L's letter

L (didn't list her full name) wrote:

I read your piece on adopted people in relationships and thought it was brilliant. It was just like you were talking about me. I had spent my whole life in bad relationships and had issues with my self-esteem as a result of being adopted. I just seemed to bring people into my relationships that either take advantage of me, keep me around and only treat me well when they want to, and have had impossible long distance relationships. I just couldn't get it right. Whenever I'd fall in love, it was filled with drama. After a particularly bad breakup, someone suggested I see a therapist. After some time, I did go to a therapist and got my life back in order. It was a great help and really helped me understand WHY I was doing what I was.

I just wanted to pass that along, since you may have other adopted people reading this blog. Therapy helps more than you can ever imagine. And thank you Sean, for writing such a great piece.

L

You know L, I was just talking with my friend Ann about this the other day and she shared an excerpt from a book with me. It's by Kasey Hamner and it's called "Whose Child?" Have you read this book? Here is the excerpt:

"...I always attracted people in my life who in effect "abandoned" me with their behavior. They did this in many ways such as insulting me, using me, and disrespecting me. It disturbed me to know that I let them do this. I realize now I let these things happen. After all, being alone is a much safer place to be, because for me, love ultimately means abandonment of the little girl inside.... I had unconsciously put myself into situations with men that repeated the pain of separation. I entered willingly into unhealthy relationships with emotionally unavailable men..."

I am not adopted, but I know many people that are, and from what I know, many have been in similar situations. I think therapy is a good choice for anyone facing lasting issues in their life.

Thank you for writing.

Sean