small of my back.
So let’s end this call, and end this conversation.
and is that what you call a getaway?
Well tell me what you got away with.
cause you left the frays from the ties you severed
when you say best friends means friends forever.
2. Beyonce-"Irreplaceable" A great song that makes the listener want to stand up and snap their fingers, as if to say, "You go girl." (Guys, don't do this. You look stupid.)
So since I'm not your everything
How about I’ll be nothing
Nothing at all to you
Baby I wont shed a tear for you
I won’t lose a wink of sleep
Cause the truth of the matter is
Replacing you is so easy
3. Mariah Carey-"Shake it Off" It's a grand message from the R&B queen herself. She's movin' on and you should to.
By the time you get this message it’s gonna be too late
So don’t bother pagin’ me ’cause I’ll be on my way
See I packed up my diamonds and clothes,
Just ask your mama she knows
You’re gonna miss me baby hate to say I told you so
4. Taking Back Sunday- "Cut from the Team" Taking Back Sunday is known for their blisteringly emotional lyrics. This is a sadder song, but from an angry perspective. Belt this out at your own risk. You may lose your voice.
Don't bother trying to explain Angel
I know exactly what goes on when you're on and
How about I'm outside of your window
(how about I'm outside of your window)
Watchin' him keep the details covered
You're such a sucker (you're such a sucker)
for a sweet talker, yeah
5. Bif Naked- "I died" An angry "chick rock" song about a woman who "just took it" during a breakup. Silently moves on, as if to say "you don't even deserve the things I want to say."
I died eating french fries
in the restaurant on the corner,
where you broke me heart.
I cried 'cause I bit my tongue
knowing the truth would wash over you
like a rash.
I hereby use my glacier water
to wash away the remorse and the stain.
behind these eyes I'm my mother's daughter.
hard, hidden shame
and you'll never see me again
6. Avenged Sevenfold-"Afterlife" Known for their unusually hard love songs, A7x as they are called wrote this song about moving on from a bad situation with the hopes that the other person will eventually come back. Great song.
I don't belong here, I gotta move on, dear
Escape from this afterlife
Cause this time I'm right to move on and on
Far away from here
Got nothing against you and surely I'll miss you
This place full of peace and light
And I'd hope you might take me back inside
When the time is right
7. Lara Fabian-"I will love again" Lara wrote this one hit wonder about seeking out love again. Be strong, be sassy, and love this.
I will love again
Though my heart is breaking, I will
love again
Stronger than before
I will love again
Even if it takes a lifetime to get over you
8. Dashboard Confessional-"Vindicated" A really hopeful song that seems to say "Yeah, I had problems, but I am fixing this and everything you saw in me, I do too...so eat it...please." (It's emo.)
I am selfish, I am wrong
I am right, I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am
Flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself
Heaven only knows, I will love again
Bad songs are the ones that hit your heart like a dagger and are driven deeper and deeper with every passing verse. You remember that guy that gets wasted at the bar and belts these out while relieving himself in the corner? He's been single since he was 15 and he just couldn't stop listening to these songs.
1. Anything by R Kelly. He's taken love out of relationships and turned it purely sexual. Why should you come back? For the sex.. Why did he leave? Fighting got in the way of sex.. Why should you leave your new happiness? For the sex.. He loves you because of sex. And maybe because you're underage.
2. Bob Dylan-“Trying to Get to Heaven” No one says "kill me" like Dylan. This song reeks of depression..and mothballs.
Gonna sleep down in the parlor
And relive my dreams
I’ll close my eyes and I wonder
If everything is as hollow as it seems
Some trains don’t pull no gamblers
No midnight ramblers, like they did before
I been to Sugar Town, I shook the sugar down
Now I’m trying to get to heaven before they close the door
3. Richard Marx-"Hold on to the Night" I saw many girls in my junior high run into the bathroom crying with a bottle of aspirin (to "end it") while this song played at our dances. Guys, don't ever break up with a woman to this song. Her friends will hate you for the rest of your life. They won't even let you come into the bathroom to talk to her.
Hold onto the night
Hold onto the memories
If only I could give you something more
Well, I think that I've been true to everybody else but me
and the way I feel about you makes my heart long to be free
Every time I look into your eyes I'm helplessly aware
That the someone I've been searching for is right there...
4. Various Artists-"Hallelujah" (I like Rufus Wainright's the best) Jeff Buckley, Rufus, and a gob of others have done this song and each time it gets more and more depressing. It's basically a soundtrack to have while you're driving to the bridge that you're planning to hurl yourself off of.
Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
5. Crosby Still & Nash-"Love the One You're With" What the hell? If you've been broken up with or especially, cheated on (gasp), this is NOT the song you want to hear. The thought of your boyfriend looking over at some woman (that has all of the qualities you lack) then jumping her bones, is not a thought you want to enter your mind at your point of healing. A good tip: If you're stuck listening to this song, think of ugly ass David Crosby trying to get it on. Always good for a laugh.
Turn your heartache
right into joy
She's a girl, you're a boy,
Get it together make it nice
Ain't gonna need anymore advice.
Well, there's a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love
Love the one you're with
6. Chicago-"Look Away" Do you remember the "single since 15 guy" I mentioned at the beginning? This was the song he filled a mixtape with to start his downward spiral. Imagine days of laying on your couch with a case of Hamm's Beer and singing this song in between crying and passing out.
But if you see me walking by,
And the tears are in my eyes,
Look away, baby, look away.
If we meet on the streets someday,
And I dont know what to say,
Look away, baby, look away.
Don't look at me;
I don't want you to see me this way.
7. Rolling Stones-"Angie" A great song from a great band, but DAMN is it depressing.
With no loving in our souls and no money in our coats
You cant say were satisfied
But Angie, I still love you, baby
Everywhere I look I see your eyes
There ain't a woman that comes close to you
8. Frank Sinatra- "In the wee small hours of the morning" The Chairman really sticks the knife in deep when he sings these lyrics. Grab your scotch, it'll be a long night..and you'll be sweeping up broken things in the morning.
When your lonely heart has learned its lesson
You'd be hers if only she would call
In the wee small hours of the morning
That's the time you miss her most of all
9. U2-"With or Without You" A damned if I do, damned if I don't song. Little known fact: Listening to this song on an Ipod will actually make your eardrums cry.
See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you
10. Taylor Swift-"White Horse" This is the end part of the song, which is actually the most upbeat part of the entire thing. Holy Hannah, is this a depressing song, and from a teenager? She hasn't even seen the worse yet. It's rumored that after Joe Jonas breaks her heart, she'll actually write a song that will actually shatter the heart of the listener. Watch out.
Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rear view mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now
So there's the list. Listen at your own risk. I don't want to read about someone standing on the Hennepin bridge with a bottle of scotch, and Ipod, and crying eardrums on New Year's Eve because someone broke up with them at a party.
Good songs are the ones that either reinforce the fact that you'll move on and be okay, or that you are better off without the other person.
1. Brand New- "Seventy Times Seven" First, this is one of my favorite songs. Rough, honest, and just plain emotionally cruel. Great song to get over someone. Imagine this as a breakup at a party. On New Year's Eve.
And is that what you call tact?
You’re as subtle as a brick in the small of my back.
So let’s end this call, and end this conversation.
and is that what you call a getaway?
Well tell me what you got away with.
cause you left the frays from the ties you severed
when you say best friends means friends forever.
2. Beyonce-"Irreplaceable" A great song that makes the listener want to stand up and snap their fingers, as if to say, "You go girl." (Guys, don't do this. You look stupid.)
So since I'm not your everything
How about I’ll be nothing
Nothing at all to you
Baby I wont shed a tear for you
I won’t lose a wink of sleep
Cause the truth of the matter is
Replacing you is so easy
3. Mariah Carey-"Shake it Off" It's a grand message from the R&B queen herself. She's movin' on and you should to.
By the time you get this message it’s gonna be too late
So don’t bother pagin’ me ’cause I’ll be on my way
See I packed up my diamonds and clothes,
Just ask your mama she knows
You’re gonna miss me baby hate to say I told you so
4. Taking Back Sunday- "Cut from the Team" Taking Back Sunday is known for their blisteringly emotional lyrics. This is a sadder song, but from an angry perspective. Belt this out at your own risk. You may lose your voice.
