A letter from Thomas

Thomas from Ohio writes:

Hey man,

I like your site here. It's good to see people with good intentions. I am equally impressed by your cancer donation thing. Great idea.

I am writing because I have an issue I need help with. I really like this woman that I've been seeing for quite some time, but she's not religious and I am strongly religious. At first, it wasn't a big deal, but as things have grown more serious and discussions of a life together have come up, I've begun to realize that she doesn't want a religious wedding..or to raise any children we may have in a religious setting. This is a hard concept for me to grasp. Should I just break it off? Should I try to change her mind? I really love her..

Thomas

Sean- Thanks for writing. I don't think you should necessarily set out to change her mind, but if it's important to you, you should let her know how important it is. She may never want a part of religion, but it's not your duty to make her believe. It IS your duty, however, to let your future children make up their own minds about wanting to follow your or your future wife's beliefs. Forcing them to believe either way is a mistake. They need to think for themselves. Show them both sides and let them find their belief system. There are many families today that have one parent that does not practice religion. As far as the wedding goes, I'd shoot for a compromise. Maybe not having it in a church, or having a pastor from a progressive church do the ceremony? They key here is to respect both belief systems and to know that those beliefs are why you are who you are.

Lys- I would advise you to talk it out with her. Let her know why you feel the way you do. Listen to her as well and know why she feels the way she does. Does she not practice religion because she was never shown the religious life while growing up? Did she have a bad experience? In any event, the key here is communication and compromise. Neither one of you should set out trying to change the other. That's not what love is.