Tia wrote:
Maybe you can help me with this. I think I want to divorce my husband. He is mainly an extremely sweet and loving person, but he's got some issues that are eating me up. He recently got a DUI and I discovered a rather long criminal history existed. Before that, I caught him lying about wasting his money away on video games and computer stuff. I discovered that last one because he was always asking to borrow money and I knew he made almost three times what I made, so I questioned him about his spending and he said it went to "loans". I lent him $2000. He started skipping payments back to me but asked me for more money. After insisting he explain more before I lent him more money, he said he'd racked up bills on Best Buy credit cards buying video games, computer supplies (stuff to build or improve computers?..I am not a tech person), and stuff like that.
Despite these problems, he continues to be extremely stubborn. When he gets upset he can say mean things. He can also leave quite a mess around the house and when I ask him to pick up his things, he complains and says things like, "you're not my mom" which make the situation that much more frustrating and awkward. Our sex life is nonexistent.
I've invested three years with this person and I don't know what to do. I don't want to start over, we dated for three years before we married and these problems weren't there. I don't even want to think how the dating world has changed. I don't want to be with him, but I don't want to start over...what do I do?
Tia
Well Tia, if you were a man I'd say grow some balls..but since you're not and I know for a fact that women can't really grow balls, I will advise you to stop being to fearful of starting over and cut your losses.
This guy hid a criminal past from you and basically took money from you (and hid that too), not to mention the whole lying about it thing. So what if you've spent three years and several thousand dollars keeping this sinking ship afloat? Get out of this while you still have your credit intact.
If this guy doesn't respect you enough to treat you like an equal in the relationship, then he doesn't deserve you. The lying, the hiding, the lack of intimacy, it all seems to say he doesn't value you in the relationship. As far as starting over, the dating world is pretty much the same as 2003 (or around there by how long you said you had known each other), with the exception of cell phones making drunk texting and dirty pictures all that much more common. If you are looking for quality people, you'll still find them in the same places, there aren't any new dating scares, and online dating can be done by phone instead of relying on a computer. Yay.
All in all, you'll be better off without this guy. You know you deserve better. (Wo)man up and get out of there.
Sean
20091130
Holiday Trimmings
Lbrook138 Wrote
I can't help it, every time this year, I seem to pack on all of the weight I lost over the summer. I know it's because of the family gettogethers and all of the holiday celebrating, but what are some tips you have to avoid the Holiday weight gain?
Lbrook138
I'd say the biggest friend you have in avoiding holiday weight gain is mental discipline. The second friend you have is the gym.
It's relatively easy to enjoy the holiday season without gaining a bunch of weight. You can still eat the food, have the drink, and go to all of the parties, you just need to be smarter about it. Just because there's a pumpkin pie on the table doesn't mean you need to have four pieces of it. The same goes with the gallon of gravy and the ten cookies you've managed to squeeze onto that third plate of food.
The main problem with the holidays is that many people view it as a chance to pig out and stuff themselves with more food than they'd typically eat in a week. If you just keep your normal healthy eating habits in mind and keep your portions to a minimum, you'll still be able to enjoy the foods, but not stuff yourself and bog down your metabolism. Of course, there are foods you may want to avoid if you're really looking to stay trim, but that is ultimately your choice.
The second ally is your gym. If you do find yourself eating the unhealthy foods on a seasonal basis, up your cardio time at the gym. THIS IS NOT A CURE ALL..meaning don't just run five miles so you can finish three pounds of Christmas ham. That's not the point of the workout. However, by adding an extra routine or extra day into your gym habits, you may be able to keep some of the holiday weight off.
The point is to enjoy the holiday season. If you can do that and eat healthy, then great. If not, then keep the tips above in mind.
Sean
20091126
The hot mess of child raising..
Cari wrote:
Sean
I need some advice. My husband and I have been married for just over a year and brought with us one child each into our marriage. My son Hopper is 6 and his son Chris is 9. The problem is that Chris is constantly bullying and beating on Hopper. I have tried to discipline Chris and to determine if it is Hopper that is antagonizing Chris, but the discipline doesn't work and it appears that Hopper is just being randomly attacked. My husband and I are at a loss as to what to do. Suggestions?
Cari
You can't figure out what to do? Be a parent. If Hopper is being randomly attacked and beaten up by Chris, as a parent, I'd end that in a heartbeat. My dad and mom had what I called "the look of death"..a look, that even from across the room made me almost wet my pants in fear. If I'd done something that provoked being given "the look", I knew at that instant that I was going to get a spanking or be grounded when I got home. Parents today seem to afraid to be parents. They let kids throw temper tantrums, let them whine, let them just get whatever they want, and blame it all on a fear of being powerless. I am not advocating abusing your child, but I am all for a spanking (by hand..put that spoon down). I've given Olivia ONE spanking in her life, just one..but it let her know at that moment, that she'd crossed the line. Since then, she's never thrown a tantrum, she doesn't whine, and she knows when to do what she's asked. She does this, because she knows the consequences of not listening, or whining, of throwing tantrums, etc. She knows that if she does any of these things, she'll be in trouble. I don't yell...that doesn't solve anything. It's much more effective to express your disappointment with what they've done. Every child wants to make their mom and dad happy. Think about it.
My advice to you is to discipline both of them. With Hopper, make sure he isn't doing anything to provoke these attacks and teach him to respect people, even when they aren't respectful to him...HOWEVER, teach him to also stand up for himself. With Chris, teach him to respect other people and to express his frustrations through conversation rather than by just blowing up. If he is indeed the one randomly attacking, you need to punish that behavior to the fullest extent and allow him to learn that family is family, and hurting family is not allowed.
I tormented the hell out of my sisters growing up. I swapped my crappy Halloween candy for their good ones, I chewed the feet off of their Barbies, and a number of other things. They had also done things to torment me as well..funny..I can't remember them now..
Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that there will always be a little sibling conflict, but if it is consistent and random, as parents, you should be doing everything in your power to make sure that stops.
20091124
Katelyn's letter
Katelyn wrote:
I have decided to heed your advice and join a singles site. Any tips on how to create a profile?
Katelyn
I have a few important tips for you Katelyn. Read below.
1. Don't lie. Be yourself and be honest with what you're looking for. If you aren't ready for a serious relationship, don't try to "widen your pool" and put that in your profile because you'll just end up frustrating people.
2. For the love of God, don't post:
*Scenic shots- I like the fact that you travel but I'd rather see your smile that the picture of the building with the old guy out front that you liked in Morocco. By the way, that guy in the pic? His balls are showing.
*Shots of your pets- This isn't a pet singles site. Kudos if you have a dog or cat, but at this point I don't care what it's name is, nor do I care to see 37 shots of it.
*Weird angle shots- If you're self conscious, then maybe you shouldn't be on a site that requires profiles.
*One picture of a group of people and no indication as to which one you are- What is this, "Where's Waldo?"
*30 close up shots- I hate to tell you, but if you only look good up close, you're going to have problems.
*Slutty pictures-Great abs guys..you look like idiots. Great boobs ladies..put your damn shirt on.
3. Be honest about your body type- If you are "average" you're going to actually be average, which according to national data (if you're 23-29) is:
Height-5ft 4in to 5ft 8in
Weight-120-145lbs
Waist-28 to 36 inches
If you're athletic, then you should be interested in athletic/sporty/healthy stuff.
If you're voluptuous, just having big boobs doesn't count. It's along the same principle with being skinny.
If you're overweight, just be honest and let people know. It's okay to be honest.
4. Post recent pictures- If you looked better 5 years ago, too bad. My time machine is broken so I guess people should like you for who you ARE..not who you WERE.