Don't bother trying to explain Angel
I know exactly what goes on when you're on and
How about I'm outside of your window
(how about I'm outside of your window)
Watchin' him keep the details covered
You're such a sucker (you're such a sucker)
for a sweet talker, yeah
5. Bif Naked- "I died" An angry "chick rock" song about a woman who "just took it" during a breakup. Silently moves on, as if to say "you don't even deserve the things I want to say."
I died eating french fries
in the restaurant on the corner,
where you broke me heart.
I cried 'cause I bit my tongue
knowing the truth would wash over you
like a rash.
I hereby use my glacier water
to wash away the remorse and the stain.
behind these eyes I'm my mother's daughter.
hard, hidden shame
and you'll never see me again
6. Avenged Sevenfold-"Afterlife" Known for their unusually hard love songs, A7x as they are called wrote this song about moving on from a bad situation with the hopes that the other person will eventually come back. Great song.
I don't belong here, I gotta move on, dear
Escape from this afterlife
Cause this time I'm right to move on and on
Far away from here
Got nothing against you and surely I'll miss you
This place full of peace and light
And I'd hope you might take me back inside
When the time is right
7. Lara Fabian-"I will love again" Lara wrote this one hit wonder about seeking out love again. Be strong, be sassy, and love this.
I will love again
Though my heart is breaking, I will
love again
Stronger than before
I will love again
Even if it takes a lifetime to get over you
8. Dashboard Confessional-"Vindicated" A really hopeful song that seems to say "Yeah, I had problems, but I am fixing this and everything you saw in me, I do too...so eat it...please." (It's emo.)
I am selfish, I am wrong
I am right, I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am
Flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself
Heaven only knows, I will love again
Bad songs are the ones that hit your heart like a dagger and are driven deeper and deeper with every passing verse. You remember that guy that gets wasted at the bar and belts these out while relieving himself in the corner? He's been single since he was 15 and he just couldn't stop listening to these songs.
1. Anything by R Kelly. He's taken love out of relationships and turned it purely sexual. Why should you come back? For the sex.. Why did he leave? Fighting got in the way of sex.. Why should you leave your new happiness? For the sex.. He loves you because of sex. And maybe because you're underage.
2. Bob Dylan-“Trying to Get to Heaven” No one says "kill me" like Dylan. This song reeks of depression..and mothballs.
Gonna sleep down in the parlor
And relive my dreams
I’ll close my eyes and I wonder
If everything is as hollow as it seems
Some trains don’t pull no gamblers
No midnight ramblers, like they did before
I been to Sugar Town, I shook the sugar down
Now I’m trying to get to heaven before they close the door
3. Richard Marx-"Hold on to the Night" I saw many girls in my junior high run into the bathroom crying with a bottle of aspirin (to "end it") while this song played at our dances. Guys, don't ever break up with a woman to this song. Her friends will hate you for the rest of your life. They won't even let you come into the bathroom to talk to her.
Hold onto the night
Hold onto the memories
If only I could give you something more
Well, I think that I've been true to everybody else but me
and the way I feel about you makes my heart long to be free
Every time I look into your eyes I'm helplessly aware
That the someone I've been searching for is right there...
4. Various Artists-"Hallelujah" (I like Rufus Wainright's the best) Jeff Buckley, Rufus, and a gob of others have done this song and each time it gets more and more depressing. It's basically a soundtrack to have while you're driving to the bridge that you're planning to hurl yourself off of.
Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
5. Crosby Still & Nash-"Love the One You're With" What the hell? If you've been broken up with or especially, cheated on (gasp), this is NOT the song you want to hear. The thought of your boyfriend looking over at some woman (that has all of the qualities you lack) then jumping her bones, is not a thought you want to enter your mind at your point of healing. A good tip: If you're stuck listening to this song, think of ugly ass David Crosby trying to get it on. Always good for a laugh.
Turn your heartache
right into joy
She's a girl, you're a boy,
Get it together make it nice
Ain't gonna need anymore advice.
Well, there's a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love
Love the one you're with
6. Chicago-"Look Away" Do you remember the "single since 15 guy" I mentioned at the beginning? This was the song he filled a mixtape with to start his downward spiral. Imagine days of laying on your couch with a case of Hamm's Beer and singing this song in between crying and passing out.
But if you see me walking by,
And the tears are in my eyes,
Look away, baby, look away.
If we meet on the streets someday,
And I dont know what to say,
Look away, baby, look away.
Don't look at me;
I don't want you to see me this way.
7. Rolling Stones-"Angie" A great song from a great band, but DAMN is it depressing.
With no loving in our souls and no money in our coats
You cant say were satisfied
But Angie, I still love you, baby
Everywhere I look I see your eyes
There ain't a woman that comes close to you
8. Frank Sinatra- "In the wee small hours of the morning" The Chairman really sticks the knife in deep when he sings these lyrics. Grab your scotch, it'll be a long night..and you'll be sweeping up broken things in the morning.
When your lonely heart has learned its lesson
You'd be hers if only she would call
In the wee small hours of the morning
That's the time you miss her most of all
9. U2-"With or Without You" A damned if I do, damned if I don't song. Little known fact: Listening to this song on an Ipod will actually make your eardrums cry.
See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you
10. Taylor Swift-"White Horse" This is the end part of the song, which is actually the most upbeat part of the entire thing. Holy Hannah, is this a depressing song, and from a teenager? She hasn't even seen the worse yet. It's rumored that after Joe Jonas breaks her heart, she'll actually write a song that will actually shatter the heart of the listener. Watch out.
Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rear view mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now
So there's the list. Listen at your own risk. I don't want to read about someone standing on the Hennepin bridge with a bottle of scotch, and Ipod, and crying eardrums on New Year's Eve because someone broke up with them at a party.
I need to take more pictures.
I love taking pictures. Which is why, with this new free time on my hands, I have decided to take more pictures. I'll be posting them here and on Facebook as I go. Let me know what you think.
A heartfelt post. (Another "Miss someone" response)
I usually don't like coming hom on lunch to do postings, but I got a letter today that his SO close to home that I had to put it up ASAP.
Theresa in Colorado wrote:
I had been in an on and off again relationship for almost a decade when, during one of our "off" periods, I met and fell in love with a man named Chris. We really hit it off and within 6 months, we were engaged to be married. That's when it all fell apart. My ex started trying to get me back and was really playing with my emotions. He was always good at the "I'll change" and the "don't think about the bad stuff", and the "we fought so hard for each other" crap. He had me believing that the love that he and I had (our relationship WASN'T perfect..it was bad) was stronger than the love I had for Chris. I started to believe that maybe I should give it a shot, so I let Chris go. He was heartbroken and told me that he'd wait for forever for me, but I told him to move on...I actually convinced myself that he wasn't the perfect man, and I convinced him that I wasn't what HE needed.
Two years later, my ex (now boyfriend) and I split up for the final time. I'd finally had enough of the drama, the lying and the deception. He was making me be someone that I didn't want to be. I realized at that moment that I'd loved Chris all of these years and that I should find him to apologize and ask him to take me back. I called his parents and got his number. I was so nervous to call, but I dialed anyway.
Chris answered. I burst into tears and told him everything. I said that I'd missed him all of these years, that I'd never really stopped thinking of him, that he was right all along and I just had to make my mistake, and I asked to be a part of his life again. He started crying and declined me. He said that I'd done such a good job of making him believe that I didn't love him, that I didn't miss him, and that he didn't need me, that he eventually made himself stop hurting and he found someone else. He said the hope of holding out for me was too much pain for him to bear. He was now engaged to a new woman and I was crushed. He is now married and living on the west coast.
I am writing this letter to tell you that it is not possible to miss someone and not want to be with them. I miss Chris every single day and I would like to be with him, but he's moved on. I made the worst mistake of my life out of pure confusion and now I am paying the price.
I am also writing this letter in the vain hope that someday, this will reach Chris, and if he is single, I hope he could find me. I love you Chris. I am sorry.
Theresa
This letter really hit home for me. It's tough to hear someone say they doubt their feelings for you. It's tougher to hear them say they feel you would be better off with someone else. Theresa, I hope Chris finds his way back to you. It sounds like he's always been in your heart. Thanks for writing.
