Hollie's letter pt 2

I got the responses after work and have been putting together a response. Sorry for the delay, it's been a work filled weekend. Here we go..

1. Are you adopted? Yes I am. How did you know?

2. What is your family life like? Parents married, one brother also adopted. Parents do well. We grew up in a small town and have never moved. I now live in a larger city though. I had to branch out.

3. Do you feel you have self esteem issues? No, but I am self conscious about parts of my body. I was anorexic growing up for a few years.

4. What were your former relationships like? They were all okay, I guess. I dated kind of late, first bf was in college. I've had three since then. The last one was a long and painful downward spiral. Glad to be out.

5. Why do you feel cheesy using online dating services? I just don't know anyone that uses it and I think that my friends would think poorly of me if they knew I was meeting people online. I don't know. You said more and more people are using it? Is it really that common?

Hollie

Statistics show (and there is also little research to argue against this) that adopted children usually have issues with self-esteem. Children's perceptions of their adoption are usually self-centered and as a result, some adopted children have a negative self-image at their core. It's almost as if they feel there was something wrong with them. There isn't! You are a wonderful human being.

Your home life sounds like the typical American family. You say you had to branch out. Were you looking for something? Perhaps to find yourself?

The fact that you were or are self-conscious about parts of your body and (I assume) beat anorexia, also shows that you had some self-esteem issues and were putting too much value in what other people think of you.

Your long and downward spiral lasted for years, I am guessing and you did what you could to get out, but you went back again and again until you finally wised up and ended things for good. If I am right, fine, if not, email me back and we'll discuss this more. Were you with him for the financial stability he provided? Were you with him because his mood swings and temper issues (I am drawing conclusions from how you've "said" what you've "said") gave you some sort of stronger father figure to place yourself with? I am glad you're out of it.

You really do put too much emphasis on what people think of you. Maybe you feel lost at times, like you haven't found yourself. Your self-image appears to me to be made up of what your friends think of you, rather than who you want to be. I recommend seeing a therapist for all of these issues. It seems to me that you aren't able to be honest with yourself about who YOU are. Until that happens, you won't be happy.

If you keep dating while in therapy, do me a favor. Don't have anyone lie for you. It's a hard thing to deal with for both people, but it's made even harder when the guy you're dating is busted in a lie. Be honest with them and let them know you're still getting to understand the world of online dating.

And, finally, yes. TONS of people use it. Millions of us use it. It's a social norm now. Read my past blogs. I've talked about it not too long ago.

Sean