5. Don't say you're not a picky eater if you eat only four foods- Maybe you're not picky with those four but the rest of us can't live off of ramen, coffee, chicken (off the bone, no seasoning, no skin, white-meat, no hormones), and lime Jello.
And finally..
6. Don't quote movies- We see that your favorite movies are Anchorman, The Notebook, Top Gun, and the entire James Bond collection. You are already awesome. Quoting the movie in your profile just takes away from the enjoyment of seeing you do it in person...and it's annoying to see 50 different women use the "I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal" line.
As I said above, just be yourself. The biggest attraction for me in my online dating was meeting a woman who not only was cool in her profile, but fun to email and to spend time with. If all three click, it's a great connection.
I have decided to heed your advice and join a singles site. Any tips on how to create a profile?
Katelyn
I have a few important tips for you Katelyn. Read below.
1. Don't lie. Be yourself and be honest with what you're looking for. If you aren't ready for a serious relationship, don't try to "widen your pool" and put that in your profile because you'll just end up frustrating people.
2. For the love of God, don't post:
*Scenic shots- I like the fact that you travel but I'd rather see your smile that the picture of the building with the old guy out front that you liked in Morocco. By the way, that guy in the pic? His balls are showing.
*Shots of your pets- This isn't a pet singles site. Kudos if you have a dog or cat, but at this point I don't care what it's name is, nor do I care to see 37 shots of it.
*Weird angle shots- If you're self conscious, then maybe you shouldn't be on a site that requires profiles.
*One picture of a group of people and no indication as to which one you are- What is this, "Where's Waldo?"
*30 close up shots- I hate to tell you, but if you only look good up close, you're going to have problems.
*Slutty pictures-Great abs guys..you look like idiots. Great boobs ladies..put your damn shirt on.
3. Be honest about your body type- If you are "average" you're going to actually be average, which according to national data (if you're 23-29) is:
Height-5ft 4in to 5ft 8in
Weight-120-145lbs
Waist-28 to 36 inches
If you're athletic, then you should be interested in athletic/sporty/healthy stuff.
If you're voluptuous, just having big boobs doesn't count. It's along the same principle with being skinny.
If you're overweight, just be honest and let people know. It's okay to be honest.
4. Post recent pictures- If you looked better 5 years ago, too bad. My time machine is broken so I guess people should like you for who you ARE..not who you WERE.
5. Don't say you're not a picky eater if you eat only four foods- Maybe you're not picky with those four but the rest of us can't live off of ramen, coffee, chicken (off the bone, no seasoning, no skin, white-meat, no hormones), and lime Jello.
And finally..
6. Don't quote movies- We see that your favorite movies are Anchorman, The Notebook, Top Gun, and the entire James Bond collection. You are already awesome. Quoting the movie in your profile just takes away from the enjoyment of seeing you do it in person...and it's annoying to see 50 different women use the "I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal" line.
As I said above, just be yourself. The biggest attraction for me in my online dating was meeting a woman who not only was cool in her profile, but fun to email and to spend time with. If all three click, it's a great connection.
Max's letter
Max wrote:
I like your blog. It's refreshing to see someone that has no problem being honest.
I have a dilemma that I am hoping you can help me with. I am a divorced male who started dating a wonderful woman about 9 months ago. With the holidays approaching, I have decided to take her home to meet my family, but I am worried that my family won't be as accepting of her as they were my ex wife. My family is a very conservative family, with the stereotypical Midwestern values (overly religious), food preferences (mainly meat and potatoes, nothing spicy, etc) and my (now) ex was the exact same. I was not, am not, and my new girlfriend is also not, the same as my family. My girlfriend and I are more spiritual than religious, we are vegan, and she has quite a few tattoos.
She and I have a wonderful relationship and I love her more than I ever thought I could love someone, but I am worried that my family won't like her. What do I do?
Max
Max, if image is what you're concerned about (and from the words you used, it appears you are..), then I'd say either do what you think your parents would want you to do and dump her, or do what you'd like to do and keep her.
You listed off the differences you and your new girlfriend have with your family almost as if you're trying to PROVE you're different than they are. I emailed you back to ask where you're living now in comparison to the Midwest, and didn't get a response, so I will assume you moved to Arizona and became another sun-soaked d-bag in the worst state on Earth. If you're SO set on being different, why don't you just be REALLY different and not go home for the holidays?
You need to have a talk with your parents and work out your differences. As far as you bringing your girlfriend home, why don't you work that into the conversation with your parents BEFORE you get home instead of just springing it on them (and her) and testing what happens? Stop being so set on being different and start respecting the fact that you are all adults and have individual needs and differences. We all do. I am glad you love this woman though. If you feel she's a keeper make sure it's not just because she's different.
Personally, I think being vegan must suck this time of year. Maybe it doesn't..I don't know.
Sean
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I like your blog. It's refreshing to see someone that has no problem being honest.
I have a dilemma that I am hoping you can help me with. I am a divorced male who started dating a wonderful woman about 9 months ago. With the holidays approaching, I have decided to take her home to meet my family, but I am worried that my family won't be as accepting of her as they were my ex wife. My family is a very conservative family, with the stereotypical Midwestern values (overly religious), food preferences (mainly meat and potatoes, nothing spicy, etc) and my (now) ex was the exact same. I was not, am not, and my new girlfriend is also not, the same as my family. My girlfriend and I are more spiritual than religious, we are vegan, and she has quite a few tattoos.
She and I have a wonderful relationship and I love her more than I ever thought I could love someone, but I am worried that my family won't like her. What do I do?
Max
Max, if image is what you're concerned about (and from the words you used, it appears you are..), then I'd say either do what you think your parents would want you to do and dump her, or do what you'd like to do and keep her.
You listed off the differences you and your new girlfriend have with your family almost as if you're trying to PROVE you're different than they are. I emailed you back to ask where you're living now in comparison to the Midwest, and didn't get a response, so I will assume you moved to Arizona and became another sun-soaked d-bag in the worst state on Earth. If you're SO set on being different, why don't you just be REALLY different and not go home for the holidays?
You need to have a talk with your parents and work out your differences. As far as you bringing your girlfriend home, why don't you work that into the conversation with your parents BEFORE you get home instead of just springing it on them (and her) and testing what happens? Stop being so set on being different and start respecting the fact that you are all adults and have individual needs and differences. We all do. I am glad you love this woman though. If you feel she's a keeper make sure it's not just because she's different.
Personally, I think being vegan must suck this time of year. Maybe it doesn't..I don't know.
Sean
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Labelmakers
I read this on a Star Tribune linked article.
Sally's Saloon & Eatery, the venerable Stadium Village institution, apparently has some licensing issues, and it's got Bon Jovi and Gwen Stefani mighty upset, sort of. According to FOX9, Sally's is facing a federal lawsuit for its use of "Thunderstruck" and "Livin' on a Prayer" all the way back in 2007 and "The Sweet Escape" last February, despite allegedly not having a license for any of these songs. What did they do with the songs? Well, it's not completely clear. It might have been a band that covered it. It might have been somebody singing it during karaoke. But whatever the context, it might cost Sally's as much as $90,000.
A little bit of context comes from a Malaysian website, for whatever reason: The Star Online points out that this lawsuit follows another, by "country hottie" Taylor Swift against an Idaho sports bar. TMZ has more of that story, in which BMI representatives found the bar was playing music they hadn't licensed, and a copyright lawsuit resulted.
Why target little regional bars? A lawyer who represents these sorts of cases has an answer, as quoted by FOX: "The public is often misled by thinking these are greedy companies that are pounding on the little people to get money. That's really not the case, it's really like if someone created something outside of the music business and someone else tried to steal it, it's that simple without paying for it."
Exactly-no, wait..what? No! That lawyer is an idiot. That's like copyrighting a fart. Music doesn't work the way he thinks it does. If that artist didn't put the music out, someone else would.