Theresa in Colorado wrote:
I had been in an on and off again relationship for almost a decade when, during one of our "off" periods, I met and fell in love with a man named Chris. We really hit it off and within 6 months, we were engaged to be married. That's when it all fell apart. My ex started trying to get me back and was really playing with my emotions. He was always good at the "I'll change" and the "don't think about the bad stuff", and the "we fought so hard for each other" crap. He had me believing that the love that he and I had (our relationship WASN'T perfect..it was bad) was stronger than the love I had for Chris. I started to believe that maybe I should give it a shot, so I let Chris go. He was heartbroken and told me that he'd wait for forever for me, but I told him to move on...I actually convinced myself that he wasn't the perfect man, and I convinced him that I wasn't what HE needed.
Two years later, my ex (now boyfriend) and I split up for the final time. I'd finally had enough of the drama, the lying and the deception. He was making me be someone that I didn't want to be. I realized at that moment that I'd loved Chris all of these years and that I should find him to apologize and ask him to take me back. I called his parents and got his number. I was so nervous to call, but I dialed anyway.
Chris answered. I burst into tears and told him everything. I said that I'd missed him all of these years, that I'd never really stopped thinking of him, that he was right all along and I just had to make my mistake, and I asked to be a part of his life again. He started crying and declined me. He said that I'd done such a good job of making him believe that I didn't love him, that I didn't miss him, and that he didn't need me, that he eventually made himself stop hurting and he found someone else. He said the hope of holding out for me was too much pain for him to bear. He was now engaged to a new woman and I was crushed. He is now married and living on the west coast.
I am writing this letter to tell you that it is not possible to miss someone and not want to be with them. I miss Chris every single day and I would like to be with him, but he's moved on. I made the worst mistake of my life out of pure confusion and now I am paying the price.
I am also writing this letter in the vain hope that someday, this will reach Chris, and if he is single, I hope he could find me. I love you Chris. I am sorry.
Theresa
This letter really hit home for me. It's tough to hear someone say they doubt their feelings for you. It's tougher to hear them say they feel you would be better off with someone else. Theresa, I hope Chris finds his way back to you. It sounds like he's always been in your heart. Thanks for writing.
Trips pt 2 and a response.
Thanks for all of the ideas you emailed in. I got responses ranging from "Duluth" to "Camping locally", to "fly her to Chicago for $50". All good ideas.
The most lengthy response belongs to Courtney from Minneapolis. It's only a few sentences, but it made me smile.
She wrote:
Sean, I think taking your daughter on a plane for the first time is a really cool idea, no matter where you go. I am sure you two will have fun.
I would also like to add that if you would like to have someone accompany you to Seattle, I am more than willing to go. I have friends out there and it would be fun to see them. I would also like to get to know you. You seem like a great guy.
Courtney
Thanks for the offer Courtney and I hope publishing your letter wasn't a negative experience for you. I am flattered that you'd like to get to know me, but I am just working through this breakup and am finding my own ground to stand on at this point.
I also had one more response to the final question from yesterday:
Nick from South Dakota wrote:
I am responding to the question about missing someone. Sometimes when a relationship ends, people block their ability to feel or to miss someone. I split up with a woman a year ago and I missed her so much that it made me depressed. I'd felt suffocated in our relationship and we split up, but I needed to get through my own issues before I could go back. I cried for days and finally decided that missing her and wanting her back wouldn't solve anything until I fixed myself. I "locked away" my feelings for her and went through my counseling. I missed her every single day but I wouldn't let myself feel that. When my therapy had ended, I called her and told her I had missed her the whole time and I asked for her forgiveness. She took me back and we are still happily together today. It's a tough road to walk when you put so much love into a relationship and it ends. I wish you luck.
Nick
Thanks Courtney and Nick.
The most lengthy response belongs to Courtney from Minneapolis. It's only a few sentences, but it made me smile.
She wrote:
Sean, I think taking your daughter on a plane for the first time is a really cool idea, no matter where you go. I am sure you two will have fun.
I would also like to add that if you would like to have someone accompany you to Seattle, I am more than willing to go. I have friends out there and it would be fun to see them. I would also like to get to know you. You seem like a great guy.
Courtney
Thanks for the offer Courtney and I hope publishing your letter wasn't a negative experience for you. I am flattered that you'd like to get to know me, but I am just working through this breakup and am finding my own ground to stand on at this point.
I also had one more response to the final question from yesterday:
Nick from South Dakota wrote:
I am responding to the question about missing someone. Sometimes when a relationship ends, people block their ability to feel or to miss someone. I split up with a woman a year ago and I missed her so much that it made me depressed. I'd felt suffocated in our relationship and we split up, but I needed to get through my own issues before I could go back. I cried for days and finally decided that missing her and wanting her back wouldn't solve anything until I fixed myself. I "locked away" my feelings for her and went through my counseling. I missed her every single day but I wouldn't let myself feel that. When my therapy had ended, I called her and told her I had missed her the whole time and I asked for her forgiveness. She took me back and we are still happily together today. It's a tough road to walk when you put so much love into a relationship and it ends. I wish you luck.
Nick
Thanks Courtney and Nick.
20090318
Trips.
I have a few trips planned this year. Seattle will be one (again), New York is this fall, and I am trying to think of a fun place to take my daughter for vacation. Nothing extravagant, she's not into that type of thing, but she does want to fly. Any ideas?
First response
Jean in Colorado wrote:
Miss, by definition is "to notice the loss of", so while it may be realistic to assume that you CAN miss someone and not want to be with them, from a psychological perspective, if you've noticed a loss you have taken the time and effort to validate and recognize that loss, therefore your need is still there. If you miss someone and CAN'T be with them, that seems more understandable than not wanting to be with them.
Hope this helps.
Jean
Thanks Jean.
Miss, by definition is "to notice the loss of", so while it may be realistic to assume that you CAN miss someone and not want to be with them, from a psychological perspective, if you've noticed a loss you have taken the time and effort to validate and recognize that loss, therefore your need is still there. If you miss someone and CAN'T be with them, that seems more understandable than not wanting to be with them.
Hope this helps.
Jean
Thanks Jean.
Today's question, a response..
Jim from Minnesota wrote:
To think that two people are going to enter a relationship and NOT change who they are is ridiculous. A relationship is a union in which 2 people are becoming one existence. You get to know someone, you change small parts of who you are as you learn and grow together. It's part of the personal growth part of the relationship. If you refuse to change, you have more issues than just being stubborn...you are more than likely non-committal. Run away from those types. I know this from experience.
Thanks Jim
To think that two people are going to enter a relationship and NOT change who they are is ridiculous. A relationship is a union in which 2 people are becoming one existence. You get to know someone, you change small parts of who you are as you learn and grow together. It's part of the personal growth part of the relationship. If you refuse to change, you have more issues than just being stubborn...you are more than likely non-committal. Run away from those types. I know this from experience.
Thanks Jim
A new day
I couldn't sleep well with a bruised forehead. It gave me time to do more thinking.
A question for you today:
1. Do you think it is possible for two people to enter a relationship and stay exactly who they are, or is a relationship supposed to be a "melting" of two people in some ways?
A question for you today:
1. Do you think it is possible for two people to enter a relationship and stay exactly who they are, or is a relationship supposed to be a "melting" of two people in some ways?
20090317
Carjacking.
I was almost carjacked tonight. I fought him off and broke his arm. I have some forehead bruising and a bruised hand. I will be okay. If you'd like to see pics, email me and I will send you my Facebook link.
Last response
This is the last response to my question, then we'll move on.
Deanna from South Dakota wrote:
It doesn't matter who made the mistake. Either fix it or move on. If I was hurt in a relationship, I wouldn't stick around hoping to fix what went wrong, I'd move on. If they didn't see your value in the first place, then there are people out there that will. Upgrade.
Thanks Deanna.
Deanna from South Dakota wrote:
It doesn't matter who made the mistake. Either fix it or move on. If I was hurt in a relationship, I wouldn't stick around hoping to fix what went wrong, I'd move on. If they didn't see your value in the first place, then there are people out there that will. Upgrade.
Thanks Deanna.
Another response.
Jeff from Montana wrote:
I always say if it smells like sh*t and looks like sh*t, it IS sh*t. If you feel like you made a mistake and it seems like you made a mistake, then you did make a mistake. BUT, it's fixing that mistake that counts.
