Growing up...

Spencer wrote:

I am 29 years old and am dating a 24 year old girl. We've been in a relationship for almost 6 months and she is looking to make things more serious, but I am having issues with her maturity level, and am not sure I should make that move.

What's wrong you ask? Everything is drama with her. She talks about all of her friends behind their backs, she wants to party and drink all of the time, she gets upset over stupid things, she is always jealous when people talk to me (even women), and when she's not out partying, she wants to spend ALL of the time with me. I just feel like a babysitter more than a boyfriend. What should I do? I like her, but our fights have grown so frequent that I can't help but to want out.

Spencer

Well Spencer, I say GTFO. There seems to be more than maturity issues with her and the fact that they are increasing in frequency also shows me that she is losing respect for you as a person and beginning to view you more as an object. Perhaps she likes the IDEA of having a boyfriend, but in reality isn't ready for one. Are her parents divorced? Is she lacking a positive male role model in her life? Besides the smothering issues, which to me seem small compared to the others, she seems to have self esteem and trust issues. You'd be better off keeping her as a friend (and making sure she talks to a therapist to get over these issues) than keeping her as a girlfriend.

True, some of the partying may be due to the age, but if it really is all of the time, there may be some chemical dependency issues as well. I am guessing that when she parties, she doesn't take you with her. Personally, I've always had the motto: If the person you're dating wants to exclude you and be out with their friends more than they want to spend time with you, then they're not ready for a relationship, because that's NOT a relationship. A relationship is doing things together, but also maintaining your own priorities. It's communication, trust, understanding, friendship, and love. The final flag I saw was the fact that she is excluding you from her wild nights with friends, but gets jealous of others talking with you. To me, it seems that she may be doing some things out on these wild nights that she is worried you'd be upset about, then she is projecting those same fears back on you.

All in all, she seems like a ball of trouble. I hope you can maintain a friendship with her, but I'd recommend letting go of the relationship.

Sean