These artists put out music and make most of their money TOURING. The album and airplay sales mainly go to a greedy label. I say if an artist wants to make money, do it on the tour or with merchandise sales. Playing your music or putting it online only increases your audience. Ditch your label, let radio and bars play your stuff, and just sit back and let the money roll in. There are a growing number of artists doing exactly this, but it appears that some people haven't wised up yet.
It looks like Taylor Swift's real love story is a label's love of money.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Sally's Saloon & Eatery, the venerable Stadium Village institution, apparently has some licensing issues, and it's got Bon Jovi and Gwen Stefani mighty upset, sort of. According to FOX9, Sally's is facing a federal lawsuit for its use of "Thunderstruck" and "Livin' on a Prayer" all the way back in 2007 and "The Sweet Escape" last February, despite allegedly not having a license for any of these songs. What did they do with the songs? Well, it's not completely clear. It might have been a band that covered it. It might have been somebody singing it during karaoke. But whatever the context, it might cost Sally's as much as $90,000.
A little bit of context comes from a Malaysian website, for whatever reason: The Star Online points out that this lawsuit follows another, by "country hottie" Taylor Swift against an Idaho sports bar. TMZ has more of that story, in which BMI representatives found the bar was playing music they hadn't licensed, and a copyright lawsuit resulted.
Why target little regional bars? A lawyer who represents these sorts of cases has an answer, as quoted by FOX: "The public is often misled by thinking these are greedy companies that are pounding on the little people to get money. That's really not the case, it's really like if someone created something outside of the music business and someone else tried to steal it, it's that simple without paying for it."
Exactly-no, wait..what? No! That lawyer is an idiot. That's like copyrighting a fart. Music doesn't work the way he thinks it does. If that artist didn't put the music out, someone else would.
These artists put out music and make most of their money TOURING. The album and airplay sales mainly go to a greedy label. I say if an artist wants to make money, do it on the tour or with merchandise sales. Playing your music or putting it online only increases your audience. Ditch your label, let radio and bars play your stuff, and just sit back and let the money roll in. There are a growing number of artists doing exactly this, but it appears that some people haven't wised up yet.
It looks like Taylor Swift's real love story is a label's love of money.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
20091123
Squiggly line..
I'll be posting two posts tonight, but in the meantime, I am having an issue with my eye. It is randomly twitching and bugging the hell out of me. I keep thinking that my head is going to explode like that guy from Scanners.
Pardon the video quality below..it'll explain the title of this post..
Pardon the video quality below..it'll explain the title of this post..
I like this picture
I took it an am quite proud of it. It's one good thing about having a nice camera phone.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
20091120
Yes whey..
Lucas wrote:
You've talked about protein shakes in several blogs. What is the big deal about these? Why are they so popular and are they a fad or really beneficial? I am trying to lose weight and I am afraid these things will turn me into the Hulk.
Lucas
If my comic book geek past serves me well, I remember the Hulk being created by gamma radiation, not by chugging a tub of Muscle Milk.
To answer your questions, yes they are good for you, VERY good for you if you buy the right type. Studies are beginning to show that whey protein may be effective at reducing cancer rates, improving immunity, increasing seratonin levels, reducing blood pressure, lowering cortisol levels and improving athletic performance. Wow, talk about a long list of benefits.
If you take up to 30 grams of whey protein daily, it can increase lean muscle density which will allow your body to effectively burn fat. As your body loses fat, your metabolism increases and begins to burn calories more efficiently.
Your body will not get Hulked out by drinking a protein shake either in the morning or post workout but there ARE weight gaining and muscle enlarging formulas on the market that do that as their primary job. Avoiding the gainer formulas is easy. Just look for "gainer", "monster milk" and other brand identifiers and stay away. Talking to a dietician or on-staff fitness professional is also recommended.
A regular whey protein formula has the primary function of rebuilding muscle tissue and aiding in muscle recovery (I prefer Muscle Milk or Optimum Nutrition's "Gold Standard 100% Whey"..thanks to my friend Nana for the last one..) and is a part of my daily diet. It has led to some awesome results on my fitness quest. If you feel you are getting bulky, look at the rest of your diet as well. Are you OD'ing on carbs? Are you getting enough cardio?
There are generic brands and mixed protein formulas out there, personally, I like to stick with the two I listed above since whey protein seems to have a multitude of benefits compared to cassein or blended proteins.
Do your research, find a flavor you like (GNC has some great pricing), and give it a shot...I mean shake.
Sean
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
20091118
Sometimes we forget what a good life we have. We have our ups and down throughout the year, money gets tight, and we lose track of the beauty of everyday life.
The year will be drawing to a close in just over a month and while money may be tight and time may be scarce, I'd ask that you take time to improve the lives of those around you.
Whether it's donating to a charity, volunteering, serving food at a shelter, or just showing your neighbor or community your generosity, make sure you end this year with an act of kindness. It's not too late to share the beauty of our lives with those that may not be able to see it.
Sometimes when all we see is a mess, we realize that life's just been lining up dominos to fall in the shape of something beautiful.
Sean
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
20091117
Psledge312's letter
Psledge312 wrote:
You seem to be really in tune with knowing right foods versus wrong foods. I am trying to trim about 80 lbs off of what has become of my body post college, marriage and kids. Life and such has taken its toll and I am looking to get back to the size and shape I was in when I was younger. I am 39. Is it too late? What can you recommend for helping to drop this weight and get back into shape?
P
Psledge312,
I am going to call you Percy, mainly because Psledge seems like a shortening of Percy Sledge, the singer responsible for the song "When a Man Loves a Woman."
Percy, I feel a majority of weight loss comes from changing what you eat. Spinach, grapefruit, apples, oat bran bread, lettuce, oatmeal (not COVERED in sugar), pears,
yogurt, edamame, broccoli, brown rice, and lean meats..these are all things to focus on eating. Stay away from breads with white flour (or high fructose corn syrup..it's in some breads..just check), soda, kids cereals, candy, cake, cookies, and most fruit juices like Minute Maid and Hi-C.
The good foods I listed are filled with complex carbohydrates which take longer to break down and provide our bodies with a steady supply of energy and have less of a chance of being converted into fat. The bad ones I listed above are just the opposite.
The workout I'd recommend is one with lots of cardio. 15-30 minutes per workout at least of intensive cardio such as running (you may do an elliptical to start, but try to keep it to two weeks), jumping rope, swimming laps, aerobics, or kettle bell workouts. If you are also choosing to work in weight training to the mix, I'd suggest starting with a low weight with high repetitions. The key to choosing a good weight is using the weight and estimating if you can do 15-20 repetitions then rest for about 60 seconds, then do two more sets of repetitions.
You may be sore after your first couple workouts. Eat a banana after each workout, try a protein shake if you like, and always make sure to stretch. Good luck Percy.
Sean
You seem to be really in tune with knowing right foods versus wrong foods. I am trying to trim about 80 lbs off of what has become of my body post college, marriage and kids. Life and such has taken its toll and I am looking to get back to the size and shape I was in when I was younger. I am 39. Is it too late? What can you recommend for helping to drop this weight and get back into shape?
P
Psledge312,
I am going to call you Percy, mainly because Psledge seems like a shortening of Percy Sledge, the singer responsible for the song "When a Man Loves a Woman."
Percy, I feel a majority of weight loss comes from changing what you eat. Spinach, grapefruit, apples, oat bran bread, lettuce, oatmeal (not COVERED in sugar), pears,
yogurt, edamame, broccoli, brown rice, and lean meats..these are all things to focus on eating. Stay away from breads with white flour (or high fructose corn syrup..it's in some breads..just check), soda, kids cereals, candy, cake, cookies, and most fruit juices like Minute Maid and Hi-C.