I have been with my wife for 10 years. Before that, we dated for one year and during that time, we broke up once because she felt suffocated. I'd just moved out there and didn't have many friends, so when I met her, I loved getting to know her. I wanted to spend lots of time with her. What I didn't realize, and what she didn't tell me was that she felt like she couldn't have a "girls night" or see her friends because she felt obligated to see me. Things boiled over one night when we'd made plans and she wanted to comfort a friend that had some unrelated relationship issues. We argued for a bit, and all of a sudden all of this STUFF started coming up in the conversation. I had no idea that she was feeling this way.
We took some time off. I was crushed when I found out she went on a few dates. I began to give up. What she realized though, was that I WAS the right one for her. She called me up one day and we talked over a beer at our favorite bar and we realized that our relationship was PERFECT but we both needed to work on our communication skills. I needed to show her that she could have her time to also be a friend and sister without encountering any frustration from me, and she needed to work on being upfront and honest with me. It worked out and we're still together, with three kids.
I don't know what mistake was made here or who made it. Fixing it may be hard, but if you both want it, it will work out.
Good luck...!
Jeff
I always say if it smells like sh*t and looks like sh*t, it IS sh*t. If you feel like you made a mistake and it seems like you made a mistake, then you did make a mistake. BUT, it's fixing that mistake that counts.
I have been with my wife for 10 years. Before that, we dated for one year and during that time, we broke up once because she felt suffocated. I'd just moved out there and didn't have many friends, so when I met her, I loved getting to know her. I wanted to spend lots of time with her. What I didn't realize, and what she didn't tell me was that she felt like she couldn't have a "girls night" or see her friends because she felt obligated to see me. Things boiled over one night when we'd made plans and she wanted to comfort a friend that had some unrelated relationship issues. We argued for a bit, and all of a sudden all of this STUFF started coming up in the conversation. I had no idea that she was feeling this way.
We took some time off. I was crushed when I found out she went on a few dates. I began to give up. What she realized though, was that I WAS the right one for her. She called me up one day and we talked over a beer at our favorite bar and we realized that our relationship was PERFECT but we both needed to work on our communication skills. I needed to show her that she could have her time to also be a friend and sister without encountering any frustration from me, and she needed to work on being upfront and honest with me. It worked out and we're still together, with three kids.
I don't know what mistake was made here or who made it. Fixing it may be hard, but if you both want it, it will work out.
Good luck...!
Jeff
Another response
Kevin in North Carolina wrote:
I agree with Jennifer. I think sometimes people make decisions because they feel they have to and when they look back, they realize they should have "taken the other path". I don't think it's too late to ever go back. I took a contractual job in Boston that I ended up hating. I bought out the contract and headed back here to NC and I am with a company I love. It pays less money, but it allows me to do what I enjoy. I could have "stuck with" Boston because I signed the contract, but I think I made the right decision coming back, and so does my wife.
Life is full of challenges. Some are hills and some are mountains. The hills are easy to beat, but if we stop at the mountains instead of tackling them head on, we'll never make it through. Whatever this decision is that is being regretted, take a step back and think about what really matters. Think about what really makes you happy and you will have your answer. If your brain tells you you screwed up and you feel like you screwed up, you probably did. It's never too late to fix it though.
Love the site man, keep it up.
Kevin
Thanks Kevin
I agree with Jennifer. I think sometimes people make decisions because they feel they have to and when they look back, they realize they should have "taken the other path". I don't think it's too late to ever go back. I took a contractual job in Boston that I ended up hating. I bought out the contract and headed back here to NC and I am with a company I love. It pays less money, but it allows me to do what I enjoy. I could have "stuck with" Boston because I signed the contract, but I think I made the right decision coming back, and so does my wife.
Life is full of challenges. Some are hills and some are mountains. The hills are easy to beat, but if we stop at the mountains instead of tackling them head on, we'll never make it through. Whatever this decision is that is being regretted, take a step back and think about what really matters. Think about what really makes you happy and you will have your answer. If your brain tells you you screwed up and you feel like you screwed up, you probably did. It's never too late to fix it though.
Love the site man, keep it up.
Kevin
Thanks Kevin
That was a quick response..
Jennifer in Iowa wrote in just minutes after I posted my question. Thanks for responding so quickly.
She wrote:
I have been following the site for awhile and am assuming you mean "from a relationship perspective" with your question today. I watched my mom do this over the course of a decade. She was in this long relationship after my dad died and, let's just say, he wasn't the best guy. He was very good at making promises and making her believe their turmoil made for a deeper love, but he'd eventually show his scumbag side and he and my mom would split up. For 9 years this went on and she kept making excuses and going back to him. I saw some really good guys get set aside so my mom could go back to this idiot. Each time she went back to this guy, a little more respect was lost. Their fights got worse, their reason for fighting got more petty, and they both weren't able to be themselves in their "relationship". Somehow, the drama, the bad memories, and the issues they'd had, had caused them to try and be someone else in the relationship..someone they both were not. She knew the mistake she was making but, it seemed that she'd been brainwashed into thinking it had to happen. It all came to a boil one time and during an argument, he struck her. He'd pushed her before, grabbed her really hard, thrown things at her, stuff like that, but never hit her. This was all my mom could take. She kicked him out and never looked back.
She's okay now. She went through therapy and is dating again. She completely blocked the old guy from her life by changing her number, moving, and changing her email. I think she made the right decision.
Everything affected me too. I started off dating really bad guys. Couple that with the fact that I have issues with being adopted, and you have a big mess in my head. I am also going through therapy and should be okay. I am dating a wonderful guy right now, so the therapy was a natural move, to keep things going the right direction.
I really love your site. It's a good place to read about normal people's relationships. I hope you keep this up for a long time.
By the way, if your (ex?) girlfriend does enter your life again, taking it slow IS a good idea. If she is as amazing as you make her out to be, I wouldn't risk losing her twice.
Jennifer
(Ps. You should have kept your first pic up.)
Thanks Jennifer. Anyone else have perspective on this? Email wordofmouthmn@gmail.com.
She wrote:
I have been following the site for awhile and am assuming you mean "from a relationship perspective" with your question today. I watched my mom do this over the course of a decade. She was in this long relationship after my dad died and, let's just say, he wasn't the best guy. He was very good at making promises and making her believe their turmoil made for a deeper love, but he'd eventually show his scumbag side and he and my mom would split up. For 9 years this went on and she kept making excuses and going back to him. I saw some really good guys get set aside so my mom could go back to this idiot. Each time she went back to this guy, a little more respect was lost. Their fights got worse, their reason for fighting got more petty, and they both weren't able to be themselves in their "relationship". Somehow, the drama, the bad memories, and the issues they'd had, had caused them to try and be someone else in the relationship..someone they both were not. She knew the mistake she was making but, it seemed that she'd been brainwashed into thinking it had to happen. It all came to a boil one time and during an argument, he struck her. He'd pushed her before, grabbed her really hard, thrown things at her, stuff like that, but never hit her. This was all my mom could take. She kicked him out and never looked back.
She's okay now. She went through therapy and is dating again. She completely blocked the old guy from her life by changing her number, moving, and changing her email. I think she made the right decision.
Everything affected me too. I started off dating really bad guys. Couple that with the fact that I have issues with being adopted, and you have a big mess in my head. I am also going through therapy and should be okay. I am dating a wonderful guy right now, so the therapy was a natural move, to keep things going the right direction.
I really love your site. It's a good place to read about normal people's relationships. I hope you keep this up for a long time.
By the way, if your (ex?) girlfriend does enter your life again, taking it slow IS a good idea. If she is as amazing as you make her out to be, I wouldn't risk losing her twice.
Jennifer
(Ps. You should have kept your first pic up.)
Thanks Jennifer. Anyone else have perspective on this? Email wordofmouthmn@gmail.com.
Day off.
It's my day off today and it's looks like it'll be the first NICE day I've had off in quite awhile. After the gym and carwash I am headed to the radio station to see if I can go back part time. Wish me luck with that.
Anyway, I didn't sleep well last night. I was sorting through things in my head and all of a sudden I was wide awake. I've been up since four, so I am hoping a nice long workout will help me clear my head and I can take a quick nap before it gets too nice outside.
My question to you is this: If you make a decision and your conscious and subconscious tell you that it was a mistake, is it too late to go back? Is it worth going back, or do you just stick with the bed you made..?
