Sometimes people write and don't want to use their name. They give me a fake name to call them. Other times people write and don't want their name used and DON'T give me a name to use. I am now going to give them one.

O.B.N.O.H (see below..I thought I made up a nice name here)wrote:

I've been interested in this guy, Demar. We had some history, but it's, well, history. He has since moved overseas and I still find myself thinking of him.

I wrote Demar an email about three weeks ago. Last Monday I had lunch with a girlfriend who knows him and she had some news for me...

I have this guy friend "Buddha" and we hang out, flirt, have sleep overs but never cross the friendship line, he's just my go to guy. Well we hung out all summer until about August at which time he stopped calling, hanging out, answering texts, I just figured he was busy. Well, at lunch with my girlfriend she tells me Buddha got back together with his ex. I know of this ex and we're cool, not best friends but she's mutual friends with Demar and loves Buddha. Anyways, my girlfriend knows this and while at a party with Buddha and his girlfriend, asked her (the girlfriend) if she knew Buddha and I "had a thing". Grilfriend responds, "Yeah...But Buddha would never romantically get involved with O.B.N.O.H. Demar still has feelings for her."

So my friend tells me this conversation and I get a bit excited inside but at this point it's gossip. I don't want to get excited over gossip. Like I said, that was last Monday and I still hadn't heard from Demar. Well, I woke up this morning and in my inbox was a very casual, immensely lackluster email from Demar.

My question is: Should I casually mention the gossip I heard or leave it alone. If it is true I'm afraid bringing something like this up (especially with him overseas) could be bad. But at the same time, I just want to know if it's true. Something tells me though that if he felt that way he'd tell me. Because guys tell girls when they want to be with them...

Signed,
Overseas But Not Over Him (O.B.N.O.H)

O.B.N.O.H,

You should NOT mention the gossip you heard. First off, what did his immensely lackluster email say? Secondly, you should realize (better sooner than later) that women will often protect their own, meaning she is trying to make you feel better for missing him and sending him the email. I am not saying the party talk didn't happen, but it didn't happen the way your friend thinks it did.

Here's what probably transpired:

Your Friend: "So did you know Buddha and O.B.N.O.H had a thing?"

Girlfriend: "Yeah, so? What does that have to do with anything?"

Your Friend: (Feeling awkward) "Well not a THING thing, just a friend thing. You know, because Demar still has feelings for her."

Girlfriend: "Oh, that's what I thought."

(End Scene. Applause. Oscar, in 3, 2, 1...)

My guess is that your friend didn't want some drama starting or word getting back to you so little truths were changed to protect the innocent. If drinking was involved, then those altered truths became reality.

Regardless of the chemistry that you and Demar did or did not have, Demar left, and left without anything happening between you two. The fact that he sent an email means he cares, but the fact that it was lackluster and casual means he cares in a way you aren't prepared to handle. Face it O.B.N.O.H, you are in the Friend Zone.

This is a good thing though. It means that though he doesn't see anything happening between you two as a relationship is concerned, he does want to be a friend. That is a wonderful thing. Now get over him and allow him to be in your friend zone...and keep him there, before things get really messy.

Sean