The good foods I listed are filled with complex carbohydrates which take longer to break down and provide our bodies with a steady supply of energy and have less of a chance of being converted into fat. The bad ones I listed above are just the opposite.
The workout I'd recommend is one with lots of cardio. 15-30 minutes per workout at least of intensive cardio such as running (you may do an elliptical to start, but try to keep it to two weeks), jumping rope, swimming laps, aerobics, or kettle bell workouts. If you are also choosing to work in weight training to the mix, I'd suggest starting with a low weight with high repetitions. The key to choosing a good weight is using the weight and estimating if you can do 15-20 repetitions then rest for about 60 seconds, then do two more sets of repetitions.
You may be sore after your first couple workouts. Eat a banana after each workout, try a protein shake if you like, and always make sure to stretch. Good luck Percy.
Sean
20091116
Parker's letter
Parker wrote:
I am writing for some advice. A friend recommended this site, so I hope you can give me guidance. I am a college graduate, I have a full time job, and I am outgoing, in shape, and I've been called handsome, yet I can't seem to find anyone willing to stick around long enough to date me. Why do you think this is? I go out with my guy friends, and we hit a few bars and I can find women there, but they all seem like the one night stand types. I am looking for something more..
Parker
Well Parker,
Good for you in realizing that "finding" women at a bar isn't the way to enter into a solid relationship. True, there are a select FEW that have managed to find a lasting relationship from hooking up with a bar "find", but it doesn't happen often. I emailed you twice looking for more clarification and didn't get a response, so I am going to assume you gave me all of the info you were willing to share.
Could it be you have a douchebag personality? If you're obsessed with material goods, money, yourself, or any combo of the three, it may be a HUGE turnoff for people when talking with you. No one wants to hear about your six-pack or how much money you make/spend on a daily basis.
Could it be that you have a hygiene problem? Not showering, not doing your laundry regularly, or wearing WAY too much cologne can have that "turn off" effect on women.
Could it be your friends? Are your friends the d-bag types running around the bar with "guido-hair" and gold chains while hitting on anything that moves? Are they the types that don't know when to shut up to avoid saying the wrong things?
Could it be that you're looking for the wrong type of women? If you are looking for a looks/money/status obsessed woman, you may be getting shut down because you don't meet her criteria. Trust me on this, the "model hotties" aren't all they're cracked up to be. Sorry ladies, if makeup is the first thing you think about in the morning, it can be a turn off to most guys.
Are you messy? If your place smells like a combo of old pizza, urine, and gym socks, you may be scaring women away the instant they see your living style. FYI, most guys miss the toilet once in awhile...but clean it up. Picking up your place, doing laundry, cleaning your bathroom, and doing your dishes are all part of being responsible. Learn it and love it.
If it's none of the above, you may just not be having luck with the places you're going (other than the bar). I'd try online dating or meeting people through friends.
Good luck.
Sean
I am writing for some advice. A friend recommended this site, so I hope you can give me guidance. I am a college graduate, I have a full time job, and I am outgoing, in shape, and I've been called handsome, yet I can't seem to find anyone willing to stick around long enough to date me. Why do you think this is? I go out with my guy friends, and we hit a few bars and I can find women there, but they all seem like the one night stand types. I am looking for something more..
Parker
Well Parker,
Good for you in realizing that "finding" women at a bar isn't the way to enter into a solid relationship. True, there are a select FEW that have managed to find a lasting relationship from hooking up with a bar "find", but it doesn't happen often. I emailed you twice looking for more clarification and didn't get a response, so I am going to assume you gave me all of the info you were willing to share.
Could it be you have a douchebag personality? If you're obsessed with material goods, money, yourself, or any combo of the three, it may be a HUGE turnoff for people when talking with you. No one wants to hear about your six-pack or how much money you make/spend on a daily basis.
Could it be that you have a hygiene problem? Not showering, not doing your laundry regularly, or wearing WAY too much cologne can have that "turn off" effect on women.
Could it be your friends? Are your friends the d-bag types running around the bar with "guido-hair" and gold chains while hitting on anything that moves? Are they the types that don't know when to shut up to avoid saying the wrong things?
Could it be that you're looking for the wrong type of women? If you are looking for a looks/money/status obsessed woman, you may be getting shut down because you don't meet her criteria. Trust me on this, the "model hotties" aren't all they're cracked up to be. Sorry ladies, if makeup is the first thing you think about in the morning, it can be a turn off to most guys.
Are you messy? If your place smells like a combo of old pizza, urine, and gym socks, you may be scaring women away the instant they see your living style. FYI, most guys miss the toilet once in awhile...but clean it up. Picking up your place, doing laundry, cleaning your bathroom, and doing your dishes are all part of being responsible. Learn it and love it.
If it's none of the above, you may just not be having luck with the places you're going (other than the bar). I'd try online dating or meeting people through friends.
Good luck.
Sean
20091114
Facebook Halloween
I think it's funny that we're two weeks past Halloween and people still have their costume pics up on Facebook.
1. To the slutty witch/cop/nurse/cheerleader/bee: We get it. Your boobs look great in that outfit and you wanted to share that with us guys. We've added it to our spank bank, so you can take it down.
2. To the guy that dressed as a woman/the guy that was half naked: I have a few guy friends of mine that thought you looked fabulous. They've added your pic to THEIR spank bank..so you should probably take down your pic.
3. To the guy that dressed as Wolverine: You will never be as cool as Hugh Jackman. Get over it. You looked like a douche with cool facial hair.
4. To the woman that dressed like Sarah Palin: You suck.
5. To the woman or guy that dressed in the funny costume: You're adorable, but put your regular pics back up. We can't even remember what your costume idea was. You can thank Jack Daniels for that.
6. To the guy that went as a rapper: You're an even bigger douche than Wolverine-guy up there. Hide your plastic bling and for God's sake, take down your pic.
7. To the woman that dressed as a man: See number two above.
I'm off to drink Surly!
1. To the slutty witch/cop/nurse/cheerleader/bee: We get it. Your boobs look great in that outfit and you wanted to share that with us guys. We've added it to our spank bank, so you can take it down.
2. To the guy that dressed as a woman/the guy that was half naked: I have a few guy friends of mine that thought you looked fabulous. They've added your pic to THEIR spank bank..so you should probably take down your pic.
3. To the guy that dressed as Wolverine: You will never be as cool as Hugh Jackman. Get over it. You looked like a douche with cool facial hair.
4. To the woman that dressed like Sarah Palin: You suck.
5. To the woman or guy that dressed in the funny costume: You're adorable, but put your regular pics back up. We can't even remember what your costume idea was. You can thank Jack Daniels for that.
6. To the guy that went as a rapper: You're an even bigger douche than Wolverine-guy up there. Hide your plastic bling and for God's sake, take down your pic.
7. To the woman that dressed as a man: See number two above.
I'm off to drink Surly!
Jaya's letter..
Seannnnn
I normally love your blog, but I thought that last piece was a bit cynical. Why?
Jaya
Jaya,
I am not a cynical person, and I do value relationships, but I think sometimes people take things SO seriously (as it appears you did). Relationships are friendships with a bonus (no not sex)...commitment. When people take relationships too seriously, the fun and friendly side is often squeezed out of the picture, and if it isn't found, can be lost forever. For a relationship to work, there needs to be friendship. If you can't laugh about things, then it only deteriorates the connection faster.
I wasn't being cynical about commitment or relationships. I wasn't saying that women or men were bad people. I was merely having fun with the idea of an outsider's view of relationships. Lighten up. It may do you some good.
Sean
I normally love your blog, but I thought that last piece was a bit cynical. Why?