Anyway, I didn't sleep well last night. I was sorting through things in my head and all of a sudden I was wide awake. I've been up since four, so I am hoping a nice long workout will help me clear my head and I can take a quick nap before it gets too nice outside.
My question to you is this: If you make a decision and your conscious and subconscious tell you that it was a mistake, is it too late to go back? Is it worth going back, or do you just stick with the bed you made..?
20090316
Opening a can of worms. Bonus response..
So I also sent these questions to Olivia's mom and here is what I got back.
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
1. I think from the beginning we were just better as friends, we could always talk about everything, but the romance was just not there for us, I think.
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. I think the same reason.
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. Moving the relationship too quickly. (I felt that was one of hers too.)
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. Didn't initiate romance. (Wrong. It was that she felt I didn't initiate romance enough)
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. I'd say a bit more than some especially since we were dealing with having a child together, but I think we were able to handle it pretty well. Just hard when you're planning on spending the rest of you life with someone and then realizing that it just wasn't meant to be.
6. What did you learn?
6. Probably what you should have learned... to take things slow in a relationship so you really know when it's meant to be.
A little background here. Liz and I are still friends. We split up and saved a great friendship that has allowed us to be great parents to an incredible little girl. Liz has since remarried to a cool guy and we split custody of our daughter. She's still one of my closest friends.
She provided me with some good advice here. I think Tracy and I skipped over some important parts of our relationship and if she ever reenters my life, I hope to make up for that. Tracy and I had so many things in common, coupled with the romance, the love, and the friendship, there just needed to be more friendship and I think I didn't recognize that until it was too late. Sometimes love can be stressful, even if you bring it on yourself by your words and actions. Not getting caught up in the love and taking a step back once in awhile to realize that your true love should also be your friend is a hard thing to do...but it is the right thing to do. Liz, you're wonderful for responding.
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
1. I think from the beginning we were just better as friends, we could always talk about everything, but the romance was just not there for us, I think.
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. I think the same reason.
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. Moving the relationship too quickly. (I felt that was one of hers too.)
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. Didn't initiate romance. (Wrong. It was that she felt I didn't initiate romance enough)
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. I'd say a bit more than some especially since we were dealing with having a child together, but I think we were able to handle it pretty well. Just hard when you're planning on spending the rest of you life with someone and then realizing that it just wasn't meant to be.
6. What did you learn?
6. Probably what you should have learned... to take things slow in a relationship so you really know when it's meant to be.
A little background here. Liz and I are still friends. We split up and saved a great friendship that has allowed us to be great parents to an incredible little girl. Liz has since remarried to a cool guy and we split custody of our daughter. She's still one of my closest friends.
She provided me with some good advice here. I think Tracy and I skipped over some important parts of our relationship and if she ever reenters my life, I hope to make up for that. Tracy and I had so many things in common, coupled with the romance, the love, and the friendship, there just needed to be more friendship and I think I didn't recognize that until it was too late. Sometimes love can be stressful, even if you bring it on yourself by your words and actions. Not getting caught up in the love and taking a step back once in awhile to realize that your true love should also be your friend is a hard thing to do...but it is the right thing to do. Liz, you're wonderful for responding.
Opening a can of worms. Lesson learned?
It was nice to get responses from the women of my past. I left a few out and couldn't find a few, but was surprised that so many actually responded.
Here is what I've learned:
I may come off as a know it all. I already know I have issues retaining memory. It just doesn't go away. I can remember everything from my childhood on and I see it sometimes as a curse. The same goes with me picking up knowledge. Once it's in my head, it's hard to get it out. However, it's the way I present that knowledge that seems to be the issue. I need to learn to sometimes just keep my mouth shut.
I have been cheated on and abused, but still enter a relationship with positivity and trust. I stay calm under fire and am always willing to talk, but with some people that seems to aggravate their temper, when I may be trying to calm it down. I have a tendency to date hot tempered people. I don't know how that happens, or if maybe I bring that out in them because I am such an easy going guy.
I've grown emotionally over the years and feel that my relationships have too. I don't think it's because I have changed who I am for each relationship (I don't feel people should change who they are just for a relationship), but rather I have learned from past mistakes. Over the years I've realized that because there are two people existing as one "unit", both needs should be taken into consideration, both needs should be respected, and both should be considered as equal as the other. I haven't always done a good job of that, especially lately.
This was an eye opening experience for me. Thanks to everyone that contributed.
Here is what I've learned:
I may come off as a know it all. I already know I have issues retaining memory. It just doesn't go away. I can remember everything from my childhood on and I see it sometimes as a curse. The same goes with me picking up knowledge. Once it's in my head, it's hard to get it out. However, it's the way I present that knowledge that seems to be the issue. I need to learn to sometimes just keep my mouth shut.
I have been cheated on and abused, but still enter a relationship with positivity and trust. I stay calm under fire and am always willing to talk, but with some people that seems to aggravate their temper, when I may be trying to calm it down. I have a tendency to date hot tempered people. I don't know how that happens, or if maybe I bring that out in them because I am such an easy going guy.
I've grown emotionally over the years and feel that my relationships have too. I don't think it's because I have changed who I am for each relationship (I don't feel people should change who they are just for a relationship), but rather I have learned from past mistakes. Over the years I've realized that because there are two people existing as one "unit", both needs should be taken into consideration, both needs should be respected, and both should be considered as equal as the other. I haven't always done a good job of that, especially lately.
This was an eye opening experience for me. Thanks to everyone that contributed.
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Opening a can of worms. I and J's responses
I's response
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
1. We grew apart.
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. I took you for granted. I did, but I think that once you realized that, you'd closed yourself off.
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. Once you end a relationship you don't look back.
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. I am flirty.
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. Yes. That is all I will say. I think you know how and why.
6. What did you learn?
6. I wasn't a good person at that time. I was all about me and not really concerned with the other parts of a relationship.
J's response
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
1. I cheated on you and was...abusive.
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. Same thing.
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. Temper, dishonesty, abusiveness, you name it.
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. You stayed calm and were always willing to talk. It drove me crazy.
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. I kind of flipped out...so yeah.
6. What did you learn?
6. After you, I ended up in a relationship where everything that I'd done to you was done to me. It was at that point that I realized that I needed to straighten myself out. I've done that and am happily married. I have come to terms with who I was and I apologize. Anyway, I am going on and on. Thanks for writing me, though I can't figure out how you found my email.
I am resourceful, I guess. Thanks to all of you that responded. Conclusion is in the next post.
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
1. We grew apart.
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. I took you for granted. I did, but I think that once you realized that, you'd closed yourself off.
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. Once you end a relationship you don't look back.
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. I am flirty.
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. Yes. That is all I will say. I think you know how and why.
6. What did you learn?
6. I wasn't a good person at that time. I was all about me and not really concerned with the other parts of a relationship.
J's response
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
1. I cheated on you and was...abusive.
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. Same thing.
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. Temper, dishonesty, abusiveness, you name it.
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. You stayed calm and were always willing to talk. It drove me crazy.
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. I kind of flipped out...so yeah.
6. What did you learn?
6. After you, I ended up in a relationship where everything that I'd done to you was done to me. It was at that point that I realized that I needed to straighten myself out. I've done that and am happily married. I have come to terms with who I was and I apologize. Anyway, I am going on and on. Thanks for writing me, though I can't figure out how you found my email.
I am resourceful, I guess. Thanks to all of you that responded. Conclusion is in the next post.
Opening a can of worms. G and H's responses
G's response
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
1. I didn't realize what I had.
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. I don't know...you were emotionally unavailable?
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. You are too laid back.
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. I have a hot temper.
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. Not for you obviously. We haven't talked in 7 years..
6. What did you learn?
6. I had alot to learn. I learned that no matter what I do in a relationship, there is always a second person who has needs that I should be thinking of too.
I've grown emotionally since I knew you and I thank you for ending things when you did.
H's response
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
1. We weren't in a committed relationship. We "hung out".
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. I got totally busted "hanging out" with someone else.
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. You put alot into relationships. You are very giving and attentive. Is that
a bad thing? Probably not.
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. (She mentioned here that she thought I said alot of "not nice things about
her".) I haven't.
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. No. We stopped hanging out and that was it.
