Tia's letter..

Tia wrote:

Maybe you can help me with this. I think I want to divorce my husband. He is mainly an extremely sweet and loving person, but he's got some issues that are eating me up. He recently got a DUI and I discovered a rather long criminal history existed. Before that, I caught him lying about wasting his money away on video games and computer stuff. I discovered that last one because he was always asking to borrow money and I knew he made almost three times what I made, so I questioned him about his spending and he said it went to "loans". I lent him $2000. He started skipping payments back to me but asked me for more money. After insisting he explain more before I lent him more money, he said he'd racked up bills on Best Buy credit cards buying video games, computer supplies (stuff to build or improve computers?..I am not a tech person), and stuff like that.

Despite these problems, he continues to be extremely stubborn. When he gets upset he can say mean things. He can also leave quite a mess around the house and when I ask him to pick up his things, he complains and says things like, "you're not my mom" which make the situation that much more frustrating and awkward. Our sex life is nonexistent.

I've invested three years with this person and I don't know what to do. I don't want to start over, we dated for three years before we married and these problems weren't there. I don't even want to think how the dating world has changed. I don't want to be with him, but I don't want to start over...what do I do?

Tia


Well Tia, if you were a man I'd say grow some balls..but since you're not and I know for a fact that women can't really grow balls, I will advise you to stop being to fearful of starting over and cut your losses.

This guy hid a criminal past from you and basically took money from you (and hid that too), not to mention the whole lying about it thing. So what if you've spent three years and several thousand dollars keeping this sinking ship afloat? Get out of this while you still have your credit intact.

If this guy doesn't respect you enough to treat you like an equal in the relationship, then he doesn't deserve you. The lying, the hiding, the lack of intimacy, it all seems to say he doesn't value you in the relationship. As far as starting over, the dating world is pretty much the same as 2003 (or around there by how long you said you had known each other), with the exception of cell phones making drunk texting and dirty pictures all that much more common. If you are looking for quality people, you'll still find them in the same places, there aren't any new dating scares, and online dating can be done by phone instead of relying on a computer. Yay.

All in all, you'll be better off without this guy. You know you deserve better. (Wo)man up and get out of there.

Sean