Jaya
Jaya,
I am not a cynical person, and I do value relationships, but I think sometimes people take things SO seriously (as it appears you did). Relationships are friendships with a bonus (no not sex)...commitment. When people take relationships too seriously, the fun and friendly side is often squeezed out of the picture, and if it isn't found, can be lost forever. For a relationship to work, there needs to be friendship. If you can't laugh about things, then it only deteriorates the connection faster.
I wasn't being cynical about commitment or relationships. I wasn't saying that women or men were bad people. I was merely having fun with the idea of an outsider's view of relationships. Lighten up. It may do you some good.
Sean
Stages...and Stereos..
So I was having a one of a kind conversation with a friend of mine today and discussing the different stages in a relationship. We were raised in the midwest and have both come to the conclusion that, though the East and West Coast may throw a few subdivisions in there or call things by different names, it's all pretty much the same mess nationwide. Here are the stages we came up with.
1. Talking- Whether its in email, person, or by phone, there is the initial talking phase in which both sexes will try like hell to wedge themselves into the consciousness of the person they are interested in. It usually involves asking questions about where the person is from, what they do, what they want from life, and a few other questions. During this phase, if you're a woman, you can really give whatever answer you want, the guy is mainly staring at your chest and imagining you naked. If you're a guy, make sure you give an answer that will not come back and bite you in the ass. The woman you're interested in will use it against you even after you break up.
2. First date- This is where both parties dress themselves up in an attempt to show the other person what they would look like if they could date and never live together. First dates rarely involve a woman going to a guy's house to brush her teeth while he pees sitting down with the door open. Reality is still out of reach, and blissfully so. Have fun. Women, the guy is still picturing you naked. Wear granny panties and throw him off. Guys, she's wearing granny panties. Be careful, she may be trying to throw you off.
3. Seeing each other- This is the half-step between being single and dating. Both parties are willingly committed to the other one, but are not officially committed. If one wants to see other people, he/she should let the other person know- especially if the guy you're seeing is on his way over and Pablo the gardener from next door is still showering in your bathroom. It's at this point that women usually stop shaving their legs for a few days at a time, mainly to see if the guy will stick around. It's also at this time that guys start farting in the girl's bed when she gets up to use the restroom. That candle isn't him being romantic..it's masking the stink.
4. Dating- Once you've been seeing each other long enough to scare off the other single people, you make things official and are dating. Terms of boyfriend and girlfriend are used in this stage. Butternuts and Squishmuffin should NOT be used in this stage. In fact, they should only be used in the 7th level of Hell. No pet names should be allowed. Women in this stage will almost always stop shaving altogether and men will fart openly, and pee with the bathroom door open.
5. Engagement- In this stage, women will usually start complaining about the guy's music preferences and fashion sense. Men will start to complain, but be verbally smacked down by their fiancee. Let's face it..dating gets boring and to spice things up, engagement is added as a half-step between dating and marriage. It's added only because it means a savings account is being filled in anticipation of an engagement ring..or a quick breakup and a guy's weekend in Vegas that will go down in history as the greatest party ever.
6. Marriage- Assuming the Vegas trip wasn't an option, guys will often decide to "take the plunge" and get married to their love of their life (i.e., the woman that can actually stand their pleas for late night sex). Before the wedding, both parties. Guys will throw a bachelor party that will be planned as wild but actually be about as fun as watching soft core porn on Cinemax, while the bachelorette party will be something that would make a pornstar blush. Don't ask questions if your fiancee comes back with a slap rash across her forehead in the shape of a penis. It's way bigger than yours..don't go there.
After the parties have gone off and both parties have made up good back stories, they get married. Women start farting openly, grow leg hair that would rival a bear, and want to have sex with the lights off. Men stop shaving, start crapping with the door open, and spend most of their time remembering the last time their wife had sex with the lights on.
Bliss.
20091112
What I am listening to..
I've always got my ear out for new music. To me, music is an experience in itself and when you tie it in with emotions or experiences you've had, it makes those memories stronger.
Existential music speeches aside, here's what I am listening to lately.
DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL- ALTER THE ENDING
I've always loved this band. If there was anyone on earth that could thoughtfully put the value of love and the struggle to love into words, it's this band. After a coupld of so-so albums, Dashboard Confessional comes back with Alter The Ending, a great studio album that will hopefully translate into another visit or two to the Twin Cities for a concert.
ONE REPUBLIC- WAKING UP
I hate Timbaland for what he did to this band's song Apologize. The entire first album was absolutely incredible and by adding his name to the list and a few mumbles, he got them played, and overplayed, on pop radio stations across the country. Lead singer Ryan Tedder is back with the band for a second release, Timbaland free (at least in the sound of it). It is truly a fantastic sophomoric effort. I also hope to see them again in the cities for a concert this year.
I HATE THIS PLACE- SNOWLIGHTS
All of the Owl City fans, and those I made into fans, should also appreciate the sound of this band. It's similar, but there are a few tracks that also offer a stronger female presence in the vocals. It's a nice change, and the music is thoughtful and romantic.
And I am still rocking out to the Galvatrons. I can't get over the awesome 80's sound of this band. Laser Graffiti will go down in history as one of my favorite albums.
Existential music speeches aside, here's what I am listening to lately.
DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL- ALTER THE ENDING
I've always loved this band. If there was anyone on earth that could thoughtfully put the value of love and the struggle to love into words, it's this band. After a coupld of so-so albums, Dashboard Confessional comes back with Alter The Ending, a great studio album that will hopefully translate into another visit or two to the Twin Cities for a concert.
ONE REPUBLIC- WAKING UP
I hate Timbaland for what he did to this band's song Apologize. The entire first album was absolutely incredible and by adding his name to the list and a few mumbles, he got them played, and overplayed, on pop radio stations across the country. Lead singer Ryan Tedder is back with the band for a second release, Timbaland free (at least in the sound of it). It is truly a fantastic sophomoric effort. I also hope to see them again in the cities for a concert this year.
I HATE THIS PLACE- SNOWLIGHTS
All of the Owl City fans, and those I made into fans, should also appreciate the sound of this band. It's similar, but there are a few tracks that also offer a stronger female presence in the vocals. It's a nice change, and the music is thoughtful and romantic.
And I am still rocking out to the Galvatrons. I can't get over the awesome 80's sound of this band. Laser Graffiti will go down in history as one of my favorite albums.
20091111
cdb7833's letter
CDB7833 wrote:
I really like your blog. I think it's amazing that people are so open with telling you things and trusting what you have to say. It's a cool thing to read.
That said, here is my issue: I am in financial ruin. I am 33 years old and have over 80,000 in debt. I've thought about filing for bankruptcy, but I hear it's tougher now, so I don't really know what to do. It's so depressing. None of my friends know and I try to not let them in. For all they know, it's life as usual. How do I fix this?
CDB7833
Well to start with, don't go on living life as usual. All of that money you may be blowing by hanging out with your friends could be going toward knocking down some of your debt. Filing bankruptcy isn't a good option, it's the option to use when ALL else fails. Stop buying things except food, cut your expenses (stop going out or if you DO go out, just have one beer), and make every effort to pay down some of this debt. Also, try contacting some creditors or collectors to see if they're willing to make you a deal to settle your debt. In this day and age, many creditors are just looking to have the debt off of the records. Show them you're willing to work with them and they'll work with you.
The point is, is that you can always win when you're behind in a race, but you can't keep doing the "same old thing" because that's what got you there in the first place. Make some changes and you'll have this debt whittled down in no time.
I really like your blog. I think it's amazing that people are so open with telling you things and trusting what you have to say. It's a cool thing to read.
That said, here is my issue: I am in financial ruin. I am 33 years old and have over 80,000 in debt. I've thought about filing for bankruptcy, but I hear it's tougher now, so I don't really know what to do. It's so depressing. None of my friends know and I try to not let them in. For all they know, it's life as usual. How do I fix this?