6. What did you learn?
6. Nothing I can think of at the moment.
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
1. I didn't realize what I had.
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. I don't know...you were emotionally unavailable?
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. You are too laid back.
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. I have a hot temper.
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. Not for you obviously. We haven't talked in 7 years..
6. What did you learn?
6. I had alot to learn. I learned that no matter what I do in a relationship, there is always a second person who has needs that I should be thinking of too.
I've grown emotionally since I knew you and I thank you for ending things when you did.
H's response
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
1. We weren't in a committed relationship. We "hung out".
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. I got totally busted "hanging out" with someone else.
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. You put alot into relationships. You are very giving and attentive. Is that
a bad thing? Probably not.
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. (She mentioned here that she thought I said alot of "not nice things about
her".) I haven't.
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. No. We stopped hanging out and that was it.
6. What did you learn?
6. Nothing I can think of at the moment.
Opening a can of worms F's response
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
1. I cheated on you.
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. I cheated on you (though you may think more than I did)
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. Knowledge. You are smart and resourceful. It's hard to handle.
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. Lack of honesty. I hid things.
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. Yeah. It took some time.
6. What did you learn?
6. You were a good person and I wasn't that good of a person to you. You deserved better and I hope you find it.
1. I cheated on you.
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. I cheated on you (though you may think more than I did)
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. Knowledge. You are smart and resourceful. It's hard to handle.
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. Lack of honesty. I hid things.
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. Yeah. It took some time.
6. What did you learn?
6. You were a good person and I wasn't that good of a person to you. You deserved better and I hope you find it.
My response to Gloria..
Gloria
When we come from abusive relationships, we are so used to being abused or taken for granted, that when we're shown love and respect we don't know how to handle it. We often then turn around and do the same thing to others that was initially done to us.
It sounds like you recognized what you had done to make him end the relationship. Did you consider therapy or did you go through therapy? It's sometimes the best option for straightening these types of things out.
Can I ask what made your lost love such a great man?
Good luck in finding a job. I am sure we're all pulling for you.
When we come from abusive relationships, we are so used to being abused or taken for granted, that when we're shown love and respect we don't know how to handle it. We often then turn around and do the same thing to others that was initially done to us.
It sounds like you recognized what you had done to make him end the relationship. Did you consider therapy or did you go through therapy? It's sometimes the best option for straightening these types of things out.
Can I ask what made your lost love such a great man?
Good luck in finding a job. I am sure we're all pulling for you.
A special letter
Gloria wrote in. I just wanted to share this with you.
Hi Sean,
I love your blog. I am sorry to hear about your breakup. I don't have any money, since I've been recently laid off from my job here in Augusta, so I hope you can see it in your heart to publish this anyway.
I have spent the last 30 years of my life without my true love. In my earlier years, I'd been married and had a child from that marriage. He was abusive and we went through a messy divorce. I spent some time as a single mother and I began to wonder who would love a woman with an 8 year old daughter, but soon enough, I fell happily in love with the man of my dreams and everything seemed perfect. However, I eventually began to take him for granted and he decided we shouldn't be together anymore. I knew I'd made the worst mistake of my life, but my pride wouldn't let me apologize and ask for his forgiveness. My daughter loved him like her real father and it was hard for her too. She kept in touch with him and I'd get reports of how he was doing through her reading letters to me.
He moved on. He said he wouldn't, but he did. I lost the love of my life because of my selfish pride. About 4 years ago, I finally decided to have my daughter give me his number so I could call him up and tell him that I'd loved him all of these years and to tell him how sorry I was, but when I did, I found out he'd passed on. His wife and I talked for awhile, I think because she could tell how brokenhearted I was, and she shared his life with me.
I am writing this letter to let your readers know that if they find that love. The love that makes breathing hurt, the love that makes your world turn upside down and backward, the love that messes you up and keeps you together all at the same time, hold on to it. Treasure that love and never take it for granted.
Gloria
Agusta, GA
Thank you Gloria.
Hi Sean,
I love your blog. I am sorry to hear about your breakup. I don't have any money, since I've been recently laid off from my job here in Augusta, so I hope you can see it in your heart to publish this anyway.
I have spent the last 30 years of my life without my true love. In my earlier years, I'd been married and had a child from that marriage. He was abusive and we went through a messy divorce. I spent some time as a single mother and I began to wonder who would love a woman with an 8 year old daughter, but soon enough, I fell happily in love with the man of my dreams and everything seemed perfect. However, I eventually began to take him for granted and he decided we shouldn't be together anymore. I knew I'd made the worst mistake of my life, but my pride wouldn't let me apologize and ask for his forgiveness. My daughter loved him like her real father and it was hard for her too. She kept in touch with him and I'd get reports of how he was doing through her reading letters to me.
He moved on. He said he wouldn't, but he did. I lost the love of my life because of my selfish pride. About 4 years ago, I finally decided to have my daughter give me his number so I could call him up and tell him that I'd loved him all of these years and to tell him how sorry I was, but when I did, I found out he'd passed on. His wife and I talked for awhile, I think because she could tell how brokenhearted I was, and she shared his life with me.
I am writing this letter to let your readers know that if they find that love. The love that makes breathing hurt, the love that makes your world turn upside down and backward, the love that messes you up and keeps you together all at the same time, hold on to it. Treasure that love and never take it for granted.
Gloria
Agusta, GA
Thank you Gloria.
Opening a can of worms. E's response
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
1. The relationship didn't start. (We saw each other on and off for a few months)
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. N/A?
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. I don't think you have any but then again, we didn't spend THAT much time together.
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. I don't have any flaws. Do i? ha ha
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. N/A
6. What did you learn?
6. That you're an amazing lover, you genuinely care about people, and really just all around great guy.
There are a few more that I am waiting to respond, and I'll post the "what I learned" results!
1. The relationship didn't start. (We saw each other on and off for a few months)
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. N/A?
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. I don't think you have any but then again, we didn't spend THAT much time together.
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. I don't have any flaws. Do i? ha ha
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. N/A
6. What did you learn?
6. That you're an amazing lover, you genuinely care about people, and really just all around great guy.
There are a few more that I am waiting to respond, and I'll post the "what I learned" results!
Opening a can of worms. D's response
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
1. I am pretty certain the reason our relationship ended is because I am the world's biggest commitment-aphobe. The second things start to even seem like they may possibly go somewhere I start to push the person away and then dream up some reason we shouldn't be together and then I bail. I don't let myself get close.
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. I have absolutely no idea what you would think is the reason. I hope you don't think it was you.
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. You think you know a lot ;)....which is okay because you do but I sometimes felt you acted it too much...like you thought you had so much more experience with everything (which you do so I really have nothing to say here).
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. Maybe you thought I was too young and that's why you sometimes came off as you knew more? (again..you probably do :))
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. Umm...not really I guess. I was pretty bummed that I had yet again succumbed to my commitment issues but I am positive it wasn't rough for you and I dealt.
6. What did you learn?
6. The commitment issue thing again that I am still dealing with.
1. I am pretty certain the reason our relationship ended is because I am the world's biggest commitment-aphobe. The second things start to even seem like they may possibly go somewhere I start to push the person away and then dream up some reason we shouldn't be together and then I bail. I don't let myself get close.
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. I have absolutely no idea what you would think is the reason. I hope you don't think it was you.
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. You think you know a lot ;)....which is okay because you do but I sometimes felt you acted it too much...like you thought you had so much more experience with everything (which you do so I really have nothing to say here).
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. Maybe you thought I was too young and that's why you sometimes came off as you knew more? (again..you probably do :))
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. Umm...not really I guess. I was pretty bummed that I had yet again succumbed to my commitment issues but I am positive it wasn't rough for you and I dealt.
6. What did you learn?
6. The commitment issue thing again that I am still dealing with.
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Opening a can of worms. C's response
I understand why you have questions. I dont think i have a short answer for you.As for us I think I learned more about you after we broke up than when we were together.
Alot of things happened between us that damaged our relationship. I think the most important thing you could do for yourself is find your inner happiness. Find what makes you happy. You wanted honesty! If I can give you a piece of advice from a woman, just like you guys you like the chase, we like man that keeps us in our tiptoes.
Good to know.
(She and I dated for over a year and are still friends.)
