Independence day..

Joey from South Carolina writes:

Sean,

Great site man. Sorry to hear about what happened to you, but I think you're better off. She seems like she's got stuff to work through before she can even grow up.

I am writing because I would like to vent about women who are "independent". I joined a dating site 6 months ago because I was tired of finding the wrong type of women, but I am becoming more and more frustrated with the women I am finding there. It's supposed to be hooking you up with like minded people and I seem to get these "independent" women. By independent I mean women that feel that a relationship is "I'll do my thing and you do yours and we'll get together when I have a chance to see you" type women. They don't want a normal relationship, they want me around when they have time for me. They don't want me to plan things, they don't want to think or talk long term, and being in a normal communicating relationship freaks them out. To them, independent seems to mean "I'll do what I want", when that's not the meaning of independent at all...look it up. If everyone did whatever they wanted, this world wouldn't be here. The same goes with "independent" women. If everyone acted like them, we wouldn't have friends, let alone relationships.

I am fed up. I am cancelling my membership tomorrow. The real women I run into from time to time are much more normal that anything I've seen in the last 6 months.

thanks for letting me vent, if you posted this.

Joey

Joey, I totally agree. "Independent" women, or men for that matter, need to realize that relationships still mean they need to communicate with the person they are choosing to have a relationship with. If they are using independent to state that they are not needy, that's great. That is what it should mean in the terms of a relationship. If they are using it to state that they will do whatever the hell they want, whenever they want, that's certainly not a healthy way to start a relationship.

You will lose free time when you're in a relationship. You will not see your friends as much as you used to. You may choose to change your eating and sleeping habits, you may change how you look, and you may make compromises to your comfort level. However, you'll gain love, happiness, trust, commitment and honesty from another person that loves you. That is all part of being in a relationship. You aren't losing who you are, you are instead keeping your true self and gaining a second self to look out for. If you define who you are by how you look, by how much you see your friends, or how people perceive you, you should be soul searching and trying to fix yourself before going onto a dating site.