CDB7833
Well to start with, don't go on living life as usual. All of that money you may be blowing by hanging out with your friends could be going toward knocking down some of your debt. Filing bankruptcy isn't a good option, it's the option to use when ALL else fails. Stop buying things except food, cut your expenses (stop going out or if you DO go out, just have one beer), and make every effort to pay down some of this debt. Also, try contacting some creditors or collectors to see if they're willing to make you a deal to settle your debt. In this day and age, many creditors are just looking to have the debt off of the records. Show them you're willing to work with them and they'll work with you.
The point is, is that you can always win when you're behind in a race, but you can't keep doing the "same old thing" because that's what got you there in the first place. Make some changes and you'll have this debt whittled down in no time.
20091110
Bathtub conversation
Sean: Someday you will like some of the movies I watched as a teenager.
Olivia: Were they all in gray color?
Sean (chuckling): No! My movies weren't in black and white, Nana and Papa's movies were. Mine were in color!
Olivia (smiling and embarrassed): Well, I just figured since you were 31..that's pretty old..
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Olivia: Were they all in gray color?
Sean (chuckling): No! My movies weren't in black and white, Nana and Papa's movies were. Mine were in color!
Olivia (smiling and embarrassed): Well, I just figured since you were 31..that's pretty old..
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Horns and Halos
Emily wrote:
I have a problem here. I've been friends with my friend "Sara" for 11 years and we've always been really close. Recently, however, she "found God" and is a different person. I was raised as a Christian and still go to church, but she seems to have taken it to the extreme. She alienated a few of our friends who are gay, she lectures me on partying and the fact that I live with my boyfriend, and has taken on a (no pun intended) holier than thou attitude with me and all of her friends. I love this girl like a sister, but it's killing me to see her push us all away.
What do we do?
Emily,
I think Sara is overlooking one thing. Every religion preaches tolerance, acceptance, and peace, but it's when people take these religions to extremes that the message is lost. Religion shouldn't cast judgment or make people outcasts for what they believe. That whole judgment thing, according to most religions, is up to the higher power to decide. My advice to you is to talk with Sara and let her know that you are hurt by what she is doing. Remind her that you share the same religious beliefs, but her taking it to the extreme isn't helping your friendship.
Different people have different beliefs, but if we were all to refuse to accept those differences, we'd all be alone. My advice to you is to keep doing your thing. You haven't done anything wrong, and if you can accept her for her differences, you may be setting the example for her to follow.
I have a problem here. I've been friends with my friend "Sara" for 11 years and we've always been really close. Recently, however, she "found God" and is a different person. I was raised as a Christian and still go to church, but she seems to have taken it to the extreme. She alienated a few of our friends who are gay, she lectures me on partying and the fact that I live with my boyfriend, and has taken on a (no pun intended) holier than thou attitude with me and all of her friends. I love this girl like a sister, but it's killing me to see her push us all away.
What do we do?
Emily,
I think Sara is overlooking one thing. Every religion preaches tolerance, acceptance, and peace, but it's when people take these religions to extremes that the message is lost. Religion shouldn't cast judgment or make people outcasts for what they believe. That whole judgment thing, according to most religions, is up to the higher power to decide. My advice to you is to talk with Sara and let her know that you are hurt by what she is doing. Remind her that you share the same religious beliefs, but her taking it to the extreme isn't helping your friendship.
Different people have different beliefs, but if we were all to refuse to accept those differences, we'd all be alone. My advice to you is to keep doing your thing. You haven't done anything wrong, and if you can accept her for her differences, you may be setting the example for her to follow.
20091109
I can't say enough about the Galvatrons. This is probably the most inventive rehashing of the 80's sound I have ever come across. This band has every sound from Van Halen to Night Ranger, and Devo to and everything in between. Their album Laser Grafitti is in stores now and is a fantastic throwback to the 80's. Listening to it makes me think of what it would have been like to be 18 in 1984 and catch a band rocking out like this in a stadium. Rad.
20091108
Tammy's letter
Tammy wrote:
Sean,
You seem to have a good outlook on the whole relationship thing which is why I am writing you.
I am a 36 year old, single member of an online dating site and am becoming frustrated. I wrote a really good profile, I wasn't overly set in my ways about anything in there so people wouldn't see me as stubborn or stuck in my ways, I put up all of the best pictures I had (pre-baby weight of course), and I tried as I could to hide my personality flaws, but it seems the dates I go on are anything but magical. The people often end the date an hour or so into it, or they tell me I was deceitful in my profile. Are people really that obsessed with looks that putting up my old pictures matters THAT much? I do have two newer ones there, but they're just not very big..
Tammy
Tammy,
Have you seen the Carfax commercials lately? One shows a car in a hurricane caused flood, getting windblown, door part way open, almost completely soaked with water, while the commercial makes the owner look like they're setting up an ad that says "Newly Upholstered". Carfax is saying that sometimes people will be false and misleading.
That is exactly what you are doing. By being ambiguous in who you are and what you want, by putting up old pictures, and by "hiding yourself" in tiny new pictures, you're not being honest with other people. I commend the guys for being upfront and letting you know that you weren't what they were looking for. It's not easy to do right off of the bat, and when they feel deceived, it can usually lead to being angry rather than practical. Looks aren't everything but I (and other people obviously) feel that they are a gateway to a connection. I feel there has to be some attraction or intimacy will never happen.
It seems to me that you need to work on yourself and who you are before you start dating other people. If I am understanding your words, you have some major self-esteem issues here, and couple that with your willingness to just be whoever someone wants you to be and you also seem like you have a low self-worth (or an overly strong desire to just be with anyone).
There are people out there that find you beautiful and that will accept you for who you are, but if you don't know who you are or you cannot be honest with who you are and what you want, then you won't find happiness.
Leave the dating world for awhile and fix things. Come back and be ready to be honest. If you're open and honest, you'll find exactly what you are looking for.
Sean
Sean,
You seem to have a good outlook on the whole relationship thing which is why I am writing you.
I am a 36 year old, single member of an online dating site and am becoming frustrated. I wrote a really good profile, I wasn't overly set in my ways about anything in there so people wouldn't see me as stubborn or stuck in my ways, I put up all of the best pictures I had (pre-baby weight of course), and I tried as I could to hide my personality flaws, but it seems the dates I go on are anything but magical. The people often end the date an hour or so into it, or they tell me I was deceitful in my profile. Are people really that obsessed with looks that putting up my old pictures matters THAT much? I do have two newer ones there, but they're just not very big..
Tammy
Tammy,
Have you seen the Carfax commercials lately? One shows a car in a hurricane caused flood, getting windblown, door part way open, almost completely soaked with water, while the commercial makes the owner look like they're setting up an ad that says "Newly Upholstered". Carfax is saying that sometimes people will be false and misleading.
That is exactly what you are doing. By being ambiguous in who you are and what you want, by putting up old pictures, and by "hiding yourself" in tiny new pictures, you're not being honest with other people. I commend the guys for being upfront and letting you know that you weren't what they were looking for. It's not easy to do right off of the bat, and when they feel deceived, it can usually lead to being angry rather than practical. Looks aren't everything but I (and other people obviously) feel that they are a gateway to a connection. I feel there has to be some attraction or intimacy will never happen.
It seems to me that you need to work on yourself and who you are before you start dating other people. If I am understanding your words, you have some major self-esteem issues here, and couple that with your willingness to just be whoever someone wants you to be and you also seem like you have a low self-worth (or an overly strong desire to just be with anyone).
There are people out there that find you beautiful and that will accept you for who you are, but if you don't know who you are or you cannot be honest with who you are and what you want, then you won't find happiness.
Leave the dating world for awhile and fix things. Come back and be ready to be honest. If you're open and honest, you'll find exactly what you are looking for.