Alot of things happened between us that damaged our relationship. I think the most important thing you could do for yourself is find your inner happiness. Find what makes you happy. You wanted honesty! If I can give you a piece of advice from a woman, just like you guys you like the chase, we like man that keeps us in our tiptoes.
Good to know.
(She and I dated for over a year and are still friends.)
Opening a can of worms. B's response
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
1. We just weren't compatible.
I don't want to answer the rest of these.
(She and I dated only for a little bit and she turned out to be too hot tempered for me to handle...I broke it off..that's my side.)
1. We just weren't compatible.
I don't want to answer the rest of these.
(She and I dated only for a little bit and she turned out to be too hot tempered for me to handle...I broke it off..that's my side.)
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Opening a can of worms. A's response
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
1. cause you needed "you" time
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. cause i may have been a bit crazy when it came to wanting to spend time with you.
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. too nice...but can be mean unconsciously... if that makes sense. =P
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. you didn't say (she didn't have any)
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. it was a tad sad...but not rough
6. What did you learn?
6. that everyone's amount of attention needed is different and sometimes inconsistent.
1. cause you needed "you" time
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
2. cause i may have been a bit crazy when it came to wanting to spend time with you.
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
3. too nice...but can be mean unconsciously... if that makes sense. =P
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
4. you didn't say (she didn't have any)
5. Was it a rough breakup?
5. it was a tad sad...but not rough
6. What did you learn?
6. that everyone's amount of attention needed is different and sometimes inconsistent.
Opening a can of worms.
After a conversation tonight, I am examining why my former relationships didn't last. I sent an email to about 10 ex-girlfriends and asked the questions below. I'll post the responses once I get some emails. They will be categorized by letter as to not incriminate. Here are the questions...
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
5. Was it a rough breakup?
6. What did you learn?
This should be interesting.
1. Why do you feel the relationship ended?
2. Why do you think I THINK the relationship ended?
3. What is my biggest character flaw?
4. What did I think your biggest flaw (if any) was?
5. Was it a rough breakup?
6. What did you learn?
This should be interesting.
Olivia
So this weekend is the birthday party of my sister's stepkids and that also means my daughter's 6th birthday is just weeks away. I had my own battle with cancer and was not even supposed to have children (hence my donation choice), but she came along and changed my life. She used to sit with me at the radio station and talk into the microphone like she was a co-host, she's had plenty of accidents (like putting a nail into her arm, or falling down the stairs), but she's always been a light in my life. There isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't make me smile. I know some of you have kids...any interesting or funny stories with them?
Happy late birthday to my Megan and Tony's kids. They are also a light in my life.
Happy late birthday to my Megan and Tony's kids. They are also a light in my life.
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Who wants crack in the morning?
I went to my local Holiday gas station in search of an energy drink this morning. I am not a fan of Rockstar, Amp, or Monster because of high fructose corn syrup (I try to limit that stuff in my body. Read up on it..nasty), so I looked for something different.
Up in the corner of the cooler was a small blue bottle with "REDLINE" emblazoned on the front. I picked one up and went to my car. Eneregy drinks these days are so unpredictable, so I decided to read the label. I guess REDLINE is the rocket fuel of energy drinks. According to the label, you should only drink half the bottle at a time and never drink more than one bottle per day. I assume if you DID drink more than one bottle, REDLINE may have a lawsuit if you ever dropped from orbit. I drank half the bottle and within minutes had an energy rush of epic proportions. AWESOME! About four hours later, I also had a crash of epic proportions. NOT AWESOME!
If I ever need to save the world, I know which drink will be by my side. Until then, you can try it for yourself and at your own risk.
No communication today from any readers, but feel to drop me a line. Until tomorrow, I hope you all have peace in your lives.
Happy Brithday to my friend Dave tomorrow too!
First and foremost, thank you for the pile of emails showing support and wishing me well. The breakup came as a huge surprise to me and many of those around me. I harbor no hard feelings toward Tracy and wish her the best.
That said, I have decided to move forward with my goal of donating to the American Cancer Society and readers are welcome to donate whatever they wish at any time.
The blog format is also changing, though the address will remain the same. The reason the address remains the same is simple..none of this would ever have started without the love I had, so to change the address is wiping out the inspiration I had in the first place.
Going forward, the blog will chronicle my life, my "unlucky in love"
adventures, as well as be a forum to answer any relationship questions
people may have.
In fact, Dana in Missouri wrote in and donated 1$. Thanks to Dana for writing in and donating our first dollar in a few days, even after the breakup.
Dana wrote:
I am sorry to hear about your loss Sean. I have just gone through a similar situation. I'd been dating a woman named Sara for two years and we just recently split up because she "was no longer in love with me.". I
don't see how that can just turn off like a switch. I am hurt and upset..aren't you with your girlfriend??
Hang in there man. Know there are more of us in the Broken Heart Club.
Dana, here is my response:
No I am not upset. I am hurt and I feel sad, but I believe strongly in a quote from a Tom Hanks movie that says, "And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"
The point is, is that we go on. Life has to continue and we still have our daily lives to attend to. We enter relationships wanting to make someone happy, but if we exhaust our resources and fail to do that, then it's time to let them find out how they can be happy. You haven't failed..you've done exactly what you set out to do.
You may inadvertently stumble across the love of your life just a few days
later, or Sara may decide she can't live without you as well. In either case, you can't dwell on what did or what may to happen, you can only move on and see what "the tide may bring" into your life. I love my ex-girlfriend more than anything, and I'd love for her to come back into my life, but I have to live my life until the day that happens.
Another quote I like is from a Steve Martin movie that says, "Why is it that we don't always recognize the moment when love begins but we always know when it ends?" A true statement, indeed, but also a warning from me for anyone ending a relationship to make sure you give closure. It may not be good news and instant friendship, but leaving someone hanging is like leaving an open wound. Not cool. If it has ended, make sure both sides understand that and move on.
So, there is the end of my first single blog. We got a donation, I got to give some advice, and things are looking up. The sun is actually rising right over the trees outside my window. It's going to be a good day.
That said, I have decided to move forward with my goal of donating to the American Cancer Society and readers are welcome to donate whatever they wish at any time.
The blog format is also changing, though the address will remain the same. The reason the address remains the same is simple..none of this would ever have started without the love I had, so to change the address is wiping out the inspiration I had in the first place.
Going forward, the blog will chronicle my life, my "unlucky in love"
adventures, as well as be a forum to answer any relationship questions
people may have.
In fact, Dana in Missouri wrote in and donated 1$. Thanks to Dana for writing in and donating our first dollar in a few days, even after the breakup.
Dana wrote:
I am sorry to hear about your loss Sean. I have just gone through a similar situation. I'd been dating a woman named Sara for two years and we just recently split up because she "was no longer in love with me.". I
don't see how that can just turn off like a switch. I am hurt and upset..aren't you with your girlfriend??
Hang in there man. Know there are more of us in the Broken Heart Club.
Dana, here is my response:
No I am not upset. I am hurt and I feel sad, but I believe strongly in a quote from a Tom Hanks movie that says, "And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"
The point is, is that we go on. Life has to continue and we still have our daily lives to attend to. We enter relationships wanting to make someone happy, but if we exhaust our resources and fail to do that, then it's time to let them find out how they can be happy. You haven't failed..you've done exactly what you set out to do.
You may inadvertently stumble across the love of your life just a few days
later, or Sara may decide she can't live without you as well. In either case, you can't dwell on what did or what may to happen, you can only move on and see what "the tide may bring" into your life. I love my ex-girlfriend more than anything, and I'd love for her to come back into my life, but I have to live my life until the day that happens.
Another quote I like is from a Steve Martin movie that says, "Why is it that we don't always recognize the moment when love begins but we always know when it ends?" A true statement, indeed, but also a warning from me for anyone ending a relationship to make sure you give closure. It may not be good news and instant friendship, but leaving someone hanging is like leaving an open wound. Not cool. If it has ended, make sure both sides understand that and move on.
So, there is the end of my first single blog. We got a donation, I got to give some advice, and things are looking up. The sun is actually rising right over the trees outside my window. It's going to be a good day.
20090311
Well...
We seem to have hit a brick wall. She and I split up last night. It appears as if there are issues with us and she feels she can't be in a relationship right now. I was not expecting this. I don't know what to do really..
If you donated and want your money back (since we didn't reach any goals), email me and let me know. If not, I'll donate it to the American Cancer Society.
