Honesty

Helen wrote:

Sean
I think my friend is cheating on me. I should add, I think she is cheating on me with my fiancee. Let me explain:

My best friend and I have been friends for 13 years and have been through thick and thin. She is single and quite attractive. She and I even had a falling out just after meeting each other because she'd made a move on my boyfriend at the time. She apologized and chalked it up to being drunk and I forgave her. We've been fine ever since..until now.

My fiancee moved in after we got engaged two years ago. We had a child a year later, and instantly his sex drive was gone. We started fighting more and more and he started doing more yard work and "running errands". He'd come back with all sorts of stuff we didn't need and couldn't afford, just to say that is what he went out for. If I get upset at what he brings home, we argue. When he does yardwork, I often see him talking to my neighbor, laughing, touching her arm, and just behavior that makes me uncomfortable. It's been 8 months and still no sex.

Now that you have a little more info, here's the real issue. The other day, he said he was "running errands" and I decided to confront my friend about her behavior while he was gone. I walked over there and she wasn't home, even though I'd just seen her talking to my fiancee a minute or two before that. I decided to wait by our shared garage area and saw the both of them come back TWO HOURS later. Laughing and smiling, until they saw me. I exploded and let them have a piece of my mind, accused them of being unfaithful, called my friend a whore, and told my fiancee to pack his things. He started crying, said there was nothing to worry about and that they were just friends. When I asked him where he had been going, he said they'd been going to movies to get away from stress.

I don't buy it. I don't know what to do. Can you offer any sort of advice as to what to do?

Helen

Woah..
This is a tough one. You are engaged and have a child, think your friend and fiancee are cheating on you, and are unable to figure out what steps to take. That's a big lunch.

I think you are right in assuming that there is something fishy going on with your fiancee and friend, but is it cheating? Not necessarily. Unfortunately, our Jerry Springer-raised minds are going to lead us to think the worst in a situation like this, and when faced with that situation we'll explode as you did.

Your fiancee and friend were wrong in not telling you that they had been "going to movies". Sneaking around behind a friend's or fiancee's back is disrespectful. Maybe he'd been buying things and bringing them home because he was shopping with her too. What sort of things were they?

Mainly because you don't have more solid proof of infidelity, I don't think ending your relationship or friendship is a smart decision at this point. I would definitely have a talk with both of them and explain your feelings and state that you feel that this issue cannot continue. If they disagree, or keep up the sneaking around, getting out is definitely the best situation for you and your child.

If you have any more info or need more from me, drop me another email.

Sean