Sean
20091105
Margot's letter
Margot wrote:
I like your blog, and I like your musical taste. It's refreshing to see someone that appreciates not picking the same old crap from Nickelback or Avril Lavigne like radio seems to do today.
I am writing for a different reason though. I recently had my arm amputated due to complications from an injury I got in a car accident. Not only am I facing the challenge of learning how to do things differently, but I am also adjusting to my appearance. It is really depressing sometimes to see how people stare, and it's affecting my confidence. I am going out less, and when I do, I am wearing coats or things to hide my amputation. It's looks weird when it's 68 degrees and I am wearing a coat.
My doctor suggested that I go without the prosthetic until I get used to how things are, so I am willing to wait, but I can't help but to feel that I would be better off with the prosthetic. I would be more attractive at least.
What do I do?
Margot
Thanks for writing Margot. A life changing event like this can have profound effects on how you view yourself, not to mention how you feel others view you. People stare, and as rude as that may be, it's curiosity at it's most raw. And while a prosthetic may allow you to feel better about how people view you, it's putting a fresh coat of paint on a dent. The dent is still there. Your doctor is right. You need to become okay with how things are, you need to get rid of that dent, before you move on.
We all have our insecurities and things we wish we could change about ourselves. Sometimes, if we're lucky, we can change those things. In reality, we often don't need to make those changes. A prosthetic doesn't change who you are. It only changes who you think you are. Personally, I'd take the real you over someone that would be insecure without her prosthetic. I am sure most people would agree with me.
The next time someone stares, explain to them what happened. Share your experience and open yourself up to making new connections. You'll be better off as a result.
Sean
I like your blog, and I like your musical taste. It's refreshing to see someone that appreciates not picking the same old crap from Nickelback or Avril Lavigne like radio seems to do today.
I am writing for a different reason though. I recently had my arm amputated due to complications from an injury I got in a car accident. Not only am I facing the challenge of learning how to do things differently, but I am also adjusting to my appearance. It is really depressing sometimes to see how people stare, and it's affecting my confidence. I am going out less, and when I do, I am wearing coats or things to hide my amputation. It's looks weird when it's 68 degrees and I am wearing a coat.
My doctor suggested that I go without the prosthetic until I get used to how things are, so I am willing to wait, but I can't help but to feel that I would be better off with the prosthetic. I would be more attractive at least.
What do I do?
Margot
Thanks for writing Margot. A life changing event like this can have profound effects on how you view yourself, not to mention how you feel others view you. People stare, and as rude as that may be, it's curiosity at it's most raw. And while a prosthetic may allow you to feel better about how people view you, it's putting a fresh coat of paint on a dent. The dent is still there. Your doctor is right. You need to become okay with how things are, you need to get rid of that dent, before you move on.
We all have our insecurities and things we wish we could change about ourselves. Sometimes, if we're lucky, we can change those things. In reality, we often don't need to make those changes. A prosthetic doesn't change who you are. It only changes who you think you are. Personally, I'd take the real you over someone that would be insecure without her prosthetic. I am sure most people would agree with me.
The next time someone stares, explain to them what happened. Share your experience and open yourself up to making new connections. You'll be better off as a result.
Sean
Pianists (say it three times fast)
I just blogged of Andrew WK and his piano skills, which also reminded me to let you know that Jack's Mannequin has a new EP out. It's called "Dear Jack" and it's spectacular. Do some research on Jack's Mannequin and you'll see mountainous challenge the lead singer has faced.
"There There Katie" and "Swim" are by my two favorite songs. Let me know what you think.
"There There Katie" and "Swim" are by my two favorite songs. Let me know what you think.
Back into the swing of things..
I've been away from the computer for a few days and am going to make up some ground in the next few days (as far as posts go), so bear with me.
I saw the movie Hot Rod the other day, and though it's only moderately funny, the soundtrack was cool. It's chock full of songs from Europe (yeah, the 80's band..I love them). It also made me remember the artist Andrew W.K.. If you don't remember who he is, he had one really popular song called "Party Hard" in the early 2000's. Despite songs like "Party Hard" and "Long Live The Party", he is actually a classically trained pianist (starting at the age of 4), and has managed to turn his music career into a motivational speaking career on the side. His music is similar to that of Meatloaf. Complex, multi-layered, sometimes fun, and sometimes meaningful.
Anyway, enough reflection on Hot Rod. Check out Andrew WK if you haven't already.
I saw the movie Hot Rod the other day, and though it's only moderately funny, the soundtrack was cool. It's chock full of songs from Europe (yeah, the 80's band..I love them). It also made me remember the artist Andrew W.K.. If you don't remember who he is, he had one really popular song called "Party Hard" in the early 2000's. Despite songs like "Party Hard" and "Long Live The Party", he is actually a classically trained pianist (starting at the age of 4), and has managed to turn his music career into a motivational speaking career on the side. His music is similar to that of Meatloaf. Complex, multi-layered, sometimes fun, and sometimes meaningful.
Anyway, enough reflection on Hot Rod. Check out Andrew WK if you haven't already.
20091102
Kayli's letter
Kayli wrote:
Since you are health oriented, I was wondering what your view on hand-sanitizers is. Good or bad? I've heard it both ways lately..
Kayli
This is becoming more of a hot button issue and I am glad you asked Kayli. I am against the non-medical use of hand sanitizers and always have been. The first thing to think about is the amount of alcohol poisoning cases each year by parents who put this crap on their kids hands. IT'S NOT FOR KIDS. It soaks into your skin. If you put a squirt on each hand of a child, it's like handing them a bottle of vodka. Some people also use it every time they get their hands dirty, which is not what it was meant for.
THE GOOD NEWS
It kills bad bacteria.
THE BAD NEWS
Hand sanitizers also kill good bacteria on the skin which are supposed to be there to fight off bad bacteria. By spreading that stuff on your body, you're leaving it more open to infection. It also allows people to "forget" washing their hands, which is still the most effective way to clean your skin and avoid disease. The alcohol content in these sanitizers also dries the skin, which then cracks and allows more bacteria to seep into those cracks. Some hand sanitizers also include Benzalkonium Chloride which can be corrosive to the respiratory tract if inhaled.
There is even research being done that is attempting to show the bacterial void created by using hand sanitizers is actually responsible for the increase in mental illnesses like depression.
Your body needs bacteria like Superman needs Lex Luthor. For the good to do good, it has to have the bad to fight. If you cannot get to a sink at all, then I agree, hand sanitizer is a good substitute. Would I use it to clean my hands after a hike? No. Would I use it if I was shaking hands all day? Yes.
Nothing is a good substitute for washing your hands with soap and water. Just keep that in mind.
Sean
Since you are health oriented, I was wondering what your view on hand-sanitizers is. Good or bad? I've heard it both ways lately..
Kayli
This is becoming more of a hot button issue and I am glad you asked Kayli. I am against the non-medical use of hand sanitizers and always have been. The first thing to think about is the amount of alcohol poisoning cases each year by parents who put this crap on their kids hands. IT'S NOT FOR KIDS. It soaks into your skin. If you put a squirt on each hand of a child, it's like handing them a bottle of vodka. Some people also use it every time they get their hands dirty, which is not what it was meant for.
THE GOOD NEWS
It kills bad bacteria.
THE BAD NEWS
Hand sanitizers also kill good bacteria on the skin which are supposed to be there to fight off bad bacteria. By spreading that stuff on your body, you're leaving it more open to infection. It also allows people to "forget" washing their hands, which is still the most effective way to clean your skin and avoid disease. The alcohol content in these sanitizers also dries the skin, which then cracks and allows more bacteria to seep into those cracks. Some hand sanitizers also include Benzalkonium Chloride which can be corrosive to the respiratory tract if inhaled.