I am a little shaken right now, but in a few days I'll be continuing this blog from a different angle.
Take care for now.
If you donated and want your money back (since we didn't reach any goals), email me and let me know. If not, I'll donate it to the American Cancer Society.
I am a little shaken right now, but in a few days I'll be continuing this blog from a different angle.
Take care for now.
20090310
Clarification
There have been a few emails questioning the reason for the goal change the other day. I thought I'd take a minute to answer those questions and shed light on exactly WHY I am doing this.
The goal change was made because after the site started getting visitors, I realized the greater good that is possible with this and would really like to do something charitable, along with meeting the secondary goal of hopefully funding Tracy's ring. Both goals are still there, I have just realized the impact I can make and wanted to ensure that happens.
I hope everyone is well. Things are plugging away here. I apologize for the lack of updates, but I've gotten busier at work and am only updating once a day now.
Keep the emails coming! We can do this!
The goal change was made because after the site started getting visitors, I realized the greater good that is possible with this and would really like to do something charitable, along with meeting the secondary goal of hopefully funding Tracy's ring. Both goals are still there, I have just realized the impact I can make and wanted to ensure that happens.
I hope everyone is well. Things are plugging away here. I apologize for the lack of updates, but I've gotten busier at work and am only updating once a day now.
Keep the emails coming! We can do this!
20090308
A change...for the better.
I did some thinking in my absence and realized that I am going about this all wrong. I am trying to go a good deed as well as raise money for Tracy's ring, therefore the good deed should be first.
Here is the conclusion I came to:
I am attempting to raise $3000 for the American Cancer Society FIRST.
Any money over that, will go towards Tracy's ring, and the person with an interesting story about love.
We've had zero donations in the past few days, and I figure, if I am going to do something like this, I should be placing the good deed first. The love I have for Tracy isn't going away, so that can be the second goal.
Care to donate? Find a donate button below.
Here is the conclusion I came to:
I am attempting to raise $3000 for the American Cancer Society FIRST.
Any money over that, will go towards Tracy's ring, and the person with an interesting story about love.
We've had zero donations in the past few days, and I figure, if I am going to do something like this, I should be placing the good deed first. The love I have for Tracy isn't going away, so that can be the second goal.
Care to donate? Find a donate button below.
20090307
Out of town
I am headed out of town for a few days. I'll update when I can. Still no donations. I hope all is not lost.
20090304
One donation. 54 days left.
I got a donation today! Christa from Denver, Co also wrote me a short letter I wanted to share with you:
Hi Sean
My friend Mary told me about this site and I have to tell ya, I am hooked. I think you have quite a blog going here. I am chipping in my 1$ just to let you know that I think you are doing a great thing and I wish more people would spread the word about this. If everything goes as planned, you'll be hearing from all of my friends. Good luck with this Sean! You should also think about getting corporate sponsors!
Christa
Thanks Christa! I think I have the potential to do some serious good here. I just need everyone's help in spreading the word. 54 days left and a LONG way to go!! Do it for yourself, do it for your friends, or do it for a loved one. $1 is all it takes.
P.S. If anyone knows any corporations or companies that would donate, drop me a line!
Sean
Hi Sean
My friend Mary told me about this site and I have to tell ya, I am hooked. I think you have quite a blog going here. I am chipping in my 1$ just to let you know that I think you are doing a great thing and I wish more people would spread the word about this. If everything goes as planned, you'll be hearing from all of my friends. Good luck with this Sean! You should also think about getting corporate sponsors!
Christa
Thanks Christa! I think I have the potential to do some serious good here. I just need everyone's help in spreading the word. 54 days left and a LONG way to go!! Do it for yourself, do it for your friends, or do it for a loved one. $1 is all it takes.
P.S. If anyone knows any corporations or companies that would donate, drop me a line!
Sean
20090303
55 days left!
Darin and his wife Kathy donated $50 awhile back and last night I got an email from Kathy:
So, I'm sure that you are super busy, but I just have to know what your total is so far. I think that what you are doing is amazing! I just love it! You're just the sweetest thing!!! ;-) I just couldn't resist (I donated as much as I could afford.) I kept thinking that my marriage has been one of greatest gifts. Darin has brought me so much love and happiness. I think that everyone deserves to feel that same bliss.
I wish you all the luck in the world with this! Your girlfriend really has a wonderful guy! ;-)
Take care, Sean!
Kathy
Thanks for writing Kathy! Good to hear from you and I am glad your marriage is bringing you such happiness. Thanks again for the donation! The total raised so far is $150...that is 3% of the goal. That is great news considering we've expanded only by word of mouth and we've only been up since Friday. We do have a long way to go though, so please ask your friends to visit our little love experiment here. I would really like to have a nice donation for the American Cancer Society by the end of this.
So, I'm sure that you are super busy, but I just have to know what your total is so far. I think that what you are doing is amazing! I just love it! You're just the sweetest thing!!! ;-) I just couldn't resist (I donated as much as I could afford.) I kept thinking that my marriage has been one of greatest gifts. Darin has brought me so much love and happiness. I think that everyone deserves to feel that same bliss.
I wish you all the luck in the world with this! Your girlfriend really has a wonderful guy! ;-)
Take care, Sean!
Kathy
Thanks for writing Kathy! Good to hear from you and I am glad your marriage is bringing you such happiness. Thanks again for the donation! The total raised so far is $150...that is 3% of the goal. That is great news considering we've expanded only by word of mouth and we've only been up since Friday. We do have a long way to go though, so please ask your friends to visit our little love experiment here. I would really like to have a nice donation for the American Cancer Society by the end of this.
20090302
56 days left
I got two donations today, both for $10.
From the East Coast, Logan shared a sweet story about how she and her boyfriend met but asked that it be for my eyes only. Thanks Logan!
Dave, another friend of mine, also shared $10. Dave and I go way back. Thanks man!
56 days remaining and it appears as if we're gathering visitors..the number jumped by 40 in one day. Let's see if we can get the donations rolling in the same direction and really show the American Cancer Society what love can do.
Any other stories? Tributes? Want some advice?
From the East Coast, Logan shared a sweet story about how she and her boyfriend met but asked that it be for my eyes only. Thanks Logan!
Dave, another friend of mine, also shared $10. Dave and I go way back. Thanks man!
56 days remaining and it appears as if we're gathering visitors..the number jumped by 40 in one day. Let's see if we can get the donations rolling in the same direction and really show the American Cancer Society what love can do.
Any other stories? Tributes? Want some advice?
The ring that love built.
I came home on for my lunch hour to specifically let everyone know that several news stations are considering my story now! If you haven't already donated, now is the time to be a part of something huge!
I also got another $1 donation from Marie in North Dakota. Marie wrote:
"It's nice to see love like this exists. Good luck with this! I am donating $1 for my father who died of lung cancer. I am sure he'd be happy to see good like this being done in today's world!!"
Thanks Marie!
I also got another $1 donation from Marie in North Dakota. Marie wrote:
"It's nice to see love like this exists. Good luck with this! I am donating $1 for my father who died of lung cancer. I am sure he'd be happy to see good like this being done in today's world!!"
Thanks Marie!
57 days left
We did end up getting two donations last night. Both from people that offered support for the site.
Dan in Saint Paul and Sarah in Chicago, thank you.
57 days left people, I'd love to make a day of record donations here today. Pass the word along and I will update later tonight.
Dan in Saint Paul and Sarah in Chicago, thank you.
57 days left people, I'd love to make a day of record donations here today. Pass the word along and I will update later tonight.
20090301
Can't win everytime..
Well we had plenty of visitors today, but no donations so far. I did get an email from Neil in Wisconsin though, that asked, "What if she says "no"?"
Good question Neil. Thanks for writing.
If she says no, then all of the money (with the exception of the $3000 going to someone in a similar situation) goes to the American Cancer Society. I won't need the ring at that point, so any earmarked funds would then go to the greater good behind this whole site.
I would like to think that when the time comes, she will still say yes. :-)
Good question Neil. Thanks for writing.
If she says no, then all of the money (with the exception of the $3000 going to someone in a similar situation) goes to the American Cancer Society. I won't need the ring at that point, so any earmarked funds would then go to the greater good behind this whole site.
I would like to think that when the time comes, she will still say yes. :-)
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