There is even research being done that is attempting to show the bacterial void created by using hand sanitizers is actually responsible for the increase in mental illnesses like depression.
Your body needs bacteria like Superman needs Lex Luthor. For the good to do good, it has to have the bad to fight. If you cannot get to a sink at all, then I agree, hand sanitizer is a good substitute. Would I use it to clean my hands after a hike? No. Would I use it if I was shaking hands all day? Yes.
Nothing is a good substitute for washing your hands with soap and water. Just keep that in mind.
Sean
20091101
Plates and plateaus
Derek wrote:
I really like this blog Sean. Just want you to know I follow it daily. I like your mentality when it comes to nutrition too. I am totally against dieting myself. I had started eating healthy about 2 years ago after realizing how obese I actually was while at Disneyland. I couldn't even fit into the rollercoaster seat. I was so embarrassed. I'd tried diets in the past but always found it too easy to give up.
Eating healthy is a real challenge, but the rewards are limitless. I've lost 140lbs already and I feel fantastic. Any words of encouragement for anyone else out there?
Derek
Awesome job Derek. I am guessing there was also some exercise in there, and I commend you for deciding to put your health on your list of priorities. It's a smart move in this day and age of expanding waistlines.
Being healthy should be viewed as a low cost, long-term health insurance that you control. It can be as cheap or as expensive as you like. Gym memberships aren't expensive (and some insurance companies pay for a portion of the membership, depending on your employer), and eating healthy isn't as difficult as a diet.
A diet restricts what you can and cannot eat on a daily basis. After some time, frustration sets in and people usually cheat or give up the diet altogether. By changing your mindset to just eat healthy, you will develop a good eating habit that will allow you to eat unhealthy things from time to time without feeling the guilt of "cheating" like you would with a diet. It starts with discipline. If you set a caloric goal for yourself and keep a mindset of making the right decisions when choosing food, you'll eventually begin to automatically make these healthy decisions without having to think about them.
If you have a chance, check out the book series, "Eat This Not That" at your local bookstore. It shows some really good alternatives to foods we think are "okay" to eat.
Don't forget that exercise is also key. Challenge yourself.
Derek says he's lost 140 lbs...I've changed my habits..let's see what you can do.
Sean
I really like this blog Sean. Just want you to know I follow it daily. I like your mentality when it comes to nutrition too. I am totally against dieting myself. I had started eating healthy about 2 years ago after realizing how obese I actually was while at Disneyland. I couldn't even fit into the rollercoaster seat. I was so embarrassed. I'd tried diets in the past but always found it too easy to give up.
Eating healthy is a real challenge, but the rewards are limitless. I've lost 140lbs already and I feel fantastic. Any words of encouragement for anyone else out there?
Derek
Awesome job Derek. I am guessing there was also some exercise in there, and I commend you for deciding to put your health on your list of priorities. It's a smart move in this day and age of expanding waistlines.
Being healthy should be viewed as a low cost, long-term health insurance that you control. It can be as cheap or as expensive as you like. Gym memberships aren't expensive (and some insurance companies pay for a portion of the membership, depending on your employer), and eating healthy isn't as difficult as a diet.
A diet restricts what you can and cannot eat on a daily basis. After some time, frustration sets in and people usually cheat or give up the diet altogether. By changing your mindset to just eat healthy, you will develop a good eating habit that will allow you to eat unhealthy things from time to time without feeling the guilt of "cheating" like you would with a diet. It starts with discipline. If you set a caloric goal for yourself and keep a mindset of making the right decisions when choosing food, you'll eventually begin to automatically make these healthy decisions without having to think about them.
If you have a chance, check out the book series, "Eat This Not That" at your local bookstore. It shows some really good alternatives to foods we think are "okay" to eat.
Don't forget that exercise is also key. Challenge yourself.
Derek says he's lost 140 lbs...I've changed my habits..let's see what you can do.
Sean
Soft Black Stars
campos182 wrote:
One of your friends suggested I read this blog and I must say, after reading it I am amazed. You seem like such a wonderful and dynamic person. It's good to see there are still guys like you left in this world.
I know how it is to have a relationship come to an abrupt end, my marriage of 2 years came to a screeching halt when I came home one day to find my husband packing his things. He said he just realized that he wasn't ready for marriage and that he wasn't in love with me. My question for you is this: Do you think it is ever really possible to move on, or is there a part of you that will always wonder what if would have been like if you'd stayed together with that person?
CC
That's a good question CC. In fact, it's one I've asked myself after a few breakups. Would things be better? Would things be different? What exactly WOULD life be like?
When all is said and done though, it doesn't matter. You could go through your whole life wondering about the flip side of every choice you've made, or every decision you've been a part of, but where will it get you? A decision is made and becomes part of the past , but your life isn't in the past. The past is only a vehicle to get you to the present. In the present, you'll dictate what happens in the future.
Maybe you feel this need to wonder "what if" because there is something missing in your life (and I don't mean the husband). As a result, you are clinging on to the only thing you thought was concrete. You thought this man was your destiny and when it all ended, you had trouble giving it up. If you keep looking back, you'll miss what you need to see going forward.
So, to answer your question, I myself have wondered from time to time, but I know when to let go, and I think once you learn how to do that, you'll be find yourself more fulfilled with the present..
Sean
One of your friends suggested I read this blog and I must say, after reading it I am amazed. You seem like such a wonderful and dynamic person. It's good to see there are still guys like you left in this world.
I know how it is to have a relationship come to an abrupt end, my marriage of 2 years came to a screeching halt when I came home one day to find my husband packing his things. He said he just realized that he wasn't ready for marriage and that he wasn't in love with me. My question for you is this: Do you think it is ever really possible to move on, or is there a part of you that will always wonder what if would have been like if you'd stayed together with that person?
CC
That's a good question CC. In fact, it's one I've asked myself after a few breakups. Would things be better? Would things be different? What exactly WOULD life be like?
When all is said and done though, it doesn't matter. You could go through your whole life wondering about the flip side of every choice you've made, or every decision you've been a part of, but where will it get you? A decision is made and becomes part of the past , but your life isn't in the past. The past is only a vehicle to get you to the present. In the present, you'll dictate what happens in the future.
Maybe you feel this need to wonder "what if" because there is something missing in your life (and I don't mean the husband). As a result, you are clinging on to the only thing you thought was concrete. You thought this man was your destiny and when it all ended, you had trouble giving it up. If you keep looking back, you'll miss what you need to see going forward.
So, to answer your question, I myself have wondered from time to time, but I know when to let go, and I think once you learn how to do that, you'll be find yourself more fulfilled with the present..
Sean
I remember when Halloween was all about the party of the night. A half-conscious, binge-drinking bar run or party...then the earth shattering hangover the next day.
Last night I took Olivia out, just her and I. We started at my sister's place an hit 4 other houses before she got too cold. We went home, had a couple pieces of her "winnings" and watched a movie, while laughing hysterically at faces we made as we played around with a magnifier. It was better than any Halloween party I've ever been to. We were both sleeping by nine.
Being a parent can be stressful at times, and setting a good example can be difficult. Sometimes it can be hard to choose to act like a parent over being a friend to your child, but there are moments that make being a parent one of the greatest things in life.
Sean
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Last night I took Olivia out, just her and I. We started at my sister's place an hit 4 other houses before she got too cold. We went home, had a couple pieces of her "winnings" and watched a movie, while laughing hysterically at faces we made as we played around with a magnifier. It was better than any Halloween party I've ever been to. We were both sleeping by nine.
Being a parent can be stressful at times, and setting a good example can be difficult. Sometimes it can be hard to choose to act like a parent over being a friend to your child, but there are moments that make being a parent one of the greatest things in life.
Sean
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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